


Divided

by Peskychloe



Series: Spinal Injury AU [8]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Background Relationships, Blow Jobs, Bullying, Casual Ableism, Disabled Character, Established Relationship, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Minor Violence, Rimming, Spinal Injury, for everyone involved, with consequences
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2019-02-07 08:06:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 55,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12836877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peskychloe/pseuds/Peskychloe
Summary: “Chika,” he cooed, stroking Chikara's cheek. Yuuji knew what was going on, but he had nothing new to say about it, so he didn't elaborate. They would miss each other, but he'd be back, there really wasn't anything else to add. “Concentrate on school for today.”--Yuuji is finally moving to Lancaster, leaving Chikara behind to finish his A levels at Karasuno. They're both older than their peers, and no longer have each other to rely on. Can they survive a year apart?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please note - tags will be added as chapters are added so there are no spoilers, and CW will be put at the start of chapters. I'll also flag any NSFW scenes so you can skip them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so excited to share this with you! With many thanks to Katie, Lily, and of course Zelda, without you three, I wouldn't have got this written. Of course, thank you to all the readers of Incomplete who got excited by the news of a sequel, as that spurred me on too.
> 
> This is the sequel to Incomplete, and references things from the rest of the au, so you will probably be lost without reading them first.

_Yuuji took off his green blazer for the last time, smiling fondly as he put it on the hanger._

“ _You never used to hang it up, and now you start, on the day you leave school,” his mother said, watching him from the door._

“ _I do wish you wouldn't watch me tidying my room.”_

“ _Good job it hardly ever happens then,” she said, mouth wide with laughter. “Hey, now you don't have school, shall we go out for lunch? My treat. Won't be able to soon, when you go off to university.”_

_He had to look away, searching his room for something he could use to distract her. Until he'd decided what to do, he didn't want to risk letting slip that he was thinking about not going. Not on the same day as he got his results certificate and officially finished going to school._

“ _Urm, I'm doing something. Sorry,” he said, looking for a hooded top._

“ _Oh. With friends?”_

“ _Yeah. Celebrating, ya know?”_

“ _Of course. It's a Friday. You deserve to go out and have fun.”_

_His stomach sank at how sad she sounded. He hated lying to her, but if she knew where he was really going, it would only make things even harder to unravel. “Sorry. But I'm free tomorrow, let's do something then! I need...a new shirt, you can help me choose.”_

_She was back to smiling at him. “It's a date.” She lifted a hand and stroked his cheek with her thumb. “I can't believe my little boy isn't at school any more. And going to university. I'm so proud of you, honey bee.”_

_He put his arms around her and held her tight; he was now so much taller than her he could prop his chin on the top of her head when he hugged her. She sniffed into his shoulder._

“ _Hey! Don't cry, I'm not going for ages yet, Mum.”_

“ _I know, I can't help it!” She moved away and wiped her eyes roughly. “My friends are all excited about their children moving out, and I listen to them and can't join in, 'cause I'm going to miss you so much!”_

“ _Oh Mum! Don't start me off!” Pulling her back in, he considered telling her he was thinking of deferring his university place. When he remembered he'd have to explain about Chikara, he decided against it._

_He stayed quiet until they finished hugging, only then talking to refuse the twenty pound note she tried pressing into his hand to buy a round of drinks with. “I'm not going to the pub, it's not even two yet.”_

“ _Where're you going then? Thought you were celebrating?”_

“ _Yeah, not that kind of celebrating. I'm...watching a film with a friend.”_

“ _You need it for the cinema tickets then! Take it, take it...” she said, continuing to try and force him to take the money._

“ _Mum, save it for tomorrow!” He laughed, bending a little to kiss her forehead. “I'm going to a friend's house, we're watching a film on the computer. No money needed!”_

_Giving up, she shoved the note back into her purse. “So. This friend. Is this where you keep going off to all the time? Is it a girl?”_

_He pulled on his hoodie, ignoring her.“I'll see you later. Okay?”_

“ _Will you tell me tomorrow if I buy you a burger?” she shouted at his retreating back._

_But it would take much more than a burger to tell his mum he was going to a hospital ward and not a friend's house, or that he'd been going there three times a week for months. More than bribery would be needed for him to come clean about Chikara's accident, how he'd done the one thing his mother had always worried about, doing something Yuuji didn't want her to stop him doing. He needed more time before he could admit to her that he wasn't straight, even though he planned to do it eventually._

_Worst still, he hadn't even admitted to himself that he was probably in love with Chikara. It definitely wasn't time yet to tell his mum about any of it._

–

He felt ridiculous.

Having not worn his school blazer in over a year, it was musty smelling, a little tight across the shoulders, and somehow the arms were now too short. All the dinner dates with Chikara and evenings of lazing around in bed were obviously giving him bulk in the wrong places, especially now he'd stopped delivering the mail.

He hadn't even been able to find his old tie. Suspecting Haru of tying it around a flagpole or something on the last day of term, he hadn't seen it since then. His dad had leant him a blue striped one, which clashed with his blazer and had the widest point he'd ever seen. He grumbled to himself as he walked up Chikara's pathway, folding it around itself in an attempt to make it narrower.

What had seemed like a funny idea for Chikara's first day back at school was obviously a huge mistake. It hadn't even been his own funny idea. He cursed how close he was to his mum that she felt she could suggest these things without embarrassment and that he would agree to them.

He looked around as he reached the door, before pulling a peaked cap out of his bag and tucking his blonde hair under it. He sighed as he rang the doorbell and clasped his hands behind his back.

Kanoka answered and laughed before saying anything else. “You dork.”

Yuuji saluted her. “Hello, madam, I'm here to take you both to school.”

“You want me to fetch him? His mum's having a bit of a cry over him.” She pointed at Yuuji. “Actually, you should come in. It might cheer her up to see you looking so ridiculous.”

“Hey!” He pulled at the lapels of his jacket and straightened his tie. “I resent that.”

In the end, there was no need to decide whether to fetch Chikara or let Yuuji inside, as Toshi stopped crying long enough to bring her son to the door.

Chikara was wearing his Karasuno uniform, which had become a bit too big on the legs and a bit too small on the arms and around the collar. He was extremely pale and red-eyed, but as soon as he saw Yuuji, who bowed a little, he began giggling.

“Ennoshita-san, your carriage awaits,” Yuuji said, tipping his hat.

“Are you a chauffeur or am I Cinderella or what?”

“Urm...I'm not sure, really.” He turned to Chikara's mum, who looked even worse than her son. “Are you doing okay? You sure you don't want to take him? I won't mind...”

“No, no. I really think it's best if you go without me.”

“It would be embarrassing!” Chikara said loudly, “It's bad enough I won't know a single person there without my mother crying at the school gate. I'm nearly twenty!”

Yuuji went over and pecked his cheek. “You got everything?”

Chikara nodded at Kanoka, who lifted a rucksack in the air. “Yeah, we packed it all before he got up.”

“Yuuji, love,” Toshi said, touching his shoulder, “Why don't you go and put him in the van? I'll check last minute stuff with Kanoka.”

“Mum! I've been to school before, it's fine! Please stop fussing...”

“Chika, come on,” Yuuji said taking the handles, “She's your mum, it's her job to fuss.”

Toshi smiled at Yuuji. “Thank you.” She nudged Chikara. “See? _He_ gets it. Listen to your boyfriend.”

Chikara tutted as they walked off to get settled in the van. He didn't say anything, until Yuuji was leaning across him to attach the final strap. Chikara leant forwards as far as the belt would allow and nibbled softly against his neck.

“You look hot in a tie,” he whispered into Yuuji's ear.

“Stop that, you're wearing a school uniform.”

“Does it turn you on?”

Yuuji snorted. “Quite the opposite, if I'm honest.” He kissed Chikara on the head. “You look so young, I feel like a pervert.”

“I'm older than you!”

“Ah maybe so, but I'm a university student and you're a schoolchild.” He grinned at Chikara, who looked back huffily.

The temper was short lived, not gaining any traction. Their impending separation had made them both more forgiving. “You're still picking me up?”

Yuuji nodded as he finished strapping him in.

“You staying afterwards?”

“Yes, love.”

“And you'll come over every day this week and stay?”

Yuuji brought a hand to his chest, acting horrified. “On a school night? Scandalous...”

Chikara didn't smile. “Stop that, please.”

Yuuji knew when to tease and when to listen, and this was definitely a time to stop mentioning school. “Well, I should probably spend a bit of time with Mum and Dad.” Seeing Chikara's face fall further, he spoke quickly. “Hey, why don't we go to mine tomorrow evening? Mum's always trying to get you to come over again.”

“And then you'll bring me back and stay over?”

“Chika,” he cooed, stroking Chikara's cheek. Yuuji knew what was going on, but he had nothing new to say about it, so he didn't elaborate. They would miss each other, but he'd be back, there really wasn't anything else to add. “Concentrate on school for today.”

Despite the conflicting feelings caused by the school uniform, Yuuji still kissed Chikara, and was surprised by the force of his response; he leant forwards in his wheelchair, straining against the seatbelt to press further against Yuuji's lips.

He was bending so far forward, that if the belt hadn't been there he might have fallen forward when Yuuji backed off. “I love you,” he said earnestly, looking Yuuji straight in the eye.

“I know.” He was taken aback, but not unpleasantly so. “Everything okay?”

Before Chikara could answer, Kanoka threw herself and Chikara's rucksack into the front seat. “Come on lovebirds, we're gonna be late.”

“Tell me later,” Yuuji said, as he got behind the wheel and started the long drive to Karasuno.

–

Yuuji had four hours to fill before he needed to fetch Chikara from school. The two hour round trip made it pointless to go back home, yet he didn't know where anything was in the area. Plus, anyone he'd met at matches before was long gone from the school. Besides, Chikara had insisted he let Kanoka take him into school alone. His reasoning that people would stare at him enough for being older and in his wheelchair rang true enough, although Yuuji couldn't help but feel there was something else going on, especially when he wouldn't kiss him goodbye.

He parked up a few roads away from the school and looked on his phone for what was nearby, hoping he might find a cafe or bookshop, maybe even a cinema. But Karasuno School was in a much smaller village than his own and there was nothing very close. He cursed himself for not bringing some entertainment and made a mental note to borrow Chikara's tablet for the rest of the week.

A loud knock against the window made him jump and he heard a throaty laugh from outside. He looked over to see someone peering through the glass.

“Hey!” The woman moved her hand, indicating he should open the window.

Yuuji did so, even though he was still unsure of what he'd done wrong. “Can I help?”

“You don't remember me? Oh my God!” Yuuji was more than relieved that she was still smiling despite sounding annoyed.

As he looked closer, he realised her face was familiar, but one he still couldn't quite place. Her hair was blonde, ears pierced, and chest ample. Yuuji blushed a little as he noticed this detail and made an extra effort to look her directly in the face. “Urm, yeah I think I know you. Can't quite place you though.”

“And after you ate all my sushi, too!” She looked into the back of the van. “You just dropped off Chika? Was he okay? Ryuu was worrying about him all last night...”

“Saeko!” Yuuji shouted, pointing at her.

“Yep!” She winked. “Once seen, never forgotten. Or so I thought. Guess you're all worked up about splitting up with Chikara and everything, you forgot all about me, eh?”

“Huh?”

“No, no, sorry, not splitting up! Wrong word. Being separated. Ya know.”

Yuuji sighed with relief. “Oh! I see what you mean. God. I thought you knew something I didn't.”

She blew through her lips. “You're joking, aren't you? You two are so annoyingly cute together, it sickens me.” She looked at her watch. “I have to get to work, I'll see you again.”

Yuuji gestured into the van's passenger seat. “Want a lift?”

“It's only just down there...” she said, pointing to her right.

“Yeah, but I have nothing else to do. Mind if I come and have something to eat and hang around while I wait for him?”

She thought for a second, before shrugging her shoulders. “As long as you don't take up a table if we get busy, and as long as you do actually buy food. My manager wouldn't be happy if you sat there nursing a coffee for hours.”

“Deal.”

Saeko got into the passenger seat, even though it was a literal two minute drive. Yuuji found space in the car park next to the restaurant and followed her inside. It was still too early for a lunchtime rush and only one table was occupied.

“If you go to that table,” Saeko said, pointing out a small round one over near the bathrooms, “That's the least popular one, you'll probably be able to stay there a couple of hours, no problem. The wifi password is on that sign there. I got to get ready and start working, but I'll take your order in a few minutes.”

“Thanks.” He shrugged his blazer off and put it on the back of the chair and then pulled the hideous tie off. He'd forgotten he was dressed like such a jerk. “There's no rush. Is it okay if I plug my phone in to charge?”

She waved a hand and walked off into the kitchens. He could see her finding her apron, chatting to the other waiters, clapping the chef on the back and laughing with her mouth wide open. Yuuji had always been fond of Tanaka whenever he'd spent any time with him; he was caring towards his friends, always trying to cheer them up and keep them going. Yuuji could always tell whenever he'd visited, Chikara was in such a good mood afterwards.

Saeko seemed just as friendly and warm, if not more so, and Yuuji could see where Tanaka got his nurturing side. He smiled as he thought about Chikara's friends; they'd be there for him while he was in Lancaster. He couldn't be leaving his boyfriend in better company.

–

As soon as they walked into the Ennoshita's house, it was obvious Toshi had done nothing but wait for them all day. She was bouncing up on the balls of her feet, desperately holding back from asking the hundreds of questions that had clearly been plaguing her while they were gone.

“So?” was all she said.

“It was fine, Mum. It was just school, like it always was and always will be.” He thanked Kanoka as she positioned him next to the armchair. “Bit more staring than usual, but I'm used to that.”

Yuuji followed behind, carrying his rucksack. He knew everything wasn't fine, but Chikara hadn't been forthcoming with information when he picked him up either. He'd said it was all fine, that he was tired and didn't want to talk about it. Kanoka had shrugged when Yuuji looked at her, and that was apparently all he was getting out of either of them.

“Who's putting me back in bed then?” Chikara said, looking at the three of them.

“Already?” Toshi sounded disappointed. “I thought you might tell me about your day.”

“There's nothing to tell...”

“Why don't I put you to bed, and you can fill me in?”

Chikara sighed, defeated. “Okay. Come on then, I'm knackered.”

Toshi pushed him towards his room, Yuuji watching them leave. Chikara still hadn't made eye contact with Yuuji since he'd picked him up.

Kanoka was already filling the kettle in the kitchen. “Let's have a cuppa, eh?”

He joined her at the breakfast bar, jumping up onto one of the tall stools. “What happened at school?”

“Oh, nothing.” She clicked the kettle and started searching for mugs. “I think it was more tiring than he thought it would be. You know what he's like though, doesn't want to admit it.”

Yuuji nodded and hummed. “He doesn't like feeling...weak.”

“Exactly. I tried to tell him it was normal to get tired, but...”

“Yeah, I can guess.” He sighed and stretched. “See how it goes tomorrow.”

She tapped the spoon against the edge of the mug, dislodging the trapped crystals of sugar. “Did you know the newspaper were going to be there?”

“What?”

She looked up and nodded solemnly. “Yeah. Didn't think you'd know. You wouldn't have let him go in cold. Must've been Toshi.” She grunted.

“What do you mean, 'newspaper'?” The kettle clicked off the boil as he spoke, making his words seem even louder.

“There was a photographer and reporter waiting. Took a photo of me pushing him into school.” She poured water into the four cups, passing one to Yuuji. “I guess it's a good news story or something. You know, he's come back from the accident. Refusing to give up, that kind of thing.”

“Shit.” He took a sip, cursing the heat. “Why would she do that to him?”

“Proud of him?” She blew on her own mug. “I don't think she meant to upset him.”

“But it did, right?”

Kanoka simply nodded. “He thought you might have known. I told him you wouldn't have, but he wasn't in the mood to listen to reason. He's not himself, is he? With everything he's got on his mind.”

Yuuji was, as always, grateful that Chikara had someone who understood him as well as his cousin did. It was another reason he knew he was leaving Chikara in good hands. He'd met a couple of the other assistants who helped out, but Kanoka was not only Chikara's favourite, she charmed everyone who met her.

There was a shout from the door to Chikara's room followed shortly by Toshi coming out, tears in her eyes. Kanoka rushed over and put an arm around her, while Yuuji went through the door before it had even shut properly after her.

Chikara was lying in his bed, his black pipe bent above his mouth. His eyes were shut and his duvet pulled up over his chin.

“Chika?” Yuuji said softly, walking over to the bed. “Everything alright?”

“Don't _you_ start.”

“Hey!” His voice was raising now, patience wearing thin. “I don't know what's going on, but don't take it out on me. Your mum just ran out of here crying, I only want to know if you're alright.” There was no answer. “Shall I come back in ten minutes?”

“No, no. Come here.” Chikara blinked his eyes open. “Sorry.”

Yuuji went over and knelt next to the bed, propping his head on the pillow next to Chikara and folding down the covers. He really did look tired. Yuuji stroked the hair out of his dark rimmed eyes. “Talk to me.”

“Did Kanoka tell you about the newspaper?” When Yuuji nodded, Chikara continued. “Well, I was annoyed about it, so I shouted at Mum. Feel a bit bad about it now you've said she was crying. I didn't mean to make her cry.”

“Well, people tend to cry when you shout at them.”

Chikara rolled his eyes and tutted. “Don't make me feel worse...”

“I'm not _trying_ to.” He carried on smoothing Chikara's hair between his fingers. “You feel bad cause you know you did the wrong thing. She'll be fine once you talk to her.”

Chikara turned his head, shaking away Yuuji's hand. “Can you fetch her for me?”

“In a minute.” He moved Chikara to face him again with his fingertips. “There's something else. You already weren't yourself before school.”

“Not now,” he said, starting to move his head away again.

“No, _now_ , honey.” He said, moving Chikara gently back to face him once more. “I've only got a week left with you and I want it to be better than this! I'd rather you didn't snap at me and avoid me. _You_ don't want our last week together for a while to be like this either, I know you don't.” He smiled and leant forwards to kiss him, but got no response. “So. How long are you going to sulk? If you let me know I can prepare myself for when you cheer up...”

“Oh for fuck's sake!” he spat out, making Yuuji flinch, “What do you _think's_ wrong?”

“I really don't know,” he responded much more calmly than he felt.

“I told you yesterday!” Chikara exhaled angrily, “You never listen to me properly.”

Yuuji thought back, desperately trying to recall the conversation he might be referring to. They'd gone out for a final cinema visit, before coming home and taking advantage of the empty house by having fast and noisy sex on the breakfast bar. Then they'd gone to bed, had a bit more (less frantic) sex in the bed, and fallen asleep cuddling.

“All I remember about yesterday is you insisting on calling our meal a 'cheeky Nandos' and then giving me some pretty spectacular blow jobs.”

“Please stop joking.” Tears were brimming in his eyes.

Yuuji tried again to remember. They'd been chatting as they fell asleep, as usual. Trouble was, after all the sex, he'd been pretty tired and happy, and if he was honest hadn't really been paying much attention.

“Okay, okay, I wasn't listening, obviously.” He slipped an arm under Chikara, resting on the bed next to him and tucking his other arm into Chikara's elbow. “Please, tell me again. I promise to take it seriously.”

“Yuuji,” Chikara leaned up into him, breathing against his cheek, “I don't want you to go. It's selfish and I hate myself for it. But I want you to stay here with me.”

“Ah.” He kissed Chikara gently on the lips. “Well of course I remember that. I'd be upset if you were looking forward to me leaving.”

“But...If I really...If I actually meant it. Would you stay?”

Yuuji looked at him, expression suddenly serious. “Well...I don't know. I think...Okay, so one of the reasons I'm doing this is for _you_ so if you've changed your mind about studying, then yeah, I might consider it.”

“Don't go for _me_!”

“Well, no, I mean...It's for me as well, of course!” As he spoke he stroked Chikara's hair again, watching affectionately as his eyes closed and his face softened. “Of course I want to study, but I also want you to be happy. So some combination of those two things. I could put off studying for another year, if you really wanted me to.” He spotted tears leaking from under Chikara's closed eyelids, so he bent and kissed him on the forehead. “Thing is, if I spend a year there first, even though that year is harder, the other ones are easier. You can be less worried about it, cause I know where stuff is and you have a head start on the others. Right?”

Chikara sniffed and turned to kiss Yuuji's wrist, before straining upwards to reach him. His kiss was salty from tears, but warm and clad with a smile at last. “You're right, of course you're right. I'm just being childish.”

“Don't be so hard on yourself. I'm not looking forward to it either, you know. But doing it for your sake as well gives me the strength to do it at all. Don't feel bad! I _like_ that I'm doing it for us.”

“ _Us,_ ” Chikara repeated with a sigh, nuzzling against Yuuji again.

The position Yuuji had got himself in wasn't the most comfortable for holding and kissing Chikara. Despite this, he put everything he had into their embrace, kissing him fiercely until they were both breathless.

It was Chikara who stopped first, with a sigh. “Much as I don't want to stop this, I think I'd better apologise to Mum.”

Yuuji nodded. “I reckon so. If you could possibly stay at this level of hotness until tonight, we can continue where we left off.”

“Give us a hug before you go, then,” Chikara asked, “So I know we're okay.”

Yuuji hugged him, thinking that they were probably the most okay they'd been for a few weeks. Honesty will do that for you.

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

The remainder of their last week together went pretty much as you might expect. Every day Yuuji would arrive and drive Chikara to school, before going and waiting at the restaurant where Saeko worked.

He borrowed Chikara's tablet and watched a few films while he still had the time to do so; he knew once in Lancaster he wouldn't have free time if he wanted to go home as much as he wanted to, to hell with it, _needed_ to. For Chikara's sake as well as his own, they needed to see each other often, there was no argument about that.

At two, he'd go back to school and pick him back up again. As his school days were shorter than everyone else's, Yuuji missed the really bad traffic. Since Monday, the drives home became chattier, particularly with Kanoka.

On two of the days, Chikara was assisted by Jada, a student having a year out before university. Even though she was a year younger, she was staunchly political and a little intense for Yuuji's taste. Still, he was happy to hear her ferocity came in handy whenever anything was unfairly slanted against Chikara; the school had ordered voice recognition software for the computers after she found out she would be typing for Chikara and argued of the discrimination with the Deputy Head.

Friday was the one day which deviated from this routine. Yuuji and Saeko arranged between them to take lunch over to school together, so Yuuji turned up at the restaurant to help prepare it. He was pleasantly surprised to see Tanaka, who took a half day from work to help out and catch up with Chikara too.

Tanaka was full of apologies for not spending more time with Chikara, which Yuuji waved away. If he was honest, he was glad he'd been able to monopolise Chikara for a few weeks, not that he told Tanaka that.

Chikara was delighted even though he was a bit freaked out at first by his boyfriend and two of his loudest friends showing up with plates full of sushi. Yuuji was becoming accustomed to getting shy grins instead of kisses when he turned up at Karasuno, but this time he got a kiss blown at him from across the table.

However, Konoka was the most surprised of all. If Yuuji had known she had dated Tanaka at school, he would have thought to mention her presence to him. Luckily, the reunion was pleasant and full of teasing rather than recrimination.

Back at Chikara's, they'd spend the evening together, simply existing in the same space while they still could. Yuuji felt bad about spending so much time away from his parents, but his mother reminded him they were coming to Lancaster for a few days to move Yuuji into his accommodation, and they would see each other then.

On their last evening together, Chikara and he clung to each other for dear life. He suggested videoing them, so he had a permanent memory of them falling apart together. However, Chikara, usually experimental to a fault, baulked at the idea.

“No, Yuuji. What if someone else ever saw it?”

“They wouldn't! I'll password lock it.” He kissed his nose. “Anyway. So what if they did? I'm not ashamed!”

“I'm not ashamed either. But this is special, it doesn't need recording. It makes it...I don't know. I don't want to say cheap or nasty. It's just...it's not for me, okay?”

So Yuuji had to be content to commit it to memory instead. He memorised every inch of Chikara, each dip and curve of soft flesh. Every moan, every sigh. The pinkness of his skin, the squish of his stomach. The breathy whisper of his name against his cheek as Chikara moved the tip of his nose along it. Every crinkle at the corner of his eyes when he smiled back at Yuuji

–

Yuuji had been dreading Saturday morning, but in the end, it went better than he could have expected. He wouldn't have chosen to be kicked out of bed by Toshi wanting to get Chikara ready for a visit from the district nurses, but it certainly helped him to not have the time to get upset.

She gave him five minutes, which he spent hugging and kissing Chikara instead of getting dressed, which led to sighs of frustration when she came back to find him still wearing only a pair of shorts.

Chikara snorted with laughter when he tripped over trying to get dressed quickly before Toshi came back a third time. He had just enough time to kiss him and tell him he loved him for what seemed like the millionth time that week before she barged through the door with a cry of, “For goodness sake! You'll see him in a couple of weeks!”

He laughed as he left, still shoving things into his bag, but it hit him on the walk home.

As he went through the door the tears started. His mum caught him in her arms, with a soft, “Oh, honey.”

–

It was easy to be distracted for the rest of the day. Once he showed his parents all the boxes he needed bringing up and hugged them, all that was left to do was negotiate the trains up to Leeds.

It was Futamata's idea to visit him on the way; “The train pretty much goes through here to get to Lancaster! It'd be rude not to stop and say hello.”

Yuuji often felt regret for seemingly dropping his friends in favour of Chikara. He hated those people for whom a partner comes first, and in any other circumstances, he truly believed he wouldn't have been one of them. He needed the practice at making time for other people, and university would help.

It was his first time in Leeds and he hadn't been expecting it to be so busy. The train station was filled with people walking in a complicated grid between gates, weaving around large colourful block letters spelling the name of the city which seemed randomly dropped on the concourse.

He'd have been able to immediately pick Haru out at home, where his friend stood out a little more; he'd dyed his hair darker for years and styled it in messy spikes, but since starting sixth form, he'd also taken to adding a little eyeliner and swapped his school uniform for band t-shirts, skinny jeans and Converse.

However, there were a lot of people in Leeds who looked like Haru, no doubt due to it being the start of term and there being four universities in the city.

He got his phone out to ring him, but then something caught his eye, something yellow flashing in his peripheral vision; Haru was wearing his old Johzenji tracksuit jacket and waving frantically.

He smiled as Yuuji jogged over. “Thought this might help you find me.”

“Hey! Oh man, am I glad to see you.” He hugged Haru with one arm, hanging onto his rucksack with the other. “This place is crazy! I love it.”

“I thought we'd look 'round the city a bit. Is that heavy?”

“Well, yeah,” he said apologetically. “It's got stuff to last me until Mum and Dad bring everything else. I can manage though! I'm strong.”

Haru led them out of the train station onto a main street. Yuuji had no idea where they walked, everywhere looked the same; full of people, with loads of glass roofs everywhere. It was loud and big and Yuuji loved everything about it.

After mentioning he was hungry, Haru took them to a small building on a cobbled street, covered in black and white graffiti, where they had the freshest, most delicious pizza Yuuji had ever tasted.

Next door to the odd little restaurant was a large building Haru referred to as a Corn Exchange. It was mainly filled with shops, but then Yuuji spotted a place selling hot dogs and insisted on a second course of food.

“Oh my god, this is amazing,” Yuuji said through a mouthful of sausage and onion chutney.

“You need to pace yourself! Let's go back and drop off your bag and have a sit down before tonight.”

Yuuji swallowed his hot dog. “What _are_ we doing tonight?”

“Thought we'd go to a gig, if that's cool?”

“Yeah, 'course!” He should have known that would be the plan. Haru was a regular concertgoer, in sixth form he had an older group of friends he used to go with. Yuuji had never been to see a live band and didn't know that much about music, but he was always up for new things. “Who is it?”

“Dunno.” Haru shrugged. “Whoever's playing.”

“Really? You just go and see whatever's on?” He shook his head. “Amazing.”

“Come on. I need to pick up some bits on the way to the bus station.”

He followed Haru from the Corn Exchange down a less busy side street. A lot of the shops were empty or run-down, but the street ended in a triangular junction of roads, and was suddenly full of life. On one side of the road was a pub, its beer garden covered in graffiti, another side a gate covered in a spray painted portrait of a woman with flowing hair.

Haru crossed the intersection to the third side, leading Yuuji into an art supply shop. He seemed to know the staff by name and chatted for a while with a green-haired woman with glasses. The shop windows were huge and Yuuji took a better look at his surroundings. This city was such a place of contrasts, busy a few footsteps from eerily quiet, brand new glass buildings next to collapsing ones.

“Yuuji? Ready?”

“Yep!” He turned to Haru and pointed. “That portrait over there. Couldn't tear my eyes away.”

“Yeah, it's good isn't it? Someone on my course did it.”

Yuuji took a minute to follow Haru from the shop, still looking at the portrait. He really loved Leeds.

–

The bus ride into Headingley was short but crowded, where apparently almost every house was filled with students. It was noisy, messy with litter, and _alive._

“We could have walked. I do quite a lot, but I thought with your luggage...”

“This place is so you!” Yuuji said, not hearing Haru as he was too busy looking at everything as they walked past it. “Can we try that Mexican tonight? No, wait. Is that a restaurant serving just barbecue?”

“I'll cook us something,” Haru said quickly.

“I'm not letting you cook for me! We'll do one tonight, one tomorrow. How's that?”

“We'll see.” He laughed affectionately. “You don't change, do you? Where do you put it all?”

Yuuji patted his slight belly. “It's starting to show these days. Not doing enough training.”

They turned down a side street, the name of which Yuuji recognised from the address Haru had given him. “You going to do volleyball in Lancaster?”

Yuuji shrugged. “If I have time.”

“I guess you'll be going home a lot.” He turned up a garden path leading to an imposing three storey building, with two bay windows at the front either side of the door. The garden was slightly overgrown, with a worn table and chairs and a broken parasol. “Here we are.”

“It's huge!” Yuuji said, as Haru held the door open for him. The front door opened into a hallway with a staircase. “Where shall I put this?”

Haru pointed to the room on the left, one of the ones with a bay window. “Joe isn't back for a couple of days, he said you could use his room.”

“A ground floor room. Huh.” He looked around and thought about how he could have managed to get Chikara into this house, and reflexively checked the height of the ceiling and the size of the bed.

“You're thinking about Chikara,” Haru said from the doorway.

“No, I'm...”

“It's okay you know. You can talk about him. I won't mind.”

Yuuji put his rucksack onto the bed and starting taking a few things out. He didn't trust himself to look at his friend. Before he'd been overwhelmed by the city, but now in this quiet room, his thoughts were starting to surface again. He fought to keep them under wraps.

On the one hand, he didn't want to talk about Chikara because he was here to connect with an old friend, not talk about his boyfriend. On the other hand, thinking about Chikara was a bit raw and way too painful right now.

Before he could stop himself, tears were threatening to fall.

“Later. Where's the bathroom?”

“Up the stairs, first door on the right.”

Yuuji wasn't sure if Haru had noticed his emotional state, because he didn't dare look at his expression. He walked past him to the stairs, saying with a fake laugh, “Haven't had a piss in hours.”

Haru didn't speak, but he did reach out a hand and tap him on the shoulder as he walked past.

He spent longer in the bathroom than he would have liked, mainly because he gave in and let himself cry and his red eyes took a while to calm down.

As he walked out of the bathroom, he snook a look at the rest of the first floor, and spotted what he knew must be Haru's room. The door was wide open, and he could see from the corridor that the walls were covered in posters and postcards. The floor was also littered with black clothing and discarded shoes, something which made Yuuji fondly shake his head in recognition. He'd been used to picking up after Haru in the changing room when he was captain.

“Do you want a drink?” Haru shouted up the stairs.

“On my way!” he answered, suddenly feeling more cheerful. He tripped his way down the stairs and followed the sound of Haru's voice to the back of the house where he found the kitchen.

He stopped short in the doorway when he spotted the backs of two heads at the table, neither of whom were Haru, who was near the sink filling a kettle. He made an involuntary sound, which caused them both to turn around.

“You must be Yuuji,” said the one on the left. They also had a long black fringe hanging into their eyes, but were much shorter and slighter than Haru. “I'm Em.”

Yuuji waved and sat down at an empty seat next to them. “Oh, hi. I've heard about you.” He flushed as he realised how it sounded, and began stammering. “As in. That he knows you. Not that...”

Haru shoved him roughly in the back to stop him before he made it any worse. Haru had let slip over the summer he had a crush on one of his friends and was nervous about them being one of his new house-mates, worrying he wouldn't be able to keep the crush a secret once they were in the same space more often.

The other person sitting at the table laughed, catching Yuujis' attention. His hair was longer than Haru and Em's, but exactly the same shade of matte black. Yuuji wondered if they bought their hair dye in bulk as a household expense.

“I'm Marty,” he said, in an Scottish accent. In front of him on the table was a pint glass of what Yuuji thought might be cola. “You want a hot drink or a real one?” He held up the pint glass and gestured to Yuuji. “You can have a Murphy's if ya like?”

“We're pacing ourself. Off to the O2 tonight.” Haru sat next to Yuuji and gave him a small smile. “Take his mind off missing someone.”

“I should get ready, didn't notice how late it's got.” Em stood up and stretched their arms, pulling the sleeves of the stripy cardigan they were wearing over their hands. “What time are we going?”

Haru looked up sharply at Em and then at Yuuji. “I hadn't...” He looked back at Em. “ I didn't ask him yet.”

Em looked mortified and began apologising, but Yuuji laughed. “As if I'd mind your friend coming. More the merrier.” He turned to Marty. “You coming, pal?”

“I have other plans. Involving some more of these,” he lifted his glass again, “And a certain lovely young lady I met last night who gave me her phone number.”

Em spoke softly as they padded out of the door. “Well, I think I'll go to my room – before I make a bigger arse of myself. See you all in an hour?”

Haru nodded and watched them leave. Yuuji caught Marty dramatically rolling his eyes and tutting. Obviously Marty had either been told about Haru's crush, or more likely had worked it out for himself if the way Haru acted around Em was always this obvious.

“So,” he said, preparing himself to wind Haru up, “That's Em.”

“Don't you have to ring Chikara?” he replied, ignoring him and making the coffee.

–

He found some time to call Chikara, finally, after he'd had a quick shower and changed his clothes. He'd meant to ring as soon as he arrived in Leeds, but got sidetracked with eating and making fun of Haru.

“Sorry! I hadn't forgotten you.”

Chikara's laugh reverberated through the phone. “Nobhead, I only saw you this morning. You're so needy! You've got to get better at being away from me.

“Ouch! So cold. Okay, I won't call tomorrow then.”

Chikara laughed again. “What's Leeds like?”

“Busy! Really _really_ busy. But I like it. A lot.”

“Would I?”

“Can't see why not. Although it's a bit hilly.”

“Maybe we should go away there one weekend? Could bring the electric chair.”

“Thought we had to get better at being apart. Now who's needy?”

“What're you doing later?”

“Gig. Not sure who.”

“Hope it's good.” There was a pause, and Chikara's voice was quieter when he spoke again. “Who else is going?”

“Just Haru and his house-mate I think?”

“Oh, the one he likes?”

“Yep.”

“What's she like?”

“They.”

“Hmm?”

“Em uses 'they' pronouns. They're genderfluid.”

“Oh, right. Sorry, I just assumed 'cause I thought Haru was straight.”

Yuuji lowered his voice. “Yeah so did he. He's confused about stuff right now. I'm gonna try and have a chat with him about it, if he lets me.”

“You're a good friend.”

“Well, let's see how it goes after I actually do it. I'm worried about fucking it up and saying the wrong thing. Or giving terrible advice.”

Chikara snorted. “I'm sure he'll appreciate talking about it no matter what. Listen I have to go, I'm going out tonight with Ryuu and we're meeting him soon.”

“And who are _you_ going with?”

“Konoka.”

Yuuji sucked through his teeth. “Won't that be really awkward?”

“I don't think so?” He paused, obviously thinking about it more deeply. “Maybe. We'll see.”

“I want to hear all about it tomorrow, please.”

“Right back atcha.”

–

The O2 was smaller than Yuuji expected. He'd imagined it would be the arena, for some reason, which was why he was so shocked to hear they were going there without even knowing who was playing. Haru and Em laughed at his confusion, before Em linked both their arms and found a place in the queue.

Haru pointed out his college building across the road, explaining the pub next to the venue was their local; he made a comment about it being a bit too close to college and interrupting Em's studies, which made them blush and nudge him. Yuuji thought that perhaps Haru's crush wasn't quite as one-sided as he'd described it.

The queue moved slowly around the side of the building, and Yuuji listened to the two of them chatting about college, other students and past nights out. They kept trying to bring him into the conversation, but he kept telling them he didn't mind. He liked hearing them talking easily to each other, it made him feel good to know one of his friends was so happy in his studies and had people watching out for him.

Besides, Yuuji was tired from the travelling and full of the barbecue food they'd eaten prior to the gig. Em had tried to insist on paying for themselves, but Yuuji insisted, stating it was a thank you to them both for letting him stay.

If he could have chosen anything to do right at that moment, it would be to sleep.

Movement in the road caught his eye; someone in a wheelchair was being pushed down the road past the queue and through a side door.

A mutter from behind of, “That's so unfair,” caught his attention. He tried to ignore it, but then another voice joined in.

“Yeah, just cause of the chair he gets to go in? We've been waiting for ages!”

The first man replied, “Next time, we should borrow a wheelchair so we can get in first. What do you think?”

He turned around to see who was speaking, and came face to face with two tall men with short hair, dressed almost identically.

Before he could stop himself, his voice was raised. “Hey! It's not an accessory, he needs that. Anyway, why shouldn't he get in early? It'll probably take him longer to get to his seat.”

“Shows what you know,” the slightly shorter one said, “There's a lift and a whole section for wheelchairs.”

“I heard the person doing the pushing gets in free...”

“You're kidding! Next time, we're _definitely_ bringing a wheelchair.” They bumped fists with a sound like an explosion.

Haru touched Yuuji's arm. “Leave it. They're drunken idiots.”

“But it's...” He stopped himself when he caught sight of Em, nodding and looking nervous, clinging to Haru's arm. “Okay, sorry. But they're so out of order.”

“Save it,” Haru spoke softly, “There's worse things to get in fights about in this place on a bad day. Depends who's playing. From the look of those two, it might be...well, I don't know, but maybe a band who has a mosh pit.” He turned to Em. “What do you reckon? Should we stay?”

“I don't mind,” they said. “Anyway, Yuuji's here for a fun night out.”

Yuuji made up his mind. “Come on. Why don't we go to your local instead?” He started walking out of the line, beckoning them to follow him. “I'm tired and I'm not that bothered about it. I'd rather catch up with Haru, and get to know you and stuff.”

Em smiled back and ran after him, followed shortly after by Haru shaking his head. “Okay. Why do I have a sinking feeling? Like...you're going to tell them all my dirty little secrets from high school?”

“Because I am!” He linked Em's arm and stage whispered into their ear. “Did he tell you yet, he once covered his head in mayonnaise thinking it was conditioner?”

–

At the pub, Yuuji could see them both relax more immediately. There were people who held up a hand and nodded, some said hello, even the barman knew their usual order. Haru came back with three pint glasses of dark purple, fizzy liquid and passed one to each of them. “Snakebite.”

“And what is it?” Yuuji asked, looking at his glass suspiciously.

“Give it a try! And then try to guess.” Em was less tense away from the queue, more like they'd been back at the house. Yuuji was already taken by their enthusiasm, and the way they obviously cared for Haru.

He took a sip from the pint. It was sweet and tangy, with some bite underneath. It reminded him of squash he had when he was younger, or cough syrup, he couldn't decide which.

“It's...weird. I'm guessing blackcurrant? I'm not sure what else, though.”

Em leant forward pointing out imaginary lines on the glass. “It's half cider, half lager, and then a shot of blackcurrant.”

Haru laughed at the disgust on Yuuji's face. “Yeah, it's not for everyone, dude.”

“Whoever thought that would be a good idea?” he wondered, drinking some more.

By the third one, Snakebite seemed like a tremendously good idea to Yuuj, but then again so did almost everything else.

After trying not to talk about Chikara all day, he brought him up, and then described him in great detail to Em. Then he suddenly remembered photographs existed, and excitedly scrolled through the ones on his phone.

“This was when he was in hospital. That's our tree. Oh! This was on holiday! Outside the castle. It was pissing it down with rain.”

“You both look so happy,” Em said with a sigh.

“He was,” Haru joined in, “That's when you proposed, isn't it?

Em's face shot back up at Yuuji, filled with delight. “You're engaged? So cool!”

“Well, no,” Yuuji said, “Not exactly. I gave him a ring.”

“You'll get married. It's you two, isn't it?” He turned to Em. “They're sickeningly good together.”

It wasn't the first time he'd heard that description. If he was honest – or more likely because he was a little bit tipsy – it was getting on his nerves. Why were they sickening? He tried really hard not to be too effusive in his affection when other people were around.

“Whad'ya mean?” he demanded, slightly too loudly, of Haru.

“Well, you know. You're obviously...in love.” He put a hand on Yuuji's shoulder. “Hey, I meant nothing bad by it! It's good seeing you happy.”

Em was nodding. “Haru told me about you, and about Chikara, said how you were inseparable!”

“Not any more.” The melancholy he'd struggled to keep at bay all day burst through the banks, bolstered by all the snakebite. He wiped at his eyes angrily. “God. It's so stupid. Why do I miss him so much already? It's been less than a day! I'm never going to make it nine months.”

“ _Because_ it's been less than a day,” Em said, stroking his back. “It's all very fresh. You'll get used to it. It's going to be fine.”

Yuuji didn't want to shout at Em, when they were being so kind and listening to him moaning despite him basically being a stranger – but he didn't feel like it would be fine, and knew he didn't want to get used to being away from Chikara.

–

Yuuji woke in the middle of the night on the floor of a strange room. He was lying on half a duvet, the other half folded over him, a flat pillow under his head. He could tell it must be Haru's room, as he recognised a lot of the postcards from earlier.

He'd only woken in the first place because he was dreaming he was on a boat, in the middle of an ocean, water slopping around the sides of it and threatening to upend him into the unforgiving sea. But even though he was awake, he could still hear it.

He lifted his head and caught whispering amongst the watery sounds. Immediately he hid back under his duvet, feeling a mixture of shame, confusion, and impending hangover.

Ultimately, despite the guilt at being more hindrance than help, he was left feeling happy that Haru sorted things out. He put his head under the pillow so he couldn't hear his friend talking with and kissing Em in the bed next to him.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

At six, when he was sure the other two were asleep, Yuuji snook back downstairs to the room he was meant to sleep in. He couldn't quite remember the end of the night, or how he'd ended up in Haru's room, but he knew for a fact Snakebite was powerful and that he never wanted to drink it again.

He lay under the covers, trying to sleep again, looking at his phone. What time was reasonable to call Chikara? He had his pipe to control the phone, he could answer it without disturbing his parents...but maybe he was asleep? Was he managing to forget the ache in his chest and sleep through it?

A terrible thought occurred to Yuuji that he might be the only one with a throbbing emptiness. He tried to brush it off as hangover dread, but he was tired, emotional and fragile. He unlocked his phone, seeing the picture of himself and Chikara smiling in the private cinema of Rudding Park, another selfie he'd attempted to take where Chikara refused to look at the camera, contenting himself with smiling at Yuuji instead.

If you smiled like that at someone, you missed them when they weren't around.

The thought soothed him, until the ringing of his phone cut through the momentary peace; another photo of Chikara popped up underneath his name, and Yuuji almost dropped the phone in his rush to answer.

“I was lying here staring at my phone, trying to decide what time I could call you without freaking out your parents. And then it rang, and it's you!”

“Morning, Yuuji.” The sound of his voice, sleepy and affectionate, amplified the aching so much he found it hard to breathe through. “I woke up and you weren't there. It was so weird. I had to call.”

“God, I miss you,” Yuuji breathed out into the receiver. “I don't care how needy that is, and I know it'll get easier, and...but fucking hell, I wish you were here.”

“Me too.” Chikara's voice was thick, and Yuuji knew he wasn't the only one feeling empty. “All of that.”

–

Yuuji wasn't sure for how long they spoke, or at what point during their phone call he fell asleep, but when a soft tapping on the door awoke him, the time according to his phone was after noon. “Come in!”

Haru lumbered through the door, fully dressed and holding a cup of coffee. “Here you go. Tried to give you one earlier but you were sparko.”

“Thanks,” he said, taking the coffee. “Sorry about last night.”

“Nothing to say sorry for, dude.”

“But...what happened?”

“Oh!” Haru laughed. “That's why you're apologising! Well, ya know. You had too many snakebites and talked about Chikara. Cried a bit. Then I let you sleep on my bedroom floor because you, urm, didn't want to be alone.”

“Oh, God,” Yuuji groaned into his hand.

Haru merely laughed again. “It's fine. You were more funny than annoying.”

Yuuji drank his coffee to avoid having to speak. As soon as it was in his mouth, he shot up in surprise. “Oh man! Is it 'cause I'm hungover, or is this the best coffee I've ever drunk?”

“Probably good coffee. Em's a barista, so we get nice ground stuff and they know how to steam milk and shit.”

The memory of the sounds he heard the night before came back to him. “They're really lovely.”

“Yeah,” Haru trailed off and sat on the bed.

“I'm sorry I wasn't any help after all. I mean...I said I'd talk to you about them and stuff, and I just went on and on about missing Chikara. I really am sorry.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? You don't remember?”

“What?”

“Wow. You were drunker than I thought.” He drank his coffee and narrowed his eyes at Yuuji. “Are you taking the piss? Or you really don't remember?”

“I _really_ don't remember.”

Haru shook his head and lay across the end of the bed, carefully so as not to spill the remains of his drink. “Well...you _were_ talking about Chikara, obviously. Em asked about his accident. I hadn't mentioned it so they were surprised about the wheelchair.”

“You didn't mention that?”

“Nope.” He looked at Yuuji. “Why? Should I have?”

Yuuji shrugged. “Well, no. I never thought about it, really. I always assumed...” He smiled. “It's nice. Like, it's not the defining thing about him, you know, so it means a lot when people don't go on about it.”

“Exactly. I mean, when disability gets mentioned, of course I think of Chikara, but it isn't what I think of when someone mentions him, ya know?”

“So, what do you think when you think of Chikara?”

“You, usually.” He chuckled and awkwardly took a gulp of coffee from his near horizontal position, before giving up and putting it on the floor. “So anyway, you told them about his accident and how you met him, all that. Then...now, don't be embarrassed, okay?”

“Oh fucking hell, what?”

“You talked about, urm, sex stuff.”

“Oh, what? Oh my God!” He buried his head under the pillow, groaning.

“It wasn't as bad as that sounds! Honestly. You were talking about how you can have fun with someone, even if it seems like it shouldn't work. How there's nothing missing from your sex life even though it's not...well,” Haru laughed, “You kept saying 'normal' and then shouting at yourself for saying normal, and then doing those stupid air quote things and rolling your eyes. You really are like a cartoon character.”

“Shut up,” came a muffled voice from beneath the pillow.

“So, anyway, you were telling us...how did you phrase it? Oh yeah. 'It doesn't matter what the physical shell is like if you love the innards'. “

“Oh jeez.”

“Yep! That's when we decided to come back and you begged to sleep on my floor. Em stayed in the room too. We were both a bit concerned about you. Or at least, they were, and I pretended I hadn't seen it all before.”

“I hate you.”

“It was...” Haru said, more quietly than before, “You really did help.”

Yuuji came out from underneath the pillow. “What do you mean?”

Haru turned onto his side, watching his fingers running along the duvet, creating channels in the fabric. “Talking about Chikara like that helped me and Em to...get on with it. I'd been wanting to not ruin our friendship, but you showed it can sometimes make things even better to make the next move.”

“Oh. Right.”

“And Em was worried about...physical stuff. But hearing about how you and Chikara make things work with what you have? Well, it really helped them too. So, we sat there on the bed, you started snoring. We looked at each other and laughed and...it just happened.”

Half of Yuuji was completely mortified at having talked about something so private, especially when Chikara had explicitly said he didn't want to be filmed because their love life was nothing to do with anyone else. But the other half was delighted that Haru had made a move and that he had been (without even realising) the catalyst.

“I'm really happy,” he said after trying to work out how to articulate both feelings, adding, “Please don't tell Chikara what I was talking about.”

“Okay. I shouldn't congratulate him on the engineering of your sex shelf, then?”

Yuuji listened to Haru's shrieking laughter from back under the safety of his pillow.

–

Although most of Saturday was gone, there was plenty of time to go into Headingley; Yuuji bought them all lunch at a small cafe attached to a huge fancy dress shop. Both sides of the building were full of students, either eating or trying on costumes.

“Why is this a thing?” he said to Haru, who was laughing at Yuuji's confusion.

“Well, Saturday nights, everyone gets dressed up and does The Otley Run. You want to do it tonight?” He was clutching hands with Em beneath the table, who had such a hopeful expression on their face he couldn't have said no, even if he wasn't so intrigued.

“Okay. But...I still don't get why people dress up?”

They both shrugged, Em saying, “Who knows. They just do!”

After poached eggs on toast, with ham for Haru, avocado for the other two, they mooched around the fancy dress shop looking for something for the evening.

Yuuji's wondering of, “Why are there so many golf outfits?” caused Haru and Em to laugh again. They explained some elaborate drinking game that Yuuji couldn't follow, but listening to them talking in tandem was entertainment enough.

In the end, he decided to buy a Pikachu onesie, because it was cheap, yellow and he was excited at the thought there would be something similar in Lancaster he might need it for. The fact it wasn't too obnoxious, and he'd feel comfortable enough wearing it in public, was also a bonus.

When Haru and Em picked out Mario and Luigi costumes, Yuuji felt a little like a third wheel. “Is Marty coming out with us tonight?”

“He might do,” Haru said offhandedly, “He usually has other plans. Some of your friends are coming though, right?” He asked, nudging Em.

“Yeah! Luc'll meet us at The Skyrack with the usual crowd.”

“You'll love 'em, Yuuji,” Haru reassured him as they waited at the counter.

*

The evening began at Headingley Taps, a large pub off the main road. They got themselves some food and watched some football all the while observing the groups coming and going. There was a ridiculous amount of people wearing plus fours and flat caps, carrying golf clubs and triangular flags.

At first, Yuuji ignored everyone, not loosening up at their next stop either. Arc was colourful, cleaner, and had even more people in fancy dress inside. A group of girls in leg warmers and spandex leggings waved at him, but he shrugged it off and ignored them too.

The evening really began when they got to The Skyrack and met up with Em's friends; there were about ten of them altogether, a number Yuuji hadn't expected even though they'd been referred to as 'a crowd'.

Haru started introducing all of them to Yuuji, but he held up a hand, saying, “Please, don't, I'm never going to remember all these names!”

Something struck him in the back of his head. He whirled around to see two people dressed in white outfits with red Rs stuck to the front, one in a mini skirt and the other in trousers. Yuuji looked to the ground and saw a red and white plastic ball which must have bounced off him.

“We got him! We finally got him!” the one with blue hair shouted, before they both stood with linked arms and the other stretched out. “Team Rocket!”

“Huh?” Yuuji was confused, having never actually played Pokemon. He always just thought Pikachu was cute.

“We caught you. That means you're mine now.” The one with long purple hair took Yuuji's arm, turning to Em. “All your things are now mine, and all my things are still mine.”

“Yeah good luck with that, Alex, he's engaged.”

“I have no idea what's happening,” Yuuji said to Haru, slightly desperate, “Help me?”

“It's your own fault for not bothering with Pokemon. You're on your own, pal.”

Alex and Hamid, the two people who were apparently dressed as characters called Jessie and James, were great fun, and an excellent distraction. The two of them crowded around Yuuji for most of the evening, talking about cocktails, the band their friends were in, and a cartoon series they read online about some kids starting a meteor shower. Whenever they met new crowds of students in the next pub garden, they carried on their performance of 'catching' Pikachu with the Pokeball, Yuuji's acting becoming more enthusiastic with each new audience.

He didn't have time to miss Chikara, especially after they made it to the final pub in the crawl, and Yuuji had to be convinced he wasn't hallucinating when they led him towards a boat parked in front of a multi storey car park.

*

His hangover was even worse on Sunday. He could barely think, the throbbing in his head was so painful, but he had to pack everything back in his rucksack. Haru hadn't been as drunk, Em had been keeping him sober and safe; Yuuji, on the other hand, had been plied with something at every pub on the crawl, most of which he didn't even know what they were.

The train journey to Lancaster, which he almost missed, was torture. It had been a mistake to get so drunk the night before he was moving to a new town. There weren't enough seats, so he was forced to squat on his rucksack in the corridor; at least he was near the toilet when he needed it.

When they eventually pulled into the station, it was quieter and seemed much more rural than Leeds despite being in the centre of town. The guard showed him where the bus to the university was and after a short wait he boarded. The journey took him through the rest of Lancaster, which reminded him of his home town, and then started to weave its way through increasingly green landscape. They pulled into the university, the bus sweeping them over a roundabout and under a bridge, where everyone started getting out.

Yuuji joined the flow of people up some stairs, following signs to Alexandra Square, and there, finally, was the heart of the campus. He took a deep breath and made his way to Furness lodge to pick up the keys to his new home.

–

It had been easy to find the lodge and they'd been helpful, giving him a map he shouldn't really have needed to find his way up the short path to the block of buildings.

His room was on one side of the ground floor; he wasn't sure if Chikara would ever be able to visit, but he didn't like the idea of him not being able to. He'd asked for this block as the doors and corridors were wider, and even the shared bathroom was wheelchair accessible.

The other rooms had still been vacant upon his arrival, doors standing open with pieces of paper taped to them; the one with his name on it was nearest the door.

It took two hours to unpack his rucksack, despite how little it contained. Part of the delay was eating the food he picked up from the small supermarket on the way to the lodge, and another diversion came in the shape of having to lie down and take some painkillers.

A lot of his unpacking involved putting clothes in the wardrobe which dominated most of the room, or putting his toiletries on the wash basin in the corner. However, the lion's share of his time was taken with sticking photographs and cards all over the wardrobe in an attempt to make the room feel a little cosier, more like it belonged to him.

He saved a few special photos for near his bed and around his desk. He wanted there to be nowhere in his room he couldn't see a photo of Chikara.

After unpacking, he lay down on the mottled brown bedsheets and stared at the photo of him kissing Chikara on his birthday which he'd stuck by his pillow. Eventually sleep washed over him in a haze of hangover and exhaustion.

*

A couple of hours later, he was woken by nearby voices and for a minute had no idea where he was. His headache was gone, replaced by confusion at the hideously patterned fabric he was lying on. Once he remembered the rest of the days' events, he found it hard to believe he'd been in Leeds only that morning.

He ignored his swimming head and stood up, steeling himself for meeting whoever he could hear in the flat. If he was going to live with these people, he should at least try and make a good impression.

As he walked past the other doors, he noticed the signs had been removed and they were now closed, only his still standing open. “Ah, shit,” he muttered as he realised they would have all seen him asleep on the bed. With the lack of possessions and his messy demeanour, they must have wondered if he was a local tramp who wandered in looking for a bed for the night.

He followed the sounds and their source seemed to be the kitchen, around the corner from the bedrooms and opposite the bathroom. It was large, mainly white, with a breakfast bar in the centre. Two of the stools were occupied, a third person sitting up on the counter next to the oven. This man looked up as Yuuji walked in, with a broad smile.

“Ah, here's the last of us,” he said with a point. The eyes of the other two followed his hand, and Yuuji stared back at three pairs of eyes on him.

“Hey.”

All three of them were wearing football shirts with jeans, and although their hair ranged from light brown to very dark brown, the styles were all close cropped. He suddenly felt out of place in his parrot patterned shirt and bleached hair.

“Hi there! I'm John, and these two are Mike and Steve.” The one sitting on the counter-top was already demonstrating his status in the household, introducing the other two who merely nodded.

“Hi. I'm Yuuji.”

“Ah, okay, we were wondering how you said that. What are you? Chinese?”

Yuuji's patience was already straining as he answered, “My parents are Japanese, I'm English.”

“Okay,” John said, with little interest. “We're off to the bar in a bit. You can come if you want?”

“Urm, no, thanks. Went out all weekend, bit tired. Thanks though.”

Mike joined in. “If you change your mind, you can always catch up later. We'll be doing all of them tonight.”

“Lock up your daughters, we're out on patrol!” Steve said with a lift of one fist in the air, followed by cheers from the other two.

Yuuji rarely felt uncomfortable with new people, but there was something about these three he found intensely unsettling. He couldn't put his finger on it, but he'd got a similar feeling in the queue in Leeds. He made a decision, and confidently said, “No, I probably won't. I need to call my boyfriend. Have a good night!”

He walked out immediately so he didn't have to see their reaction.

–

The next two days, he kept to himself. He spent the days getting to know the campus, how to get to his lecture hall, where the library was, and joined the sports centre. When in the flat, he tried to use the kitchen when no one else was in it, eating meals at awkward times.

He had to wait until Chikara finished school to speak to him, but they spent a couple of hours on the phone in the afternoon while he had a lie down. He'd confided in Chikara about how his other flatmates made him feel and Chikara was understanding, yet encouraging.

“Once you meet other people on your course, there'll be people you get on with.”

“But they're so loud! It's hard to concentrate when they're all here.” John's room, next to Yuuji's, seemed to be the meeting point for the three of them, as there was no communal area and he had a large television and games console.

None of them seemed to have noticed Yuuji had hardly anything with him, or if they did, they didn't mention it or offer anything. Not that Yuuji minded, he didn't want to be indebted to them. He would continue to make his own entertainment; the sports centre was somewhere he planned to spend as much time as possible, he didn't need to be pulled back into video games.

“If they're too loud for _you_ , they must be ridiculous,” Chikara said under his breath.

“It's not the volume so much. It's...I've got literally nothing in common with them! They're all younger than me...”

“By a year...”

“And obsessed with sleeping with as many girls as possible and playing drinking games.”

Chikara laughed at him. “You sound about eighty. You're only a year older than them!”

“Yeah, but they seem...I dunno. They laughed at my broccoli, Chika.”

“I'm not surprised, _I'm_ laughing at your fucking broccoli now.” His voice softened. “Couple of days time, lectures start, and you'll meet the friends you'll actually have at university. Try not to make things awkward with these people, you'll be living with them for a year.”

“Nine months,” he corrected. “And I'm counting down the days.”

–

On the Wednesday, his parents finally arrived with his belongings. They spent the whole day unpacking, he and his father building his computer onto the desk while his mother cleaned the bathroom and kitchen. He'd begged her not to, but she insisted, saying she felt needed that way.

As he hung up his shirts, he noticed she'd fixed his favourite black shirt, as well as ironing them all. He moved his fingertips along them, watching the light pick out some of his favourite patterns. In the previous days, he'd been considering changing his style so he didn't stand out so much, but looking at his clothes, he realised he didn't see why he should, and most importantly, he really didn't want to. He liked his shirts, anyone he cared about didn't mind his shirts – to hell with what strangers thought.

When everything was unpacked, his mum passed him a cook book she'd bought for him. The recipes all took less than ten minutes and cost very little. “You have to learn to cook properly.”

“I have broccoli!”

“ _Having_ vegetables isn't enough, you have to put them into your body. You can't take in the goodness via osmosis.”

“I'm going to eat it! I haven't decided how yet, that's all.” He looked to his dad for support. “Maybe soup? What do you think, Dad?”

“I think I'd like to go and eat,” he said from the fence he was sitting on.

His parents drove them into the town centre for a meal. It seemed his mum wanted to feed him up before she left, even though he'd managed to feed himself for four days already. They ate three courses at an Italian restaurant near his parents' hotel, after which they allowed him to sleep on the fold-out bed in their room.

Tamiko sat with him before he nodded off, stroking his hair and searching his face with concern. “Why didn't you want to go back?”

“I wanted to spend more time with you.”

“Don't give me that, honey bee. Have they said something to you?”

“No, no, nothing like that.” He didn't want his mum to start anything back at the flat, knowing it would only exacerbate things. “Promise.”

“You'll tell me if they do?”

“I might,” he breathed into his pillow, enjoying the long, soft strokes of her fingernails on his scalp.

*

In the morning, his parents showered and changed, leaving him snoozing, before they all went back to his flat.

The other three doors were still closed, but his stood wide open; the first thing he saw when he walked into his room was the broccoli, broken into small pieces and strewn over his bed.

 


	4. Chapter 4

The first time Yuuji called him through Skype was less pleasant than Chikara had been expecting. First Yuuji had to wait for the computer to make it to Lancaster and then there was a delay while he set it up and got the wifi connection working. In the end, Yuuji told him during yet another voice call that he would call on Sunday lunchtime, once his parents had left.

Chikara had been looking forward to seeing him again finally, but even though he knew how emotional Yuuji could be, he hadn't expected the crying when they first laid eyes on each other through the screen.

“Yuuji! Come on, you soppy twat, it's only been a week.”

“S'not that. Didn't want to tell you, but s'pose I have to now.”

“Oh, God, what's wrong?”

“No, no, sorry, nothing that bad. It's so fucking _high school_.” He sighed heavily and dropped his head on his desk. “I'm being bullied.”

Chikara stopped himself laughing at the melodramatic way he spoke, taking in the words. “Who's bullying you?”

“My flatmates. I _told_ you they were dicks. I tried to avoid them but that made it worse, 'cause they think I think I'm too good for them or something.”

“Wait, wait, slow down. Tell me what happened.”

So Yuuji filled Chikara in on what had been happening; the awkward first meeting – he'd kept the finer details about that day from Chikara when he told him – onto changing his habits so he didn't have to see them, and then what he described as the 'broccoli incident', which almost made Chikara burst out laughing again.

He told him about his mother squaring up to the other three boys, telling them they were childish, as he winced behind her, knowing it would make it worse. Which it had. The three of them were fine whenever his parents were around, but behind their back, they'd make jokes about him being a mummy's boy.

“I don't know what to do. They told my mum it was 'banter', the broccoli thing. You know. Lads being lads. And I don't know if I'm being super sensitive or something but...it doesn't seem right. I'm not used to it. I mean...we all did stupid things at school, but it wasn't mean like this. Well it was, but...everyone was in on it.” He sighed again and waved a hand. “I can't explain.”

“Did you get a lock for your door?” Chikara asked, ever practical.

“Yeah, I've been locking it now when I go out, but...I shouldn't fucking have to, right? I'm not weird for thinking this is off, am I?” It wasn't often Yuuji frowned, but even when he did, he still looked cute; this frown was miserable and tugging at Chikara in all the wrong ways.

“No, you're right. It's not fair. I hate crap like 'lads will be lads' but it might be true on this occasion. I'm sure they'll calm down once they're used to being away from home and they don't have enough time for this bullshit.”

“And until then?”

“You come and visit me on Friday, and I make you forget them.”

The frown melted and Yuuji propped his chin on his hand, leaning closer to the screen. “And how do you plan to do that?”

Chikara leant forwards slightly and whispered, “How about...I give you...the best...damn...” He paused, enjoying watching Yuuji's breath catch in anticipation, “...Broccoli soup you've ever tasted?”

Yuuji threw himself back into his chair laughing. “I hate you so much.”

“I know you do, love.”

“Shall I call you again like this tomorrow?”

Chikara desperately wanted to agree, but he had to force himself to say, “No, let's voice chat while I'm lying down.” He saw Yuuji's face fall, and quickly added, “I have other things I can't do lying down, I can talk for longer if we do that.”

“Oh yeah!” Yuuji brightened again, mood changing as always on the head of a pin. “Miss you.” He blew a kiss theatrically on a flat palm.

“You too.”

Chikara hung up and sighed. It was difficult to give Yuuji advice on what to do about the negative attention he was getting from his flatmates, because he was having the opposite issue with his own classmates; no attention at all.

After two weeks, he still hadn't made any friends, and people weren't saying very much to him. He wasn't sure if it was because he always had someone else with him, or if people felt uncomfortable around the wheelchair, if it was because he was two years older than everyone else in his class, or that he was there for less hours per week. There was so much that made him different from his peers, it was impossible to choose which caused most of the separation.

Outside of school wasn't much better. Tanaka still tried to come and visit, but his work schedule made it difficult to match his free time with Chikara's; a period where he had no school, nurses visiting, and he was out of his bed, wasn't easy to find. In the end they arranged for Noya and Tanaka to come over for an evening on the next Yuuji-free weekend.

He wanted to video chat with Yuuji, but the time he was sitting up had dwindled since school started, and even though he felt terrible for thinking it, it was a waste to spend it talking to Yuuji when that could be done in bed. He wouldn't see him, of course, but he just didn't have the time to spare any more. Any time he was out of bed, he should be doing homework and seeing friends.

He hadn't felt so isolated since he was in the hospital, and even then he'd had nurses, visitors, and the other patients. If it wasn't for Kanoka and his regular time chatting with Yuuji, he really thought he might have become miserable. Or should he say, even more miserable?

The weekend, and Yuuji, couldn't come soon enough.

–

That week, every day at school was the same.

Arrive after assembly and first period, when everyone else had already signed into the register and caught up on their news. Miss all the announcements. Sit through lessons, having to sit next to an assistant to take notes, despite his phone recording everything. Have lunch, where people tried not to watch him being fed. No time to socialise, having to sacrifice the rest of his lunch hour to speaking to his form teacher to hear the things he'd missed as he was later than and would be leaving before everyone else. More lessons, more note taking as he listened and tried to take it in. Leave before the final period, no chance again to speak to anyone.

He hated every minute.

He was grateful the school scheduled his lessons so he could fit them all in, but it meant by the time he got home he was mentally exhausted. By Thursday, not even the promise of a call with Yuuji helped, and anyway, even though Chikara didn't want to admit it to himself, talking to Yuuji was also tiring.

That enthusiasm of his was a double edged sword, something Chikara didn't realise when he wasn't at school and had all the time in the world to listen to Yuuji talking non-stop bollocks. It upset him that what he thought would be the high point of his day was becoming one more chore on top of the rest of them.

Yuuji wasn't a chore, he berated himself for thinking that. He was having a hard time too, and needed Chikara more than ever. This was difficult, but part of being in a real relationship was being there when the other person needed you.

However, by the time he finally found the energy and called him, Yuuji didn't answer; shortly afterwards, he stopped battling his exhaustion and nodded off.

He slept through until Jin came home from work at six and came to get him up for the evening. He hadn't planned to sleep so long, expecting Yuuji would call him back at some point and wake him. He got up quickly, Jin so well practised by now it was second nature, and rushed through some food, before requesting to go back to his room to use the computer.

Yuuji answered his video call quickly, appearing breathless in front of the screen.

“I was over the other side of the room and couldn't believe it was you calling! I thought you'd just ring me again, didn't expect this treat.” He plopped onto his desk chair, a bowl in one hand and a spoon in the other, and put his feet up on the surface.

“Evening, Yuuji.”

“Sorry I'm still eating,” he said around a mouthful, “But it's warm. Can't stop. Talk to me while I eat. Tell me about your day and stuff.”

“What are you having?”

“Porridge. I know it's weird, just fancied it.” He smiled back at Chikara, head on one side. “You look tired. You alright?”

He really was tired, but he felt better already speaking to Yuuji. “Yeah, it's school. I'll be fine. I've got a day to rest tomorrow before you come.”

Yuuji smiled wider, still chewing. “Fuck! I can't wait! What shall we do? Anything you want, we'll do it.”

“To be honest, all I want to do is nothing.”

“Sounds great,” he said through the sound of his spoon scraping around the bowl.

“Did you want to watch that superhero school anime thing you mentioned?”

Yuuji nodded, chewing on the last of his food. “Binge watch that, with takeaway Friday night, Saturday go to Mum and Dad's for lunch, if that's okay? Then Saturday night we could go out, or stay in again, I really don't mind.” He put the bowl down on the desk, scooting closer to his screen. “I don't care what we do, as long as I'm with you. God! I had no idea I'd miss you this much. It's probably 'cause I hate my flatmates and everything, eh?”

“Things no better?”

“They've gone back to ignoring me now. I lock my room when I'm out, so everything's safe. I mean, it's shit but I can cope with it. Lectures start Monday, hopefully I'll find friends there, right?”

Chikara looked at him, leaning on his hand on the desk; his smile was genuine and warm, his shirt blue and patterned with sailing boats, with a small pin on his collar saying 'pro-choice, pro-cats'. He wondered, not for the first time, how anyone could dislike Yuuji. “Yeah, you're bound to meet people you have things in common with in your lectures.”

“You're right, dude. As always.”

They carried on talking for about an hour, before Chikara suggested they stop their conversation so they had stuff to talk about over the weekend. Yuuji laughed, saying they'd never once run out of things to say, and Chikara had to admit that was true.

After hanging up, he felt silly for worrying about not finding friends at school yet. Yuuji was miles away and all alone; at least Chikara had his parents and carers around him. He should listen to his own advice, friends he shared interests with would follow in their own time.

–

“You're in a good mood,” Kanoka said the next morning, as she stood at the breakfast bar, shuffling scrambled eggs from a pan onto the top of some toast.

Chikara steered himself under the table. “Of course.”

Kanoka brought over two plates of food and sat next to him, grinning. “Is that cardigan new? Looks nice,” she said, grinding pepper over their eggs.

“It is.” He ate the bite she offered him after taking one of her own, pausing their conversation. After swallowing, he asked “Is it...does it really suit me?” His attempt to make the question nonchalant didn't work.

“Pfft if you were any more transparent, you'd be...a...” She stopped, looked confused, and ate some eggs.

Chikara leaned in, eyes wide, waiting. “What? What would I be?”

“I couldn't think of anything good.”

The two of them were still laughing when Toshi came through to find her car keys.

Kanoka stood up with the plates, and found them under a tea towel for her, smiling as she passed them over. Toshi nodded, said goodbye to Chikara. Before she was through the door, she turned back. “What time is Yuuji coming over tonight?”

“About five, I think. Are you...um...”

She walked back over to her son, hugging around the back of his head and kissing the top of it. “The table's booked for seven.”

He smiled back at her gratefully with a nod, and she went off to work.

“You want me to go when he arrives?” Kanoka asked from the sink.

“Um...yeah? Is that rude?”

She turned and laughed. “Absolutely not. I have no desire to be a gooseberry.” She wiped her hands on a towel. “Anyway, I have a date, so going home early would be great.”

“Super. Works out for everyone.”

“I'm going to have to work you hard though. You've got plenty of homework to do by Monday. Can't have Yuuji distracting you too much.”

“Same for you and...who's your date with?”

“I think we should do that English Lit essay before you forget the book,” she said, ignoring his digging.

–

Chikara heard him before he saw him. Had it really only been an hour since he finished his homework and went back to bed? The time had dragged immeasurably.

He could hear Yuuji talking to Kanoka in the living room; she must have left all the doors ajar so he'd know when he arrived. He couldn't make out any words, only a dull murmur, interspersed with Yuuji's laughter.

There weren't many moments he really despised being paralysed, but this was one of them, waiting patiently in his bedroom until Yuuji stopped being polite and excused himself. What was taking him so long? Why wasn't he heading straight to the bedroom, unable to hold back a minute longer?

If things were different, if  _he_ could move, he'd be running to the kitchen right now. He wanted nothing more than to sweep Yuuji away from Kanoka, drag him to the bedroom, and tell him how much he'd missed him. Then again, if he could literally sweep him off his feet, there were much more interesting things they could be doing. Fuck it, he could be kissing him right  _now_ .

“Yuuji!” he shouted, before he could stop himself.

This time the laughter was Kanoka's. He heard the front door click and footsteps drawing closer. Shit, he should have asked to face the door so he could see him. He'd been too focused on being the right way round so that Yuuji could push the bed over and lie next to him, but that seemed less important than seeing him  _now,_ as soon as possible.

The door squeaked as it opened wider, and Chikara's heart pounded in his chest. He had no idea why he was so tense but it was getting hard to breathe.

“Chika?” 

The sound made his heart jump higher, expand and fill his throat, making it impossible to answer with more than a hum.

“Hey.” As Yuuji came closer, the dim blur of his outline became filled with his features; slightly messier than usual blonde hair, those (ridiculous) short eyebrows, the deep brown twinkle of his eyes, and finally his mouth, lips fighting to pull into a smile even though the bottom one was beginning to tremble.

He wasn't the only one; Chikara's bottom lip wobbled, his eyes stung and he quickly blinked, which made Yuuji laugh and start crying too.

And then Yuuji leant even closer – and he wasn't alone any more.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Content warning - the end of this has an ableist slur and a tiny bitof violence. It's important to the story, but be careful if it might be triggering for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loooong chapter, but there was no way to break it up, so enjoy!

Waking up next to Chikara after the last two weeks on his own was utter bliss. It shouldn't have been such a change; he'd spent eighteen years sleeping alone, and only the last few weeks before moving away staying with Chikara overnight. After their holiday, it had been impossible for either set of parents to keep them apart.

Toshi and Jin had been surprisingly understanding, for which Yuuji had been more grateful than he could convey. They provided food for him, let him do his laundry, and never batted an eyelid if Chikara asked them to give them some space. Even his parents had been welcomed over for an evening of board games, his mum providing her infamous pavlova for dessert.

The favour was returned just before he moved to Lancaster, with the Terushimas welcoming Chikara and his parents into their house. It was a smaller space, but somehow Tamiko made room for them all. She liked Chikara's parents well enough, but hadn't quite forgiven them for thinking her son was too young to know that he wanted to be with Chikara. She did get some comfort from them celebrating their first anniversary and Yuuji giving him a ring, although she tried not to crow about it.

“What time is Tamiko expecting us?” Chikara asked, nuzzling against Yuuji.

“Oh, not for ages yet. I'm gonna go home while you get up, then come back and get you.”

“I'll get Mum or Dad to bring me, it's fine.”

“You sure?” he asked, kissing his nose.

“Yeah. Anyway, I'm not sure I could stop my mum from coming to say hello to yours.”

Yuuji put his arm under Chikara and held him closer. “We've got time for more of this.”

“What about my morning breath?” Chikara said, giggling against his lips.

“Hmm. Maybe we should get mouthwash next to the bed?” he suggested, as he kissed Chikara anyway.

–

The first thing he did as he walked through his front door was apologise for not coming over the day before. The second thing he did was extricate himself from the tackle hug his mother subjected him to.

“Okay, okay! I saw you seven days ago!” he said, as he playfully pushed her away.

“I wasn't excited to see _you,_ I was waiting to see Chikara. Why are you alone? Where's my favourite?” She looked around him, frowning theatrically.

“Give over, he's coming later with Toshi.”

“Ah, I guess I have to be content with you then, eh?” She hugged him again and started dragging him to the kitchen. “Come on, I'm going to teach you how to cook something. You've already lost weight in a week.”

The two of them chopped vegetables together while Yuuji told his mum what had been happening since she left. He kept having to tell her not to interrupt, and then not to get angry at his flatmates. She seethed the whole time they sliced courgettes, and cried a little too long for it to be merely the onions.

“It'll be better when I meet people on the course.”

“It better be, or I'm coming back and sorting them all out.”

“Oh God,” he mumbled, knowing full well she probably would and it would solve nothing.

“Okay. Let me teach you how to make a white sauce before he gets here.”

Layering the pasta and sauces was less fraught, the two of them dancing around the small kitchen, and then laughing together when Hiro walked in, tutted and left immediately. They managed to finish the lasagne a couple of minutes before the doorbell rang, giving them just enough time to get washed up and move some furniture to make room.

Hiro answered the doorbell, with Tamiko rushing behind him excitedly. Yuuji shook his head as he checked his reflection above the fireplace. He listened to his mother greeting Toshi, before turning in surprise as he heard Chikara's voice, and saw his father pushing the wheelchair into the room.

“Not doing so bad at this, am I?” Hiro asked, a proud smile on his face.

Yuuji didn't want to dampen his father's enthusiasm, so he merely said, “Yeah, well done, Dad,” before taking over the handles and parking Chikara near the sofa.

“Hmm, what smells so good?” Chikara asked.

“Me and Mum cooked lunch!” Yuuji said, sitting down next to him and taking his hand.

“Ah. Did I mention I'm feeling a bit off colour?”

Hiro laughed and offered Chikara a drink just as Tamiko finally finished speaking to Toshi at the door. She ran straight over to Chikara, passing Hiro on his way to get drinks.

“Chikara, my treasure, how are you?” she said, kissing his cheek. “How's school?”

“Awful.”

“Oh, sweetie, sorry to hear that.” She put a hand on his shoulder, as well as on her son's. “Yuuji says he hates university as well, if it helps at all.”

“Yeah, it does a bit.” He smiled at her. “What've you been cooking?”

“Well, I decided to teach him to cook something. I don't know about you, but I'm sick of hearing he's been eating porridge.”

“I don't _only_ eat cereal,” Yuuji complained, “I've had pot noodles as well!”

“The cornerstone of every nutritious meal,” Hiro said, carrying in a tray of tea.

“I'm happy you're reunited with your favourite son again, so you can all gang up on me,” said Yuuji, crossing his arms in a sulk.

–

Leaving Chikara was slightly easier the second time; he'd made it through two weeks without him, and now lectures were starting, he'd have even less time to get caught up in flatmate politics and “lads' banter”.

He'd tried to spend the weekend not thinking about what was waiting for him back in Lancaster, distracting himself with minutiae of every day life again. He'd helped Chikara do his homework but every now and again it swam into his consciousness. Chikara seemed distracted too, but when he'd asked about it, the only response was, “I'm tired from school, it'll get easier,” and Yuuji decided not to push it.

He returned to the flat to the usual cold shoulders, happy to see his room was still securely locked. As he unlocked his door, he caught Steve looking at him, sensed a glimmer of a smile, so he moved quickly inside before he could say anything hurtful. His photo of Chikara next to the computer reminded him of what he left behind, causing him to sigh and throw himself onto his bed.

He awoke at about ten and listened for sounds in the flat. All was quiet, apart from his rumbling stomach, so he slipped out of his room to go to the kitchen for food.

“Oh!” came a startled voice as he walked in. “Sorry! I thought you were all out. I was just fetching the milk and got sidetracked washing-up.”

In his avoidance of the kitchen, he hadn't met any other ground floor residents yet, so he had to assume this was one of the girls from the other side; she was average height, with long brown hair tied into a high ponytail which swung as she spoke, a permanent grin, and very deep brown eyes that sparkled as she talked.

“No problem,” Yuuji said, smiling back. It was hard not to, her expression was so infectious. “I'm Yuuji, don't think we've met yet.”

“Ah! The elusive Yuuji! Good to see you. I'm Nat, I look after Sonia.” She gestured with a hand in the direction of the other flats.

“Sonia?”

“Yeah! Uses a wheelchair? Surprised you haven't spotted us.” She carried on washing up dishes as she spoke. “Yeah, there's me, and then Sonia who I look after, and another girl called Ruth. We'd all decided you didn't exist.” She turned and smiled at him. “But here you are! Bold as brass.”

“Um, I've been away this weekend, maybe that's why?”

“Yeah, I suppose.” She finished the dishes and wiped her hands. “So, now I've met you, you want to come to our Hallowe'en get together next weekend? I've been talking to the lads and they're up for it. It'll be a few of us in the big kitchen across the quad, Kevin's flat over there. You met Kevin yet? He's a third year.”

“No, I...haven't really met anyone.”

“Ah, okay, no matter.” She waved a hand, her hair swinging again. “We're a friendly bunch. We all volunteer with disabled students, s'how we all met. So there'll be a few wheelchairs and whatnot.” She searched him for a reaction, and finding none, smiled again. “Costumes as well.”

“There's a lot of disabled students?”

“Yeah, every ground floor flat in this quad has at least one. Kevin's flat is massive, cause he has a huge wheelchair and two carers, so we've been meeting up in his kitchen. Listen to me,” she said, rolling her eyes, “I've only been here two weeks. Feels like forever though! Anyway, I'll get back to Sonia. Nice to meet you!”

He waved back at her as she left, the first genuine smile he'd felt since he got to Lancaster stretching across his face.

–

The next day, he managed to bag the first shift in the bathroom and leave the flat before the others were even up. As he walked across the quad, he heard someone behind him shout his name, and turned to see a complete stranger.

“Thought that must be you. Natalie described you.” Her hair fell in front of her eyes as she spoke and she kept shoving it back off her face irritably. “I'm Ruth. The other one from the flats.”

“Oh! Okay, nice to see you.” He turned and started walking again, worried he would be late for his first day.

She skipped to catch up with him. “I'm doing sports science as well, mind if I walk with you?”

He tried to think of a reason to say he could walk alone, but there were none. “Yeah, I guess,” he shrugged.

“Don't worry. I'm not like those twats in your flat.” She hoisted her rucksack on and screwed up her nose. “Well. Two of them are okay. It's that dick. John. He's on Sonia's course you know.”

“What's that?”

“Psychology. I bet he's one of those hyper masculine straight men who only behave like a dick when there's no one around bigger than them.”

Yuuji laughed in agreement.

“You're gay as well, right?” She looked at him, and must have caught the irritation that flashed across his face. “Sorry! If that's forward, I mean. I didn't come out until I moved here. Wanted a fresh start. Bit over-excited meeting other people who aren't straight.”

He took pity on her, affirming it with, “I'm bisexual.”

“Ah. Sorry. Must be shit when everyone assumes. You've got a boyfriend, so I did. Sorry.”

“How do you know I have a boyfriend?”

“Steve mentioned it. You don't mind me knowing?”

He shook his head. “Nah, curious that's all.”

“What's he like?” she asked, smiling up at him.

“He's called Chikara. We've been together for about eighteen months. And he's pretty great.” Somehow, it wasn't so painful talking about him this week, or maybe it was finally meeting someone he could talk openly to without feeling judged.

“And he's back at home?”

Yuuji nodded. “What about you?”

“Did you not hear me?” she asked, grinning, “I only just came out. I plan on sowing my wild gay oats all over this campus. All I have to do is find 'em first.”

“The LGBT society seems like a good starting point.”

“Way ahead of ya. I joined last week. Hey! Why don't you come this week?”

They'd reached Alexandra square, so he used the extra people to mask his avoidance of her question. He'd never had any desire to join groups of like-minded people in the hope he'd find someone he'd get on with. People were more interesting when they weren't sorted into sets according to the things they had in common. Yuuji thrived on differences, learning about how other people ticked. He could see how it would be useful for her, trying to find her place in the world; but he knew where his was already.

“Think it's up this way,” he said, walking further along the spine. By the time they found the correct building, she'd forgotten her question; he carried on their conversation, leading her away from the square and the subject.

–

His first full day of lectures made him feel more relaxed about Lancaster, reassuring him he hadn't made a huge mistake by going to university. He'd already been glad to meet Natalie and know one of the people on his floor wasn't awful, so to meet Ruth, who was friendly, easy-going, and also on his course, was a massive bonus.

He was grouped with three other men for his first assignment, who were all nice enough; Tom was dirty blonde and stocky, Kyle slightly shorter and darker-haired, though still broad, and Ethan was tall, lean and nearly bald. He was happy to learn Ethan was a mature student, and he wasn't the only one older than everyone else.

Things started slotting into place. Within a week, he had a routine, which he hadn't realised he needed until it appeared. Every day, he walked with Ruth to the lecture hall, before they split off into their groups for the day, then met back up with her for the walk back.

He began using the kitchen again, at first trying to time his visits with either Natalie or Ruth, until he eventually decided to bite the bullet and ask them to give him a knock when they walked past so he could spend time with them.

On the Friday evening, feeling like a real adult as he tried to make a lasagne for himself to freeze in portions, he looked over and smiled at Natalie making pasta for herself and Sonia.

She smiled back, before saying, “What?”

“Nothing! Sorry. I just finally feel...I dunno. Settled?”

“Good! 'Bout time. You want some of this basil?”

He took the leaves she held out to him, ripped them up and stirred them into the sauce. “Thanks.”

His white sauce was lumpier than the one his mum made with him, and there was something missing from the vegetable sauce he couldn't put his finger on – it was either pepper or garlic, he couldn't remember which he'd already added and didn't want to over-season it – but the lasagne looked edible, and there was enough for four portions.

Natalie took the pasta back to her flat, passing Ruth coming in as she left, and Yuuji sat at the breakfast bar to eat his dinner.

“Alright?” Ruth said, slamming a pizza into the oven.

Yuuji nodded, mouth still full.

“You're coming tomorrow, aren't you?” When Yuuji nodded again, she smiled. “What you coming as?”

“I've got a Pikachu onesie, I was just gonna wear that.”

“Aw that's cool! Natalie will be so jealous! She loves Pokemon.”

“What about you?”

“Me and Sonia are going as a witch and a cat.” She rolled her eyes. “I know it's boring, but I have cat ears. Natalie was going to go as a pumpkin, but the t-shirt she got is too small, no time to get anything else. So she might have to be a cat as well.”

Yuuji finished his lasagne, and started clearing everything away. “Hey,” he said suddenly, thinking of something, “My onesie would fit her! She could wear it, I'll be a pumpkin.”

“Really?”

“Why not?” He looked up at her from the freezer. “If you help me?”

“Oh dude! We have orange face paint! And green hair chalks. You're going to look so effin' cute.” She went over and hugged him. “This is really sweet of you. It'll mean a lot to her.”

“Ah it's nothing. I've already dressed as Pikachu, it'll be a nice change.” He hugged her back, and left her to her food.

As he walked back to his room, still grinning, he realised he might finally be on the way to having some friends.

–

His conversations with Chikara were more fun, too, as he had something other than complaints to share with him. There was still a stiffness when they used video chat, but they were both getting more used to it the more they did it.

On Sunday evening, however, the conversation started with shrieking laughter from Chikara, breaking any tension immediately.

“What the fuck do you look like?” he eventually managed to spit out.

“I am, quite obviously, a pumpkin.”

Natalie had been thrilled with the Pikachu onesie, and happy for Yuuji to wear her costume. He added a pair of shorts, but it was otherwise exactly what she had planned to wear; an orange t-shirt and tights, a full face of orange paint, with triangles for eyes and a mouth full of jagged teeth painted over in black, and a tuft of his hair coloured in green chalk.

“You look ludicrous.”

“I tell you what,” Yuuji said, sitting opposite the screen and putting a foot on his chair. “These feel amazing.” He stroked his calf, clad in soft orange nylon.

“Pfft. Perve.” He winked before carrying on. “Who's going to be there?”

“Dunno. Well, I mean, Natalie and Ruth, and I should get to meet Sonia. There's apparently a lot of people coming.” He sighed. “I think John, Mike and Steve might come, they seem to get on with Natalie.”

“Do you mean get on, or _get on_?”

“What d'ya mean?”

“You know what I mean. Do they all fancy her? Is she...pretty”

Yuuji leaned forwards into the camera. “Chikara, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were a bit jealous. You know you're the only one for me.” He started singing, “You're the one for me, Chika.”

“Have you had a drink already?”

“Natalie gave me a prosecco while she did my make-up. Just a little loosener.” He leant back again, with both feet on his chair and arms around his knees. “I'm nervous. Lots of people I don't know.” Looking up, he saw Chikara staring at his legs and laughed. “Now who's the perve!”

“I'm not! Well...your legs do look pretty good in those.”

“You want me to stand up? Show you the back?”

Chikara blushed. “No. Well. Yes, yes I do.”

Yuuji turned around, lifting the t-shirt's hem and looking back over his shoulder. “See, I have shorts on underneath. To protect my modesty.”

“You have skin-tight cycling shorts on! They do the exact opposite, I can see every curve.”

“You love it.” He turned to face Chikara again, still holding the shirt up, uncovering his stomach. “Don't you?”

“You know I do,” he said quietly. “Ring me when you get back. I don't care how late it is. Okay?”

Yuuji dropped his shirt. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah. I just...I really miss you today. Don't know why. Maybe it's...God, it sounds selfish...you're going to a party and you're having fun. And I have an exciting evening in with my parents watching a crime drama.”

“I...”

“I'm glad you're having fun! Don't get me wrong.” He sighed, and said apologetically, “I think I probably _am_ a bit jealous.”

“Listen. If I could be anywhere, it would be there with you.” He leant forward, his voice a little huskier. “In that bed. Holding you, and kissing you. You've got nothing to worry about on that score.”

He sniggered, saying, “If it wasn't for the face paint, that would be seriously hot.” He smiled. “It's not that type of jealousy anyway, really. I'm jealous they get to have a laugh with you.”

“I love you, honey. I'll be home soon.”

Chikara blinked through the screen and nodded, before hanging up.

–

Yuuji was still worrying about Chikara when Ruth knocked on his door, wearing a black playsuit over leopard print tights, matching furry ears sticking from her hair.

“At least they hold back my fringe,” she said adjusting them, and then turning to show Yuuji the tail pinned onto her bottom.

“You look great! The others ready?”

Ruth nodded. “Yep. Sonia looks _amazing_ , Natalie's so good at make-up. Think she worked in schools or something before here.”

Yuuji locked his door behind him, and Ruth led them both across the corridor to fetch Natalie and Sonia, who he had still to meet; they were waiting in the foyer of the building, Natalie in the Pikachu onesie, complete with yellow face, and Sonia in a floor length black velvet dress. Ruth had been right, Natalie was definitely a talented artist. Instead of the usual green face he'd expected, Sonia's eyes were outlined in intricate black and silver spiderwebs, lids smudged with purple, with lips like scarlet velvet.

“You must be Sonia. It's good to finally meet you,” Yuuji said, putting out a hand.

Sonia stretched out her hand limply, sliding it into his, and he noticed her fingernails were enormous pointed false ones. “Pleasure.” She crossed one leg over the other, showing a pair of laced ankle boots, then peered behind him, saying haughtily, “Ah, and my familiar's hiding behind you, I see. Ruthie, come hither.”

Yuuji leaned and whispered to Natalie, “Is she always like this?”

Natalie laughed. “Nah. It's how she thinks a witch talks, I imagine.”

“I'm not sure Ruth cares either way,” he said, still whispering, watching Ruth having her head scratched by Sonia.

“Come on you two. You pushing yourself or want me to?” Natalie asked Sonia.

Ruth jumped behind Sonia, grabbing the handles. “I'll do it! I'm her familiar,” she called behind her as she walked off quickly before anyone could object.

Natalie and Yuuji looked at each other, before she said, “Yeah. I know.”

“Does Sonia?” he asked, as they followed behind the other two.

“No idea. Though if you realised, it's probably obvious.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. She just reminded me of myself. Doing whatever you can to get close to someone.” He smiled at her sideways. “With me, it was giving him food.”

“Ah, I see. Way to a man's heart and all that.”

He chuckled and looked at Sonia and Ruth again, smiling. “Something like that.”

It took a matter of minutes to get to Kevin's flat, but by the time they went through the door, Sonia was already settled near a wall, with Ruth crouching next to her. The kitchen was twice the size of Yuuji's flat, but there were so many people in it, there was hardly space for them. Four people, besides Sonia, sat in wheelchairs, one with glasses and a cap on. He waved at Natalie, and she went over, dragging Yuuji with her.

“Hey, Kevin! This is Yuuji.”

Yuuji shook Kevin's hand. “Thanks for having us over.” He thrust a pack of cider at Kevin, which was taken by a girl standing by his shoulder and placed on the table with a lot of other cans and bottles.

“Nice to meet you. I probably won't remember your name, though. Been here too long. Too many people coming and going.”

“Oh, dude, I am terrible with names, don't worry.”

“Help yourself to anything,” he said, as he went to greet someone else trying to get into the kitchen.

It was overwhelming in the flat, the bodies making it too warm, the alcohol he was given by Ruth turning it stifling. He began to wish he hadn't put the shorts on over his tights, as his bum wasn't used to the tight fabric layers and was sweating profusely.

He met approximately eight million people, who were all nice enough. He particularly liked someone called Jason, who had long hair tied in a messy knot at his nape and a huge toothy grin. They talked for a while, as Yuuji recognised the film reference on Jason's t-shirt and commented on it, which led to more enthusiasm than any one person should have towards a stranger. After a while, Jason said he had to go and help someone, and Yuuji wasn't surprised to learn he was a carer for one of the other disabled students.

He also spent a lot of time talking to Ruth and Sonia, who wasn't like her 'witch persona' in the slightest. She was down to earth, with a filthy laugh which reverberated from her throat in a manner more like a machine gun than a human voice.

Eventually someone turned the background music up a notch and the lights went off, leaving pockets of people in the kitchen shouting at each other, while others went to stand in the corridor to carry on talking properly. Yuuji lost track of the girls, and Jason found him again, asking him if he smoked. Although he told him he didn't, he went outside with him anyway, to escape the warm air and the loud music.

The quad was dark, lit only by the street-lamps dotted between benches. The two of them sat on one, Jason choosing to sit on the backrest with his feet on the seat.

“If I'm higher, the smoke misses you,” he said, as some kind of explanation.

“Not sure it works like that,” Yuuji said, smiling.

“Pretty sure it does.” He was still grinning. “I mean, I'm no expert, but that smoke is definitely floating over your head instead of into your face.”

“Well, if I end up smelling like smoke, I will never forgive you.”

Jason sucked through his teeth. “Ooh, harsh. Why did you even come outside if you don't smoke?”

“Bit warm in there. Plus, thought we could talk more about films.”

“I'm that fascinating, huh?” He winked. “We should go and see a film some time. If you're free one weekend?”

Yuuji tilted his head to the side. “Maybe. I'm not around every weekend.”

“Okay. Well, sometime when I'm off work?” He took a drag, looking at Yuuji through narrowed eyes, before letting the smoke out through the side of his mouth. “I mean...like a date, by the way. In case I haven't been obvious enough.”

“Oh.” Yuuji looked at his lap, suddenly embarrassed. He wasn't sure if Jason had been obvious or not, but he hadn't noticed anything. “I've got a boyfriend back home. Sorry.” He looked up to see Jason frowning a little.

“Serious? No fooling around on the side?”

“Well, no, but...we can still go to the cinema if you want.”

“Shame.” He stood up. “Just my luck you're not single, you're just my type.” He stubbed his cigarette out in a nearby bin. “Might as well leave it then.”

Yuuji snorted through his nose. “We can't be friends if I'm not single?”

Jason's grin had faded by now. “Be a bit of a waste of time, wouldn't it?” He walked off without saying another word.

Yuuji flicked the bird at his back, and stayed on the bench, muttering to himself. “All the men in Lancaster are the fucking worst,” he decided, before adding, “All men _everywhere_.”

He checked his phone, wondering if it would be an acceptable time to go home. He'd been excited to meet someone with similar hobbies, only to be disappointed, again, and he had no idea where the girls had gone. Maybe he could slip away and call Chikara, although ten seemed a bit early to leave the party.

In the end, he decided to go back for a bit longer, even if it was only to prove to Jason it was possible to be friends with people without shagging them. He finally found Natalie back in the kitchen, only to be further annoyed by her companions; his flatmates.

She waved him over, and he reluctantly joined them. John and Mike ignored him, as always, but Steve smiled and nodded.

“Hey, where did you go?” Natalie asked, passing him a bottle of beer.

“Outside.”

“Yeah, we saw you chatting up Jason on our way in,” John said, looking down his nose at him.

“I wasn't chatting him up. I was... _being_ chatted up, if I'm totally honest.” He spoke towards Natalie, despite her not saying anything.

“Jason's not gay, is he?” John said, looking to Mike and Steve.

“I don't know,” Steve said, as Mike shook his head.

“If he isn't, he's doing a good impression of it,” Yuuji said, still avoiding looking at them.

“What'd you say?” Natalie asked.

“No, of course!”

“Yeah,” John said, “Didn't you know? He's fucking someone already.”

“You don't have to say it like that,” Natalie said with a frown, then turned to Yuuji. “I did think you weren't single, but I hadn't heard it from you. I don't like to trust rumours.”

“You didn't know?” John scoffed. “Surprised he hasn't told you. He's told everyone else.”

“That's not fair, John,” Steve interrupted. “He only told us and then we saw the photos when we...were in his room.” He flushed, and made an apologetic face at Yuuji.

“You told Ruth though, didn't you?” Yuuji asked Steve. He wasn't about to let him get away with his part in the bullying with a few smiles and a bit of blushing. “She knew I had a boyfriend before I even met her.”

“Yeah. Sorry 'bout that,” Steve said, going redder.

Mike still hadn't spoken – in fact, Yuuji realised he'd never actually heard him speak since he'd met him – but he was laughing and standing close to John. It wasn't obvious whether he agreed with everything he was saying, unlike Steve, whose discomfort was palpable, fidgeting when John spoke again.

“We didn't tell anyone about your boyfriend being a cripple, though.”

The music was still too loud for anyone not in their group to hear, otherwise Yuuji was sure he wouldn't be the only person outraged. “What the fuck did you just say?” he snarled.

John, with no idea of any impending danger, leant forward and spoke slightly louder. “I said, we didn't tell anyone about him being a crip-”

Before he could finish the word, Yuuji's fist had connected with the side of his face.

 


	6. Chapter 6

It took five minutes after Chikara's alarm went off for him to realise he hadn't heard from Yuuji after the party. Immediately he reached for his pipe, sucking on it to call Yuuji's mobile, but after it went straight to answerphone, he hung up in a panic and paged his mum.

“Everything okay?” Toshi said coming into his room.

“Can you ring Tamiko for me? Can't get through to Yuuji.”

“It's seven in the morning. He's probably asleep.” She seemed irritated, which only annoyed Chikara all the more. “I'm sure he'll call you later.”

“But he said he was going to call me last night.”

She sighed, saying as she started walking out of his door, “It's not the first time he hasn't called when he said he would, is it?”

“But Mum! His phone's off,” he pleaded with her, before frowning at her when she turned back and crossed her arms. “Look, this is so unfair, if I could do it myself, I would do. You can't deny me something just 'cause you don't agree.”

Again, she sighed, this time softening. “Okay, calm down, let me go find her number.”

Within five minutes she came back with her own mobile, searching through it to find the number for the Terushimas she'd programmed in. “Here, quicker to use mine. I'll put it on speakerphone.” She dialled the number and balanced her phone on his pillow as it rang.

It only rang a couple of times before Hiro answered. “Hello?”

“Oh, hello Mr Terushima. I tried to call Yuuji and can't get an answer. Have you heard from him today?”

“Ah. Yes. I was going to call you at eight. That's when he asked me to.”

Chikara's throat filled with bile, which he choked back so he could say, “Is he okay?”

“His phone's broken, and he doesn't have your number written down so he couldn't use another one. He's fine, don't worry.”

“Oh!” Chikara let out a deep breath he didn't realise he was holding. “That's reassuring! Thank you. Can you say hi when you speak to him?”

“I will, yes.”

It was a good job Chikara was used to Yuuji's dad, otherwise he might have been more freaked out by the dispassionate way he spoke. “Thank you, Takehiro.” He nodded to his mother, who hung up the call.

“Phew! That's a relief. Thanks, Mum.” He looked up at her face, still creased in a grimace. “What?”

“Hmm? Oh, nothing.”

“Spit it out, come on.”

“Well. I'm surprised he doesn't have your number written down, I guess. And yet he can ring his mum and dad?”

Chikara tutted. “That's really reaching. Everyone knows their home number.”

“But...why did he ring them anyway? Why did he ask them to ring _you_? Something doesn't add up.”

“Are you _trying_ to cause trouble?” Chikara raised his voice. “I trust him. I believe him.”

“Seems like it's always you chasing after him, that's all.”

“Ha!” Chikara spat out, “Like you'd know! Of course it's me ringing him all the time, he has to work around when I can speak to him. For your information, he used to try ringing me, but we decided – ya know, between the two of us- that I'd ring him when it was okay for me to talk.” He muttered to himself, before saying, “Anyway, is Jada here? I need to get up for school.”

“I'm sor-” she began, but he interrupted.

“Please, I just want to go to school.”

He spent the ten minutes before Jada arrived with the same four thoughts shuffling around his head on repeat; he wondered if his mother might be right about something not adding up, reassured himself everything was fine, worried about Yuuji being hurt, and imagined him cheating on him with someone else, more or less in equal measures.

While Jada got him dressed and out of bed, he continued to think. If she noticed he was quiet, she didn't say anything. Jada was one of his more professional carers. She would have called Yuuji's parents without asking any questions, he thought to himself.

He was still quiet throughout breakfast, chewing his cereal and avoiding his mother when she came in to say goodbye before going to work.

It was only when they were in the van and she was strapping herself into the driver's seat that Jada spoke to him, looking in the rearview mirror. “Anything wrong?”

He shook his head. “I'm fine. Why?”

“No reason.”

The silence resumed for the rest of the drive.

–

There were many times Chikara got frustrated throughout the school day. Well, any day, really, but being away from his home, where he'd made things easier for himself, was particularly hard.

He tried to keep it to himself, because mostly he believed that he was lucky to still be alive, and minor inconveniences, like not being able to type his essays, use a toilet, or text his boyfriend, seemed childish when compared to the alternatives.

Mostly.

Some days he allowed himself to indulge in his bad mood, providing he at least tried to rid himself of it first, which he  _had_ . It wasn't his fault it hadn't worked. It was hard to rid yourself of a bad mood that wasn't anything you could change and you were sick of arguing about.

Generally, he believed his parents were accepting of Yuuji. They let him stay over way more often than he'd thought they would, cooked extra food for him, and turned a blind eye to the bite marks on his skin. But then, when he really permitted himself to examine them, there were always caveats to their acceptance.

Yes, they allowed Yuuji to stay over. But it was his house anyway; he was legally an adult and owned it outright, while their house sat unoccupied thirty miles away waiting for a new tenant.

Yes, they cooked extra food for him. But his appetite wasn't what it once was, and his mother still hadn't got the hang of cooking less. Before Yuuji stayed with them, leftover food went into the freezer in portions, where a lot of it still sat. Plus, Chikara paid half the food bills anyway, since he provided food for his carers.

Yes, they turned a blind eye to the bite marks, and gave him space when he asked for it knowing full well he was going to be having sex with Yuuji. But at nineteen, it wasn't their business anyway. The only reason he had to ask them to give him space in the first place was due to them living in his house and him not being able to sleep over at Yuuji's.

So, yes, they seemed accepting on the surface, if you didn't know all the facts, and most of the time Chikara was happy enough with his relationship with them. It could have easily become strained, with him feeling like a burden on them for needing so much help, or them feeling tied down by him, but on the whole it worked.

Then on days like this one, when he was forced to ask them to do things they didn't agree with, the delicate balance came crashing down around him. That's when he would be forced to realise he'd always be their son first and foremost, even if they were meant to be doing things he couldn't do himself.

He paid carers to be his arms and legs. It was part of the agreement for them to do what he asked without question. As long as it wasn't illegal and wouldn't cause him harm, of course. He expected no questions about why he wanted certain things, judgement wasn't part of the job.

He hired carers through an agency who specialised in spinal injuries to get him up, take him to school, and bring him home again, but in the evenings, his parents fulfilled all his needs. They got him up, cooked the dinner, and then put him back in bed again, on every evening that Yuuji was away at least.

All of his friends had either moved out of their parents' homes, or were still living there, paying rent and trying to move away. Even Tanaka, the least domesticated of his friends, had a room in Saeko's house and came and went as he pleased.

Asking for help to use the telephone shouldn't feel like asking permission to use it, not when he was nineteen and paid the damn phone bill.

By the end of the school day, Chikara had made a decision.

–

Keiji's face filled the screen as he leaned in to adjust the brightness.

“Mate, back away,” Chikara said, wincing away from his looming nose.

Keiji continued to peer into the camera, going cross-eyed as he looked down his nose. “Can you see me? I can't see you.”

“Yeah I can see every pore on your face! Sit down, for God's sake.”

He did so and Chikara could see him cross-legged on the bed and peering into the screen. “I can't see you. I can see myself in the top corner, but you're...is that your ceiling?”

“A bit of it, and the wall. I'm in bed. Needed to talk to you.” He lifted his head as high as he could. “Can you see me now?”

“Some of your hair. I can hear you anyway, don't strain.” He sipped from a large cup, cradling it in his palms. “What's up?”

He took a deep breath. Keiji not being able to see him might help. “I'm really struggling with Yuuji being away. My parents are driving me mad as well.”

“What're they doing?”

“Mum tried to prevent me from ringing him. He said he'd ring after a night out, but he didn't. His phone was off, I panicked. But she got all judgey about me being the one who always rings him.”

“When did you last speak to him?”

“Sunday night before he went out.”

“So...yesterday? And you're worried?” He looked over his cup at Chikara. “I'm kind of in agreement with your mother, I hate to admit.”

“It's not the length of time, it's that he said he'd ring and he didn't. She got all, 'he's done it before',” he said in a high pitched impersonation of his mum.

“That is uncanny,” Keiji deadpanned, “But she's right. Maybe you're overreacting?”

He paused, as Keiji drank his tea, patiently waiting for Chikara to speak. “Maybe,”he said, quietly.

“Do you think, possibly, that you're having...separation anxiety?

Chikara was glad Keiji couldn't see him rolling his eyes. They'd had more than one discussion whee Keiji had attempted to diagnose him with something he'd learnt in a lecture. “Let me guess. You studied this, right?”

Keiji was already looking at his phone, glasses perched on his nose, presumably searching for the term. He looked up, sharply, saying, “Well, yes, but I actually think this is relevant. I'm a second year now, I've got over that 'diagnose all my friends with everything' part of studying Psychology.” He pointed to his phone screen as he spoke. “See, says here, ' Separation anxiety disorder is a mental health condition that involves intense and excessive  anxiety and fear of being  separated from a loved one.'” He looked up at Chikara over his glasses. “Sounds like you.”

“Well, anyone would miss their boyfriend!”

“Maybe. I mean, I missed Kou, of course. But this seems kinda, I dunno. Extreme?”

Chikara tutted and mumbled. Keiji either heard him and ignored it, or didn't hear him properly and decided not to ask him to repeat himself.

“It's normal to miss him. But you don't have to speak to him every day.”

“You text Kou every day?”

“Well, yeah, but...”

“I can't text him. I could email him, but that means starting up the computer. All I can do, without asking anyone, is speak to him. So that's what I do. I ring him every day using the pipe.” He sighed. “I really don't think it's 'extreme' as you say. It's necessity.”

Keiji took his glasses off, tapping the arm of them on his chin. “I didn't think of that. Apologies.”

“S'alright,” Chikara mumbled again.

“Okay, I take your point.” He paused, still bumping his glasses on his chin. “Maybe you need to talk to your parents about that, then, instead of getting annoyed.”

“I shouldn't _have_ to, though, that's my point!” Chikara snapped, again. He'd been doing a lot of snapping recently, so much he almost didn't recognise himself. Where was his easy-going, calm tone these days?

“Maybe they need reminding.” He rolled his shoulders, putting his glasses down and leaning forward on his knees. “I mean, I'd forgotten that little detail. It's good to remind people of your limitations. We forget about Kou until he has a meltdown, don't we? And then we all think, 'Oh yes, of course,' and rally around him. Perhaps your parents need your equivalent of Kou's emo mode.” He looked up at him. “What _is_ that, anyway? I'm not sure I've ever seen it.”

“I get irritable. And sarcastic.”

“Oh, I've seen that,” he said, huffing a small laugh and pulling at his sock. “Talk to your parents, I think that's the answer. Give them a chance.”

“And if it doesn't work?”

“It will. You're persuasive in that mood.” He grinned at Chikara, and he knew exactly the occasion Keiji was thinking of. Luckily, he couldn't see the blush spreading across Chikara's cheeks. “I never realised that's what it was, but it makes sense now.”

“I don't have _that_ to fall back on, though,” Chikara muttered.

Keiji threw his head back and laughed, the obnoxious honk hardly anyone ever heard. “Good luck, Chika.”

Chikara's face became so red with the memory he was relieved when Keiji hung up the call.

–

Now he knew what he had planned, all that was left was to arrange thoughts and words in his head for when he talked to his parents. There were two hours until one of them would come and get him up, and he wanted to be prepared.

He could hear distant murmurings from beyond the open doors connecting his room with the rest of the house, and he could have sworn the doorbell. Not that that was unusual, as such, but when it went again, he became more curious.

At six thirty, there came a knock, and he was surprised to see Kanoka. “Wasn't expecting you! Everything alright?”

Her usual wide grin was missing, and the rush of affection for her, and need to comfort her but not being able to, frustrated him again.

“I'm fine. Your parents asked me to give you a hand tonight.”

“Oh.” All his plans were going to come to naught if they were going out unexpectedly. He cursed himself for not asking them for a chat while he had the chance. Maybe he could fit it in before they went out. “What time are they going?”

“Who?” she said, distracted by beginning the routine of getting him in his wheelchair.

“Mum and Dad. What time are they going out?”

She sucked through her teeth. “Look, it's none of my business, so I'm not saying any more. But they're not going out. That's...not what this is.”

“What's going on, Nooka?” He slipped in her childhood nickname to try and soften her up, but it didn't work.

“Look,” she said, uncharacteristically sharply, “This is really fucking weird. Let's just get you out of bed, and you can deal with it. Okay?”

He nodded silently, trying to keep his panic in check. “Just...is everyone alive? Tell me that at least.”

“It's nothing like that.” She finally smiled, although it was full of some new emotion. Chikara tried to pinpoint it, but all he kept coming back to was 'pity'; she'd never pitied him before, his panic started to spiral.

He respected her nonetheless, staying quiet as he got into his wheelchair, speaking only to mention things she'd neglected. He couldn't blame her, this seemed as stressful for her, whatever it was.

“Ready?” she said, as she took his brakes off.

“Nope. But let's go anyway.”

She pushed him into the living room, where he found his parents sitting on one side of the large dining table. His mother had her hands clasped in front of her, his father his arms crossed.

The backs of three people occupied the other side of the table; a woman with short grey hair to the right, a man in a dark brown suit to the left, and in the middle, hunched over and wearing an orange t-shirt, was a blonde teenager he knew only too well.

  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said there would be consequences...


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Content warning - the same slur from the last chapter is used again, in the retelling of the same events.

Yuuji couldn't look up. He knew if he did, he would see only disappointment in their eyes. He could take that from Toshi and Jin, he was used to it from them, but not from Chikara.

“What's going on?” His voice was so bewildered, so lost, it was a dagger in Yuuji's stomach.

“Yuuji?” his mother said. He shook his head, looking down at the nylon poking out from his shorts. He still had tights on, this was even more mortifying than it ought to be. “Well, since my son seems to have lost the power of speech, I'd better explain.”

He listened as his mother recounted what she'd been told; Yuuji hit one of his flatmates, who wanted to press charges, but had been talked out of it that morning at a nine o'clock meeting with their head lecturers.

“He hit you back.” Chikara said, before pausing. “Why are you all staring at me like that? He clearly did. He has a black eye.”

“That has nothing to do with it,” Jin said quietly. “Yuuji hit him first.”

There was a sniff from Toshi's direction. Shit.

“Yuuji?” The dagger twisted again. “Look at me, honey.”

He couldn't bear to, even though the voice was soothing, non-judgemental. He twisted his hands in his lap and started sniffing himself.

Chikara spoke again, more stiffly. “Can someone tell me why he did it, then?”

His mother spoke, he assumed the question had been directed at her. He hadn't heard his father speak since he'd got back from Lancaster, hadn't even looked at him, he couldn't bear to see that impassive expression.

Her hand settled on his shoulder. The lecturers hadn't cared about the reasons, only that there'd been a fight. He'd explained it to her in the car on the way back. She'd been understanding through the disappointment, with the usual, 'I didn't bring you up that way,' thrown in for good measure.

“This boy, John, has been trouble for Yuuji since he arrived.”

“It was _John_! That bastard!” Chikara shouted over her.

“Chikara, please.” Toshi was definitely crying now, he could hear it in the tremble of her voice.

Tamiko carried on. “His flatmates have been...less than kind. They've made fun of him for eating vegetables, telling people he's gay, that kind of thing.”

“I don't care who knows that,” Yuuji mumbled into his chest.

“No, I know, but it's not up to them to tell people, is it?” she said softly, leaning into him. She sat upright, speaking more loudly again. “It's stupid teenage boy stuff. I had a word with them, but...well, I think I made it worse.” She squeezed his shoulder.

“Maybe,” he admitted.

“Anyway, last night there was a party. This John called Chikara...something not very nice, and Yuuji hit him. Yes, John hit him back, but because Yuuji acted first, and there's a lot of witnesses...he was quite right to report him.” The last sentence was strained as she tried not to cry as well.

“What'd he say, Yuuji?” He almost snapped up his head upon hearing Chikara's tone. He'd been avoiding looking at Chikara, in case he was also crying, he didn't think he could take that. The voice was steady, cold, no tremble.

Taking a chance, he looked up; Chikara was staring, eyes boring into him although wet around their edges. His mouth was pulled tight, brow furrowed. He definitely wasn't crying; he was furious.

“Yuuji. What did he say?” he said again.

“He called you...a cripple.” His breath hitched mid-sentence, with an unexpected flood of emotion. He hadn't expected Chikara to be angry, only disappointed in him.

There was a small intake of breath from Toshi, who clutched at her husband's shoulder. Jin placed his hand over hers, same expression as Chikara.

After a pause, Chikara tutted. “Are you sure he was insulting me? Not everyone uses that as a slur, some people just think it's the right word.”

“No, I'm not having that!” He'd finally found his voice, but it was incredulous. “He definitely meant it as an insult. I know the difference.”

“You still can't go around hitting everyone who says it.” There was a softness there, despite the words.

Yuuji looked up and the cheeky smile he loved was struggling through the pain. “I was trying to defend your honour,” he said, hiding a small grin.

Chikara also stifled a snort, turning it into a cough, leaving his father to answer.

“Oi, you two, this isn't funny.” He turned on Yuuji. “I can understand why you did it, don't get me wrong. But didn't you think for a minute about the consequences?”

“It's not his strong point,” Hiro added from his left side. Yuuji looked at him, and was surprised to see another small smile.

“Look. I'm not proud of myself. I had a couple of drinks, and I'd already had a run in with someone, and...”

“Hang on,” Tamiko said, “You didn't tell me that. What happened?”

“Urm...okay, but...I got propositioned by someone and turned them down. And he was a dick. It riled me up.”

Tamiko sighed. “Honey bee, I...hmm.”

Chikara was raising an eyebrow at him. “Why was he a dick?”

“That's not the important thing!” Jin said.

“I'm curious! Maybe it's relevant?”

“He asked me to go to the cinema, as a date. I said I was seeing someone, but we could go as friends. He said there was no point and walked off.”

This time Chikara couldn't stifle his laugh. His parents frowned at him. “Sorry, but you have to admit that's typical male bullshit.”

“As I say, I'm not proud. But everyone in that quad is a dick. I want to move.” He dropped his voice, but they all heard him. “If I even stay at university.”

It was Chikara's turn to frown. “What about Ruth? Sonia? Natalie? They're in your quad aren't they?”

“All the _men_ in my quad are dicks.”

“Men _everywhere_ are dicks,” Chikara said with a head tilt. “Don't give up. You've met a good bunch of girls. I mean, look at your costume, they helped you with that, right?”

Yuuji had almost forgotten what he was wearing wasn't his clothing. The make-up on his face and hair had been washed off before the meeting, but there hadn't been any time to change. Well, there had, but he hadn't been permitted any of it for something his mother deemed unnecessary.

“I already arranged with the university that you could stay on, but they've also agreed they'll look into you moving flats. It won't be immediate though,” Tamiko said. “You have to stay in that flat if you're going back to study.” She squeezed his shoulder again, staring into his eyes. He hadn't mentioned his possibly not wanting to go back at all, and she was obviously shaken by it. “Please think carefully about how serious you are about leaving. Don't make a snap decision.”

“Yeah, remember what you said before?” Chikara said, raising both eyebrows and nodding. Yuuji did remember of course; he was doing this for the both of them.

He nodded and smiled.

“I sincerely hope he'll be receiving punishment?” Jin said towards Yuuji's father.

“The university have given him community service,” Hiro replied.

“And yourselves?”

“We considered that, and as he's an adult, the issue is between himself and the university, so that punishment is sufficient.”

“Really?” Toshi said, surprised. She turned to Tamiko. “Is that okay with you?”

Tamiko nodded. “He's nineteen. He knows we're not impressed, we don't need to punish him. I...understand the motive, even if I don't condone the action.” Her eyes hardened as she looked at Toshi. “That's the end of it as far as I'm concerned. As I said to you on the phone, I don't think this situation required us meeting like this. They're not errant children.”

“What?” Chikara said, also staring at his mum. “You called a meeting? What's this got to do with you?”

“Chikara, that is your mother,” Jin snapped at him, “Don't talk to her that way!”

“Oh, I see! It's okay when you defend Mum, but if Yuuji defends me, it's a 'situation'. I mean, yeah, he shouldn't be hitting people, but what the hell has any of this got to do with you two, anyway?” He shook his head. “See, this is why I wanted to talk to you both. I'm nearly twenty years old! You don't need to have meetings with my boyfriend's parents about us!”

“If I may,” Hiro said quietly, “The way I see things is this; you will, eventually, be under Yuuji's entire care, so to speak. If he goes around hitting people and gets seriously hurt, then that is a concern of his parents. So it's not up to them to punish him, no,” he continued, putting a hand lightly on Tamiko's arm, “But they need to know he can control his anger for the future when he cannot afford to let his emotions get the better of him, as that will in turn affect their son.” He looked up at Jin. “Am I somewhere close?”

Yuuji, and the rest of the table, sat motionless, looking at Hiro.

“That's...yes. Pretty much,” Jin conceded.

“I can control myself, I promise.” Yuuji had been watching his fingers twist in his lap again, but now he looked up at Jin and Toshi, steely and sincere. “I love your son. I can't bear to hear those things, but I'll control my actions in future. I know I fu - messed things up, and I promise to stop doing that. But everything I do is for him. All the stupid mistakes are because...him. That's it, just him.” He trailed off, losing his thread in the ramble. “I really love him.”

“I love you, too,” Chikara choked out.

“For goodness...if I could give my opinion?” Although Jin's expression had softened with the understanding between the fathers, Toshi still seemed almost as angry as when they'd arrived. “My issue, and the reason for this meeting between us, is that I think there's something unhealthy here, and I can't sit back and watch it carry on.”

“Mum!”

“Steady on,” Tamiko said, clutching Yuuji's hand. 

“Let me finish! My son...he's not himself and I have no choice but to blame this relationship, I'm afraid. Since they've been together he's been more upset. He's been snapping at everyone, although mostly me, and...”

“For fuck's sake!” Chikara shouted through her words. “You couldn't be more wrong if you tried!”

“Don't swear...”

“No! Stop right now. This! This here is the problem.” He spoke purposefully and clearly. “I. Am. Nineteen. Years. Old. I'm not a child! Stop treating me like one.”

“While you're at school and under my r-”

“Sorry, were you going to say under _your_ roof?” He exhaled a laugh. “Ha! Do you really want to go down that path? 'Cause doesn't that path lead back to your old house in Milton Keynes?”

Toshi blanched. “That's...what an awful thing to say. After all we've...”

“Okay, I'm sorry, you're right. That's uncalled for.” Chikara nodded towards Yuuji's parents. “Especially as those two have no idea what I'm on about.”

Yuuji shrugged. “I never told them.”

“I think it's time for me to talk about what _I_ want to say.” Chikara took a deep breath. “I did a lot of thinking all day. Not about Yuuji, but everything else. Yuuji is the one thing I'm sure about in my life. But...” He turned to his mum. “You really upset me this morning.”

“Me? What did I...?”

“If I ask you to do something, I'd really like you to do it, no questions. No asking me, 'Are you sure?' or telling me I shouldn't be doing it. I don't enjoy asking for help, you know, please don't make it worse.” He looked down, his voice lowering. “That's not to say I don't want you to be my parents or give me advice, but...if you could wait until I ask, at least. When I'm asking you to do physical things for me, please just do them.”

Toshi sniffed again. “I never thought of that before.”

“I appreciate all your help, I really do! I especially appreciate how welcoming you are to Yuuji. I couldn't have...I wouldn't be...” Chikara's tears were streaming uninterrupted by now, making it hard for him to continue. “You'll always be my parents, but you caring for me as well...the lines are all blurred. I didn't want to compare you to Yuuji, because it seemed unfair. But then Keiji said something that helped.”

“Keiji?” Yuuji asked, face also covered in tears. “When did you speak to Keiji?”

“This afternoon.” He turned to Toshi. “I've been thinking all day about asking you to move out.”

“What?” Jin's voice rose, angrily.

“Wait,” Chikara said to him, before turning back to his mother. “He made me realise that wasn't the solution though. He told me I need to tell you things that seem obvious to me. So I am.” He took a deep breath. “I need you in my life, I don't want you to move out. Not yet. I'm not ready. But I need you to be carers _or_ parents depending on the situation.” He nodded at Yuuji. “See, he does it without trying. If he's putting me to bed or doing medical stuff, he's not my boyfriend any more. He switches it off. I'd like you to try and switch off the parenting thing sometimes.”

Toshi nodded, unable to speak through her tears. Everyone around the table was crying, except the fathers who were comforting their wives. Yuuji desperately wanted to comfort Chikara, but the table was too wide to reach him and he was sure getting up and hugging him wouldn't make the situation any easier.

“I decided, in return, that we should make more effort, and get better at being apart.”He turned to Yuuji. “I hope you don't mind me making decisions for you, too.”

Yuuji shook his head. “No, I totally agree. You're right. I'm going to put my all into being friends with the girls in my flat.”

“I've already arranged to see Tanaka at the weekend. I'm going to try harder.” He turned back to his mum and dad. “So if you could also try, I think we can get over this together.”

Jin clenched Chikara's shoulder. “I'm really proud of you for admitting your own problems as well as ours and working on a solution. I think with your accident and everything I'd forgotten how mature you are.

“I think that's understandable,” Hiro said, “Any parent would regress to an earlier state.”

“Sorry?” Toshi said.

“He means because Chikara needs everything again. Like when he was a baby,” Tamiko said, reaching across for Toshi's hand. “Feeding and washing...there's no wonder you forget he's actually an adult.”

Toshi nodded and sniffed. “And this has been frustrating?” she asked Chikara.

“Yeah.” Seeing his mum frowning, he quickly said, “I get it, I always have. But I think Yuuji going away made it more obvious.” He laughed. “Keiji was right, I think.”

“What do you mean?” Yuuji asked.

“He said I had separation anxiety. From being away from you. I thought he meant 'cause you're my boyfriend. But I think he meant this.” He turned to his parents. “Don't take this the wrong way. I've been separated from him, and he's the only one who understands this thing...the two roles. Does that make sense?”

“I think so,” Jin said.

Toshi nodded. “I'm sorry about this morning.”

“And I'm sorry I've been snappy with you. You don't deserve it. Most of the time.” Chikara smiled at her, and this time she finally smiled back.

The table was cloaked in silence, everyone lost in their own thoughts, contemplating the actions they'd agreed to undertake, and the only movement the motion of hands smoothing back and forth across someone else's.

Yuuji looked at Chikara, his heavy-lidded eyes staring into the middle distance, somewhere over towards the kitchen. Yuuji had known for a long time he was in love with him, but somehow that love had grown in the last ten minutes. Not having thought it was possible unless it was happening to him, he felt himself filling up, just from looking at Chikara, concentrating on something; he was hoping Chikara was thinking about him, if he was honest, about how much he loved Yuuji as well.

“Wow,” Chikara said, blinking and looking up, as if he'd just awoken. “This is pretty heavy stuff. What about, as a start to this new era, I treat us all to a takeaway? I don't know about anyone else, but I'm starving.”

–

The rest of the evening was awkward, everyone walking on eggshells to keep the atmosphere friendly, even if it couldn't be jovial. Yuuji stayed away from Chikara, letting other people sit next to him to show they could be independent. Kanoka fed him the takeaway inbetween her sessions of revision in the spare room, laughing when she finally noticed Yuuji's orange tights.

At ten thirty, Tamiko nudged Hiro, who nodded, and then turned to Yuuji. “Home time. You've got an early start tomorrow. Long trip back to Lancaster.”

“I'm coming home with you then, yeah?” He looked hopefully at her, hoping she'd relent and let him stay.

She shook her head. “Don't push it.”

He shrugged, said, “Worth a try,” then stood up and started to put on his coat.

“I understand him not staying,” Chikara said softly to his mother, “But are you really saying we can't have five minutes alone? Is that really too much?”

“I don't mind...” Yuuji started.

“But we all agreed he's not being punished, and what things we're both going to do differently. Please, let us go and have a quick chat before he leaves again?”

Something in his tone or expression must have worked, as Toshi yielded, saying, “Go on then.”

Yuuji pushed Chikara to his room, saying to his mum over his shoulder, “Five minutes.”

The first thing he did was put his arms around Chikara, kissed him, and said, “I really missed you.”

“I missed you, too, but Yuuji, you _have_ to be careful.” He kissed the bruising around Yuuji's eye. “What if he'd hurt you worse? Please, don't do this again. Apart from anything else, I can't convince them twice, I don't think.”

“I know. I feel really bad about it, I know it was wrong and...I think I've been drinking a bit too much recently 'cause I feel so uncomfortable and miss you so much. I'm gonna sort that out too. I didn't want to say that in front of your parents, don't want to give them more reasons to hate me.”

“They don't hate you, I keep telling you.”

“They're not huge fans, though, are they?” Chikara tried to speak, but he carried on. “No, I mean...it's my fault, not theirs. I turn up in orange tights with a black eye after nearly being arrested, of course they think I'm a loser.”

“Even, if they did,” Chikara said, reaching up and kissing him, “Which they don't, but even if they did, you're not a loser, and I wouldn't let them call you that. These situations we keep getting in...they're unusual, how does anyone really know how to deal with them?”

He smiled and kissed him back. “Probably not violence.”

“Almost certainly not. But if you're fed up with someone, or with _everything_ , and you've had a drink – well you're not thinking clearly. C'mere.”

Yuuji got as close as he could to Chikara, squeezed him as tight as he could without hurting him, and kissed him as deeply as humanly possible.

–

It was an awful journey back to Lancaster. His mother, quite rightly, refused to drive another ten hour trip to take him back, so he booked a last minute train ticket. It was stupidly expensive, more expensive than the return tickets he booked in advance, and meant he had no money in his budget for a weekend visit for a while.

He spent five hours catching up on reading by finding electronic editions of some books he'd been meaning to read, checking his email to make sure he wasn't missing anything important in lectures, and then the final hour he rested his eyes and thought about how he was going to make things better.

He was nervous when he got back to the flat, but bolstered with confidence from the meeting the night before. He was doing this for their future, and he would prove to Chikara's parents that he was worthy of their son's love.

Taking a deep breath, he opened the door.

He wasn't sure what he'd expected to find, but it wasn't a pile of boxes in the hallway, and it definitely wasn't a tall stranger with curly hair coming out of John's room smiling at him.

“Hi! You must be Yuuji. I'm Simon, the new tenant.”

  
  


 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning - sex scene near the end, stop reading at 'Yuuji climbed..'
> 
> There's also discussion about the previous incident, but no more slurs. One of the characters is just a bit clueless on LGBT issues, but Yuuji deals with it

Yuuji thought he was dreaming while sitting on the train, or possibly hallucinating. He said hello to the intruder, in case he wasn't an illusion, and walked into his room. He was still finding some fresh clothes to change into – his wardrobe at home didn't have much selection – when someone knocked on his bedroom door.

Steve was waiting behind it. “Oh hi. We weren't sure when to expect you back.”

“See they found someone else then?”

“Yeah. Simon's on our course and needed somewhere,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Excellent. I'll get everything together so he can get unpacked.” He looked around. “It might take a little while, I'll be as quick as I can.”

“Eh?”

“Do you know where I'm going?” Yuuji said, starting to take photos off his wardrobe. “Is it somewhere in this college, or...”

“No, no. You've got it all wrong!” Steve said, waving a hand in front of him. “He's moving into John's room.”

“Oh, right.” Yuuji stopped peeling blu-tack off the back of a photo and sat on his bed. He looked up at Steve, and said, “No, sorry. I'm still lost.”

“Can I?” Steve asked, gesturing at the bed.

Yuuji paused before nodding, moving away from the middle of the bed unconsciously.

“You deserve an explanation. No,” he said, shaking his head violently, “The first thing you deserve is an apology. Yuuji,” Steve said, with a sincere expression, “I am so sorry about how we've treated you. There's excuses I could make, but I'm not going to.”

“Thank you.” Yuuji could feel his lip trembling already, but fought against it. There was a lingering sense of being set-up he couldn't shake yet.

“John's gone.”

“Huh? He has?”

“Uh-huh. We had, urm, words yesterday and he decided to go.”

“But where?”

“Don't know. Don't care.” Steve huffed a laugh and shrugged. “He's a dick. It took a while to realise. That's why I want to apologise.”

Yuuji tilted his head. “Well, sometimes it's easier to...fit in.”

“Don't make excuses for me. I said I wasn't doing that. I stood by and let it happen, I'm as bad as him. And Mike, he feels the same. Don't be too hard on him, he's got older brothers. I mean. He takes older people on board more? I dunno what I'm trying to say. He's different in our lectures though. He never knew how to stand up to John, but after Sunday night, he knew we had to do something.”

“But I hit him,” Yuuji said quietly at his lap.

“He deserved it. The stunt with the broccoli was childish, and all his idea, but I should have stopped it. Same with him saying...that. I could have done something.” He smirked at Yuuji. “I was actually pretty proud of you for punching him. Man! He wasn't expecting that! I bet it was pretty bad for him to get hit by a -” He stopped sharply, face reddening.

“By a gay?” Yuuji asked.

“Fuck! I can't even apologise properly! I didn't mean...no, no excuses. I'm sorry. I'm really trying. I've never known anyone that's gay! I come from a small town in the middle of fucking nowhere. I'm used to people like John.”

“You're right though. John was probably mortified he got punched by a gay man wearing tights and make-up.” Yuuji kept his face straight, waiting for the penny to drop for Steve.

Eventually he smiled, and Steve followed suit. “You're teasing me, right? I deserve it.”

Yuuji cackled. “Yeah I am. Okay, okay. So first of all, I'm not gay. I'm bisexual. Might seem like it doesn't matter 'cause I have a boyfriend, but it does.” He held up his index finger. “That's your first lesson.”

“Noted.”

“Second lesson – you shouldn't ever 'out' someone else. I was pissed off you told Ruth before I'd even met her. I don't like that you trotted out your 'gay flatmate' to impress the girls.”

“That's not why...no, wait. Sorry. I'll take that on board.”

“What were you going to say?”

Steve shook his head. “No excuses. I was wrong, so...”

“No, honestly, I'd like to hear.”

Steve took a deep breath. “Well, Ruth told us she was gay, like, _immediately_. And John looked pissed off – because he's a dick – but I didn't say anything until Ruth started asking about you.” His face was still red and he couldn't meet Yuuji's eyes. “She asked if you were as good looking as Natalie said you were, and how she had a crush on you. I didn't want Natalie to be upset, so I said you had someone. When she asked what she's like, well...it kind of slipped out. I said, 'We haven't met him, yet.'”

Yuuji frowned. It wasn't the reveal he'd been expecting. He'd imagined them all in the flat, laughing about his sexuality, or telling Ruth, 'Hey you're not the only gay in this flat!' There was something in the last word that softened him towards Steve – 'yet'.

“I really didn't think she'd noticed,” Steve carried on, “I tried to cover it, but she'd picked up on it already. Then I felt like shit, but whenever I tried to talk to you...”

“I blanked you.” Yuuji thought back on a few times Steve had smiled and he'd turned away irritably. “See? I'm glad you told me that. 'Cause it's not so bad now. Sometimes excuses are okay if they're reasonable.” He smiled. “Why do you keep saying 'no excuses' anyway?”

“My mum says an apology is worth nothing if there are excuses.”

“Very wise woman.” He stretched his arms over his head, fingers linked towards the ceiling. “Well, you can tell her it was a very good apology and I accepted it. But right now, I'd really like some sleep.”

“You okay with Simon being here?”

“Oh absolutely! I'm looking forward to meeting him properly now I know he's real.” He ignored Steve's confusion, yelping, “Hey! How about we all get together in the kitchen tonight and start again?”

Steve's voice was barely audible as he agreed. “I'd like that.”

–

Simon turned out to be who most people refer to as 'a good bloke' – intelligent, plagued with not always saying the right thing, but thoughtful when it counted.

He cooked them all a massive pizza for their 'house meeting' as he dubbed it. Yuuji refused the beer he was offered and no one commented, which surprised him but made him happy.

Steve had been right; Mike was still quiet, but he laughed in all the right places and surveyed Yuuji with more of a grin than a scowl. It was awkward at times, but less so than he'd expected, and not as much as eating Chinese food with Chikara's parents after that row.

Ruth and Natalie both came in at different times during the meal, making no comment except for smiling encouragingly at Yuuji when the others weren't looking.

By the time he went to bed, he couldn't believe he ever thought it was worth leaving university because of one mistake.

The rest of November went by quickly, the kind of happy, busy blur he'd always imagined university would be, instead of a stressful smear.

Lectures started to make sense, somehow, the extra reading he put in finally paying off. There were so many people in his lecture hall that at the start of term it made his head spin, but a few weeks down the line, he'd decided who he wanted to talk to, who he nodded at, and who he avoided. Ethan, in particular, he became closer to, often going to a cafe with him after lectures to exchange thoughts. Other students chose a bar instead, but as Ethan was married and lived off campus, he needed to keep sober for driving, which suited Yuuji perfectly.

He had a hundred funny stories about his little boy, Jeremy, and Yuuji found himself asking after him before they discussed anything else. His favourite was the time he sang about baking a cake to the tune of “Shake it Off”, and he often sung it to himself in the kitchen. Yuuji had also been found lying on his bed with his legs leaning up against the wall, attempting to emulate Jeremy's way of watching television, much to the amusement of Ruth.

Things in the flat became easier each day as everyone's lives became embroiled in each other's. Yuuji began to recognise names they all used for family members, and when they came to visit the whole floor would be welcoming to them as if they all already knew each other.

Yuuji still preferred the girls, if he was being honest. They'd often chat together in Sonia's room, as it was the biggest, and even though only Natalie worked for Sonia, Ruth would usually be there too. Their taste in films was more frivolous than Chikara's, meaning he finally got to see some of the films that were turned down because they had, 'too much singing'.

There was something comforting about spending time with them; it could have been the fact that Ruth was also gay, or that Sonia used a wheelchair, but Yuuji was inclined to think he had more in common with them than those simple things. Then, one evening he caught Ruth staring at Sonia, clearly pining over her, and he thought perhaps that situation was why he felt so at home.

He and Chikara still spoke daily, sometimes only for a few minutes, but usually they took an hour every evening with video chat open, doing their course work together. On weekends they were apart, they began a tradition of watching a film together on the Saturday evening. Chikara would always eat first, but Yuuji would forget, eating throughout the film and annoying Chikara with the sound, or his terrible cookery skills, usually both.

They both kept to their pledge on either side of the Pennines. Chikara went out with Tanaka for the night out he mentioned, and apparently it was like old times, ending with lots of saying, 'Why don't we do this more often?' Chikara tried harder to find the time, inviting Noya along too. He still had no school friends, but it seemed less important as the term went on.

Yuuji could see the difference in Chikara when they spoke; he had more colour again, his smile was bright, and he was back to joking about Yuuji video calling in his underwear.

–

Days came and went at an alarming rate; before he knew it, it was the start of December and he was back on the train again. The four weeks between visits had gone faster than he'd have thought possible. The last journey home had been sitting next to his mother in her car, wearing orange tights, knowing there was a meeting with Chikara's parents waiting for him; this time, he leant back on his bargain first class seat, drinking a free cup of tea and reading a young adult novel Ruth leant him.

He still had the orange tights on, though; he'd found them invaluable during the colder Northern winter months. He'd got himself some pairs of stretchy black leggings months ago to wear under shorts in the gym, but now he'd started wearing them underneath his jeans once he realised they were basically like the tights, but warmer and roomier in the crotch.

There was no point in him pretending he would be going to his parent's house first, he'd already told them he'd be going over sometime on Saturday. Chikara had checked with his parents that they were going out so he knew they had the house to themselves. He wasn't ashamed to admit he was the most excited he'd ever been to see Chikara, and spent most of his journey distracted from his reading by the feeling of his cock pressing against his tights. If he'd known he'd be getting turned on by the mere thought of his boyfriend, he'd have left the restrictive underwear in Lancaster.

He treated himself to a taxi, quicker than a bus, and it would probably be taking the piss to ask for a lift from his parents to another house. The driver got an accidental huge tip before Yuuji ran up the driveway, then had to go back to get his rucksack, by which time Kanoka was standing waiting for him in the doorway.

“I've been instructed to tell you to go into his room immediately instead of hanging around here chatting to me,” Kanoka said with a grin.

“No offence,” Yuuji said, hurriedly kicking his shoes off, “But I wasn't planning on even saying hello. Lock the door on your way out?”

He slipped a little on the wooden flooring in the tights, taking it more slowly so he didn't crack his head open before he even saw Chikara. All the doors were wide open between him and the bedroom and he could see the back of the wheelchair turn slowly around as Chikara realised he'd arrived; he closed every door as he went through it, walking purposefully towards him.

There wasn't any time, or any need, for either of them to speak.

Yuuji climbed onto Chikara's lap and took his face in his hands. The feeling of kissing him was even better than he remembered, than he'd imagined on the train, in bed the night before, every second of the last four weeks. He shrugged off his jacket without stopping the kiss, dropping it on the floor. He went to hug him, but stopped and took his jumper off, and then his t-shirt.

He resisted kissing him and stared at him instead, panting, before putting one arm behind the back of his neck, the other under Chikara's left arm so it was hooked around him. Yuuji pressed into him, chest to chest, and began biting against his chin. He licked up Chikara's neck to his ear, whispering into it, “Hello,” before nibbling on the lobe, pulling it between his lips.

Chikara bent his left arm, nudging Yuuji's head towards him so he could kiss him again, licking into his mouth, sucking his lip until his moan vibrated in their mouths.

“Touch yourself,” Chikara growled against his lips; Yuuji arched his back, pressing himself against Chikara, allowing him to latch onto a nipple.

“Chika,” he sighed, “I missed you so much.”

“Me too,” Chikara said, breathless and irritable, “Now, please get your jeans off.”

Yuuji stood up, still leaning over and kissing Chikara. He unbuckled his belt, peeling his jeans off and letting them drop to the floor.

Chikara looked down and stopped their kissing immediately.

“Urm...you have tights on,” he said looking up at Yuuji and stifling a laugh.

“Oh! Yeah, sorry I forgot. It's cold up North.” He started rolling them down. “Let me...”

“Leave them on,” Chikara said, looking down at Yuuji's legs.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Your legs look...nice. Shit.” Chikara was still staring at them, biting his bottom lip; Yuuji took another look. Granted, they did make his calves slimmer, which made his legs as a whole look longer. He definitely liked not being able to see his weird feet, or any feet for that matter, they were all weird.

He pointed a leg behind him and looked over his shoulder to see what that angle was like. As his muscles stretched, the nylon clung and highlighted them flexing. “Yeah, they look pretty good, you're right.”

He turned back around to Chikara, whose eyes were wide, pupils blown, teeth still worrying his lip. “Sit on the desk,” he said, without looking away from Yuuji's thighs.

Yuuji smiled as he hopped backwards onto the desk. “What's got you so wound up?”

“I don't...I mean I've never really looked at your legs since school, not this much.” He looked up, finally, and moved his chair towards the desk. “During that match it was all I looked at, really. But later, well, your legs didn't matter so much.” He sighed, looking back at them. “Then again, maybe it's 'cause I haven't seen you in so long and I forgot how fucking hot you are or something.”

The desk wasn't as high as the shelf in the kitchen, but it was high enough for Yuuji to rest his legs on the arms of Chikara's chair, feet knocking the wheels. He leant back on his elbows, testing the strength of the desk. “Well, I'm here now. What are you going to do about it?”

Chikara moved a final few inches under the desk. “Put your legs over my shoulders.”

“I'm not sure your desk...”

“It'll be strong enough. It's not going to take long. Look at the mess you're in already.”

Yuuji looked down at his crotch; the wet patch spread across the tent his cock was making was so obvious through the nylon he was almost embarrassed. Realising he might as well admit defeat, he shifted himself and hooked his legs over Chikara's shoulders. “Now what?”

Chikara raised an eyebrow, rubbing his cheek against the leg resting one side of his face. “These really do feel great. So soft.” He gently pressed a line of kisses against the nylon, reaching as far up as he could, before doing the same on the other side.

It felt so incredible already, the ghost of lips through the fabric heightening his senses. But it still wasn't enough. His dick straining against the same fabric was becoming painful.

“Not that this isn't...fantastic, or anything, but...God, please let's go to the kitchen.”

Chikara blew a raspberry against his inner thigh. “Always sounds so weird that, doesn't it? Go to the kitchen for a blow job. Let's stay in the bedroom.”

“But Chika,” he whined, “I really want...”

“I know what you want,” Chikara said, pulling at the fabric against his cheek with his teeth, “And I'm going to give it to you right here.”

With that, he tensed an arm under the desk, and paused, before a spasm shuddered through his leg throwing him face first into Yuuji's groin.

“What the...fuck!”

Yuuji reached down to try and hold Chikara away slightly, but he strained against Yuuji, leaning down and grasping the fabric over his cock in-between his teeth.

The tights were cheaper and thinner than his leggings, and ripped away easily with one swift tug from Chikara. He mouthed at the exposed boxers, working his tongue through the fly pointlessly.

“Okay, I give up. Get your cock out.”

Yuuji had no resistance left. From the moment the tights tore and relieved the pressure only to be replaced by the warmth of Chikara's mouth, he was at his mercy. He fumbled his cock from his underwear and it was engulfed immediately and impatiently by Chikara.

If he thought he’d misremembered how wonderful kissing Chikara was, it was nothing compared to how inadequate the memory of the inside of his mouth was; warm and yielding, enveloping him with exactly the right tightness, tongue flicking over his head in exactly the right places. Chikara knew his cock better than he knew it himself. He was sure nothing felt as good as this, nothing he ever had or ever would experience.

He'd been right; it didn't take long, and the desk was plenty strong enough.

  


 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning - this chapter has Chikara in a bit of a panic at times, so if you might find that triggering, try and read it only when you're feeling okay. There's also some sexual discussion at the end, but nothing explicit.

The Christmas market in Queen's Court was an annual pilgrimage for almost everyone at Karasuno. Younger students would go with parents; some dragged along with even younger siblings, some still hanging on for the visit to the grotto, some demanding to go home as soon as they had a hot dog. Somewhere around the age of fifteen, the focus shifted from family fun to fairground rides, and eventually trying to trick the bar into serving them mulled wine.

Chikara had only missed one year since going to Karasuno, the one where he was in hospital, and he didn't plan on missing another, especially as for the first time ever he had a boyfriend to share it with. Yuuji had never been, Milton Keynes being slightly too far from his village, and was ludicrously excited by the idea of it. Chikara didn't even dare to mention the huge sausages in case he spontaneously combusted.

To give them more time, Tanaka had happily offered him the sofa bed for a rest before and for the night. It meant Yuuji had to sleep in an armchair, but it was worth it to get more than a couple of hours with his old team.

Everyone had made extra effort to be home for the trip, only Kageyama would be missing; now that he was at Tokyo university playing for their reserve team, he had no free time to come home for Christmas at all.

It had been a long time since Chikara had seen most of them, only Tanaka and Noya were in weekly contact, and even then they lived too far away for spontaneity. He missed the foolhardy days of sneaking into abandoned places, scrambling over wire fences, and talking their way out of fines for trespassing. He'd found some amazing locations for filming, Noya had some great photographs, and Tanaka, well, he just enjoyed the thrill of running away from security guards.

Suga and Hinata would email occasionally and keep him up to date with their respective years; although recently Suga had been too busy with finals and although Hinata still sent messages, they mostly consisted of 'missing that dumbass' and a crisis about what that might mean.

Chikara missed Narita and Kinoshita most of all. Their universities were far away, and although they attempted to maintain contact, it dropped off when their coursework ramped up. Still, he was excited to see them, even if it wouldn't be exactly as it used to.

Wondering if they would be bringing their girlfriends led him to think of just how many people were coming and what a logistical nightmare it must have been for Daichi to arrange. He knew Suga would have a spreadsheet, he always did – assuming he and Daichi were still together. He felt sure he would have been told if they weren't, earth-shattering news like that would get to him somehow. Plus, if Suga and Daichi couldn't make it, was there hope for anyone?

Although they'd all thought that about Yamaguchi and Tsukki, hadn't they, and look how that turned out. Messy was an understatement. Training week had forged a lot of new friendships, including his own with Keiji, but it also ruined a lot of old ones.

No matter how much he loved Yuuji, Keiji would always be his first; their bond at least would always be special. Whoever else drifted away, he knew Keiji never would.

–

“This is so fucking cool,” Yuuji said for the eighth time. Every stall looked the same to Chikara, like each other as well as like every year before, but it was all new to Yuuji, Christmas itself still fresh, being only the second one he'd celebrated in earnest.

“If you want anything, let me know,” Chikara said, “I haven't finished my shopping yet.”

“Well, I don't have anything for you that expensive. Poor student and all that.”

“I don't need anything.”

“I've got you something good for your birthday. Not a holiday, but...”

“You never paid for that anyway,” Chikara mumbled, while Yuuji flicked through the Christmas decorations.

“Can I get this?” Yuuji said, dangling something in front of Chikara; a fat mermaid with a green glittery tail, sitting on a clear ball with a fish inside. “Isn't it glorious?”

“That's the ugliest thing I've ever seen.”

“I thought so! That's why we have to get it.” He stroked the decoration lovingly. “If we don't take her home, she won't fulfil her Christmas destiny.”

“If you're sure that's what you want?”

Yuuji took Chikara's wallet out and passed over some cash. “It is. Thank you.”

“It's not going on our tree, you know,” Chikara said as they walked off.

“Well...I'll get my own tree! And get a hideous decoration every year, You can't stop me.”

“That's incredibly true.” Chikara searched around as they walked. He'd come in his electric chair so he wasn't tied down to relying on people, with the added bonus that he could look at Yuuji as they walked. If he stopped for a second and Yuuji didn't notice and kept walking, he also had a spectacular view of his arse.

Merry Christmas to him.

–

They eventually found the first of the group by the ferris wheel. Tanaka had texted to say a big group of them were there, having come separately with Saeko and some mysterious person. Chikara wondered if it was the same one Tanaka was always rushing off to meet, hoping it was as they seemed to make him happy. Saeko was roped in to pick up Asahi and Noya on the way as well; having a large vehicle wasn't always a blessing.

Blood started pumping faster in Chikara's veins at the size of the group, and this was only half of them. He stopped moving, noticed by Yuuji this time who crouched beside him.

“Hey. You okay?”

“Yeah. Nervous.” Chikara bit his lip. “Why am I so nervous? I've known them for years. This is pathetic. Sorry.”

“Don't apologise.” Yuuji took his hand, rubbing circles in his palm; it was only just tangible but it soothed him nonetheless. “You haven't seen them for a long time.”

“It's not fair of me. It's worse for you.”

“Me? I couldn't give a shit. I know some of 'em don't like me. Not much I can do about it. If I haven't convinced them by now, nothing else I can do.” He shrugged and smiled. “We can go home any time. Once we get going, you'll be okay...and if not, then...well, we get going.” He laughed and kissed Chikara on the cheek. “Okay?”

Chikara nodded. “I'm ready.”

–

Once everyone turned up, there were twenty of them, and finding some way to all sit together to eat wasn't easy. They smushed onto three outdoor tables, dividing naturally into groups. Some huge surprises had turned up with the team, meaning the blood pumping around Chikara didn't slow down.

Firstly, thankfully, Suga and Daichi were hand in hand. Sitting on the same table chatting were Kiyoko and Asahi, who was also holding hands with someone – Noya. Chikara had no idea when that had happened, Noya's crush was four years long and no one had ever thought it would be returned.

He shared his own table with the others from his year. Only Kinoshita was alone, Narita accompanied by his university girlfriend, and Tanaka by his unnamed associate, who turned out to be, of all people, Kanoka. There was a lot of blushing from her, and explanations overlapping from both of them, but there wasn't one person unhappy to see them together.

By far the most strained table was the one taken by the youngest members. There was still an atmosphere between Yamaguchi and Tsukki, the former snuggled next to Yachi, the latter joined by that older kid from Nekoma who'd caused the rift in the first place. He'd brought along his team's setter, who was talking in hushed voices with Hinata. The simmering mood wasn't helping the anxiety in Chikara's chest, especially when Yuuji and the Nekoma captain greeted each other awkwardly and it was clear they'd met before.

“And where are we gonna sit?” Saeko said as she returned with Akiteru, both holding hot dogs for everyone.

Even though their table was the most full, Kanoka shuffled around to make room, almost ending up in Tanaka's lap. He grinned as she moved into him, whispering something that made her flush even redder.

The conversations stopped abruptly as they ate, only occasional murmurings of how good the hot dogs were, or people asking if the vegetarian ones were still good. Chikara found it hard to eat all of his, not only due to the size, but he was still uneasy. Not being able to sit on the benches with everyone else made him feel like an outsider, perched at the end of the picnic table with Yuuji stretching over to feed him.

Any time he caught anyone's eye, they smiled, but the sense of 'other' was overwhelming, and suddenly all he wanted to do was go home.

“Yuuji?” he leant and said quietly, “Can we...?

“Hmm?” Yuuji answered, mouth full of hot dog.

“I need...”

“I'll take you,” Kanoka said, standing up and wiping her hands, “I've finished. You stay and finish your food.” She touched Yuuji's shoulder as she passed him to take Chikara.

“Thanks.”

“I saw some toilets over here.” She walked beside him, pointing out rides she wanted to take later and talking about how the vegetarian sausage wasn't that good, but she hadn't wanted to upset Saeko. “Wanted to keep my good impression on her. I was so nervous today, we nearly didn't come.”

Chikara hadn't been listening; the thrumming of blood in his ears and the effort to not be sick had been taking all his energy, but this piqued his interest. “Meeting Saeko you mean?”

“Well...not only that. I mean, I've met her before, back when we dated at school. And I knew you and Yuuji would be cool about me dating Ryuu.” She smiled and nudged him. “Didn't want to tell you until I knew it'd last longer than a week. I think you guessed, though?”

“Nope. Didn't have a clue.”

“Ah, well, you've had a lot on your mind. You've done a whole term, though, only two to go!” Her eyes sparkled, and he was sure it wasn't the mere reflection of fairground lights.

They reached the toilets, Chikara making an excuse about his catheter needing shifting. She dealt with it quickly, and he wasn't surprised she didn't find anything wrong, since the only problem he was having was in his head.

“We nearly didn't come, either,” he confessed.

She looked up from rearranging his clothing. “I thought something was up.” Sitting on the seat of the toilet, she tilted her head at him. “Want to talk about it?”

“There's just so many people. But I feel guilty for being nervous when I know everyone and there's people with way more reason for nerves than me. It's ridiculous.”

“You've got to stop being so hard on yourself. It's not even two years since the accident. You're doing _amazing_. You're back at school. I'll be honest, I thought you'd give up after that first week. I didn't think you were ready. Proved me wrong though, right?”

“Then why is this freaking me out so much?”

“You're in recovery still. I'd be amazed if you weren't nervous as hell. In public, away from home, all these people. And the atmosphere is _so_ frosty between some of them, eh? Ryuu told me before we came it might be, but I never thought...” She shook her head. “Give yourself some credit.”

“But I'm not...satisfied at all. I'm better than...”

Kanoka took his hand, something she'd never done before. It stopped Chikara immediately, derailing his train of thought. “You have an amazing will. You always have. You push yourself so hard, but it's never enough. For yourself, that is, it's more than enough for us. That's how you've kept sane these last couple of years. You're going to need that though, because we both know it's not going to suddenly get easy any time soon. There'll always be difficulties, but the good bits will make those hard times easier. Right?”

Chikara nodded, although he wasn't sure how far her words had truly reached him. There was still a part of him that wanted to go home. “I'm tremendously grateful we took you on, you know. Thank you.”

Sniffing, she stood up. “Let's get back before Yuuji eats your hot dog.”

–

The rest of the evening was easier, somehow, the group splitting up to pursue different activities. At some point, Chikara got to talk to everyone, although he spent more time with some than others. He'd never really seen eye to eye with Tsukki, and the constant presence of Kuroo and Kenma around him made him even less keen to talk to him. He didn't know them well enough to dislike them by any means, but the stilted greeting between Kuroo and Yuuji weighed on his mind.

Being too soft to go on rides, Asahi sat with Chikara when everyone else did, which meant he got to hear what happened with Noya.

“Ah, well, I finally told him how I felt, you see,” Asahi had eventually said, “And, urm, he liked me as well. Obviously! I didn't know. He says he was obvious, but I couldn't believe for a minute he'd ever...but he did. I'm very happy.”

The flush that spread across his cheeks when Chikara confirmed that Noya had indeed been pining throughout school warmed his heart.

The best bit of the evening, by far, was talking to Suga. He announced he was going back to Karasuno as part of his teacher training, and would be working in the sports and geography departments for the next few months. The remaining chill in Chikara thawed as he looked forward to seeing a friendly face around the school.

Chikara had no idea how Yuuji wasn't sick; not only had he finished Chikara's hot dog, he'd also eaten most of the leftovers, then went on every ride with anyone who asked. Watching him from the sidelines wasn't as upsetting as Chikara thought it might be. He always liked seeing Yuuji enjoying himself, but the pleasure seemed to spread through the entire group the more they got to know him, and by the end of the evening, even Tsukki and Yamaguchi were laughing with him on the waltzers.

Yuuji took down everyone's numbers and emails before they parted, shouted promises to keep in touch flying back and forth between them all. During the short drive back to Saeko's, he talked non-stop about what he'd enjoyed, who he liked the most, what he thought they should do to stay in better contact with them all.

“You enjoyed yourself, yeah? I'm sorry I kept running off but I wanted to give you time to catch up.”

Chikara didn't want to admit he'd liked watching him. There was still a niggling question hanging over the evening, he wasn't going to be too forgiving to Yuuji just yet. “Whatever. You don't have to lie. You wanted to go on all the rides.”

“Yeah, yeah, I did. But you got to catch up with them all anyway. Everyone's a winner.”

Only one name pointedly stayed off his lips as he recounted his evening; it was time to unravel the niggle and find out what the deal was with Kuroo.

–

The sofa bed wasn't as comfortable as his own – what strange bed ever is? – and the distance to the chair Yuuji was on only emphasised the separation from him. He could see one leg tucked under himself, the other hung over one of the chair arms, bouncing, phone screen lighting up his face.

“What are you doing?” Chikara asked.

“Just twatting about. There's some good photos on Instagram of us all, I'm saving them to print them out. You need something?”

“Yeah. You. Can you come over here?”

Yuuji quickly leapt to his feet, wobbling upon landing. “Oof, dead leg. What's up?”

“Can I ask you something?” Chikara said hesitantly.

“Ooh, this sounds serious.” He sat cross-legged next to the head of the sofa bed, leaning his chin next to Chikara so they could talk quietly. “Ask away.”

“What's Kuroo like?”

The moment of hesitation, Yuuji turning away and chewing the inside of his mouth, spoke volumes; it was only a couple of seconds, but Chikara caught it. “He's nice! Friends with Bokuto, so ya know, he's fun. I don't...know him that well, not really. Why?”

“I've never really talked to him. All I know about him is what happened with Tsukki.”

Yuuji raised an eyebrow. “Huh?”

“At training week, there was some...unpleasantness. It ruined everything Tsukki had with Yamaguchi. They'd been friends since primary school, then boyfriends, none of us ever thought there'd be a time they weren't together. But then Kuroo...there was obviously some sort of instant attraction. Nothing happened, not then, but they stayed in touch and...well, Tsukki said he didn't want to cheat but he wanted to see whether the thing with Kuroo would go anywhere. It was all a bit nasty. Poor Yamaguchi.”

Yuuji sat silently, studying his face. He finally hummed, brow still furrowed.

“What?”

“Well. That seems unfair on Tsukki.”

Chikara's voice raised. “How exactly?”

“Keep your voice down. I only meant...at least he didn't cheat, ya know?”

“But Yamaguchi was heartbroken!”

Yuuji took a deep breath. “But people can't help who they fall for. I'm sure he gave it a lot of thought before doing that. Imagine if he fooled around with Kuroo, and _then_ told Yamaguchi. That would be a lot worse, wouldn't it?”

Rage was building inside Chikara, not just for Yamaguchi. “Why can't people just be happy with who they're with?

Yuuji shrugged. “Not everyone is. Or they're happy, but could be even happier with someone else.”

“Are you saying everyone is always looking around for someone better?”

“No, not exactly. Honey,” Yuuji said softly, leaning forwards, “If _you_ met someone you love more than me, I'd be angry with you if you didn't try with them instead. I want you to be happy, even if that's with someone else.”

“Why are you saying that?” Chikara said, blinking away tears.

“Oh, fuck, please don't cry! I don't know what I'm saying wrong, but tell me before I make it any worse!”

Chikara took a deep breath and attempted to halt his crying. “I-I don't w-want anyone else.”

“I don't want anyone else, either.”

“I'll n-never love anyone as much as I love you.”

“Me neither. I love you so damn much, it's pretty fucking unlikely I'll meet anyone I love more.” Yuuji looked confused, which frustrated Chikara even more.

“But if you _did_ , you'd choose _them,_ ” he said with venom.

Yuuji sighed. “Look, maybe I shouldn't be so honest sometimes. I just never want to lie to you, that's all.” He kissed his forehead. “I'm not  _looking_ for anyone else. I think that's the important thing. For someone to catch my eye when I've got you waiting for me...well, they'd have to be pretty special, right?”

“I guess...”

“They would! To make me forget you? Oh, man, they'd have to be incredible.” He slipped his arm under Chikara as he spoke. “I mean...look at you.”

“What? Me? What about me?”

Yuuji kissed along Chikara's cheek as he spoke. “You're the funniest person I've ever met. You make me laugh every day.” He kissed down his nose. “You're honest and generous  _and_ humble about it. You're determined.” 

As he reached his mouth, Chikara pounced to kiss him. “You have the softest lips. I love kissing these lips.” He kissed Yuuji again. “Sorry I got upset. It's been a tough evening.”

“Nah, I get it.”

“I think...look, can I ask something? It might sound weird. I was worrying 'cause I could tell there's something between you and Kuroo and I think I was worried something might happen. Like what went on with Tsukki.”

Yuuji had been kissing Chikara's neck, but at this he burst out laughing, making Chikara jump with surprise. “Sorry! But that's hilarious. Ah, this is why honesty is the best way to go, isn't it? I knew I should have told you before, but I didn't want you to worry. Turns out I only made it worse.”

“What do you mean?”

Sitting back on his heels, Yuuji took another deep breath. “Okay. Let me tell you what happened with Kuroo.”

*

“So. You know I had a thing with Kou, right? Well, he and Kuroo have been messing around ever since they first met, on and off. I assumed you'd know that, thought Keiji might have told you. It's not like it's a secret, although...well, you didn't get around as much as some of us, eh? Some of us are, to be blunt, sluts.

“So anyway, the year before you were invited, we were part of that training week. When our coach changed, we weren't invited any more. I guess Anabara wasn't friends with Nekomata or something. But the year _before_ we went, and I met Kou. 

“I was only fifteen, he was sixteen, and he was already great at volleyball. Everyone loved him, and he's got so much love to give...he was popular, let's say that. I don't mean he slept around, but he did a lot of other stuff.

“I looked up to him so much; he was gonna be the ace of their team, probably captain too, and I wanted that. Not the captain bit so much, but being the star of the team. Ya know what it's like being fifteen, I wanted all the girls to adore me. Or boys, whichever.

“I'd never thought about boys though, until we went to that training week. There's something about the testosterone or maybe the shared showers or the hot tub? I dunno. All I know is a lot of people realise they're not straight that week.

“Kou was sweet and kind and made me laugh. My admiration for him...I just adored everything about him and tried to be like him.

“We fooled around every time I saw him. I knew about Kuroo, but they lived near each other. When I went to Milton Keynes, he'd make sure to see me, because we couldn't get together as much. I carried on messing around with other girls and boys for a couple of years, keeping in touch with Kou and seeing him when I could.

“Eventually, it got so I didn't really want anything with anyone else. I don't think I loved him as such, well, maybe, in my own way. I still do, it's hard not to love him, right?

“Anyway, I asked Kou if we could be more serious. I'd...slept with a couple of girls, but not a boy, and I really wanted to. Not just any boy, I mean, but Kou. I was so nervous about saying it out loud, over the phone, but he agreed almost immediately, inviting me over that weekend.

“It didn't go as I wanted, not really. This is hard saying this to you, but you want to know, yeah? Okay. So, I was the giver, and I'd wanted to receive. I'd already had sex with someone, I wanted him to have sex with me. That's...that's a terrible way of saying it. Sorry.

“We talked it over, he's so good to talk to about stuff, you know. He never judges me, he listens and he's always got the answer. Usually. Not this time.

“He invited me to his house again, but this time with Kuroo. Somehow he thought a threesome might help me. I didn't want to turn him down; as I said, I was a bit in love with him, and it sounded like fun, like something it would be good to say I'd done when I was older.

“I couldn't go through with it. Kuroo is really nice, and he's sexy as fuck. Seeing him with Kou was...I felt like I was intruding on something really special, like I shouldn't be there. They're so in tune. A couple of weeks later, I went over again, just me and Kou, and this time he took the lead. I could feel it was different, our relationship, not the sex. I enjoyed it and everything, but I realised something.

“I wasn't 'in love' with Kou. I was a teenage boy discovering he's not straight, and looking up to my hero in the game I love to play.

“I calmed down a lot after that. Kou went to university, and he finally got together with Keiji. I stopped hooking up with random people, focused on my schoolwork, started volunteering, trying to get a decent university place myself. Yeah, I wasn't meeting up with him any more, but his influence was still there, all the time.

“Kou helped me to be the person I am, and I'll always be grateful to him.”

*

“So that's why it was awkward. I hadn't seen Kuroo since. Last time I saw him...” He trailed off, flushing.

“What?”

“You know! Last time...was the threesome day.”

“But you said you didn't go through with it? Was it really that bad seeing him again?”

“Dude...I meant I didn't...fucking hell...I just couldn't...do the actual sex bit. There was plenty of other stuff going on.”

Imagining Yuuji with someone else, Chikara expected he would be jealous, but his chest swelled with an ache as his heart sped up. “Like what?” he breathed.

Yuuji snapped up to look at him, wide-eyed. “I'm not...Chika! Why do you want to know?”

“Don't know, really, but it's turning me on. Tell me.”

“You really are...” Yuuji shook his head and put an arm back under Chikara. “Okay. But you got to tell me when to stop.”

Chikara nodded into his neck, and started kissing him while he talked.

“There was a lot of kissing. They're both good kissers. Watching them or joining in, it was all good.”

“Better than me?”

“'Course not. And before you ask, neither of them were better at blow jobs than you.”

The growling bite he took out of Yuuji's neck was explained as a punishment, and he said it was time to stop. In reality, he couldn't stop thinking about watching Yuuji getting blown by someone else, and wanted to go to sleep before they ended up trying to do something on Tanaka's sofa bed.

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

“This is... _ridiculous_.”

It was rare for Yuuji to be speechless, but somehow Chikara had outdone himself. Yuuji had been a little worried when he had to go into the garage to open his gift – considering he'd picked out his own Christmas decoration, which he definitely didn't remember being large enough to need a whole new room – but this was something else.

“I know it's a bit silly,” Chikara said, “But once I got the idea, I couldn't stop thinking about it!” He looked sideways at Yuuji, grinning. “You love it though, right? Even though it's ridiculous?”

“Well, yeah! But...I can't accept it.”

“Yes, you can. Honestly, it was a good price. It looks more expensive than it was. And it's from all three of us, Mum and Dad put towards it.”

“Thank you very much,” Yuuji directed at Toshi and Jin before looking back at Chikara, “But you said you hadn't finished your shopping,” he whined, remembering the fat mermaid, “You let me choose Mandy.”

“Throwing you off the scent. I knew you'd pick something cheap.” Chikara nudged Yuuji. “Get on then.”

Yuuji looked at his smiling parents, who nodded their encouragement. Looking over at Chikara's parents, he was far more worried about their reaction, but they were smiling too.

“Go on then!” Toshi nudged his other side, “I promise it's safe.”

Rolling his eyes, he took another look at his Christmas present; it looked like any other bicycle he'd ever owned, except for the fat tyres and the lurid green frame, but this was plugged into the wall with a light blinking to show it was charging.

“Why did you go electric though? It must have cost a fortune!”

“Not really,” Chikara said, “I got it on Black Friday so I saved a lot, plus no one seemed to want this snotty colour so it was even cheaper than the others. And it's got scratched paint. It was a bargain, I promise.”

Yuuji held the handlebar and tilted it, searching for the scratched paint that he was pretty sure didn't exist and was an excuse. “Why, though?”

“I was thinking about you having to take the bus to and fro, because you won't accept taxi money,” he tutted, “You can take this on the train, I double checked. You'll save money and time, and it's good exercise. Plus I can get matching fat wheels on the electric chair and we can go hiking and stuff. I looked into it, this can go over _sand_ , we could go to the beach.”

“I'd like that.” He smiled at Chikara, as he finally put a leg over it and stood straddling the crossbar. “You've given this a lot of thought, eh? I still don't really see why I need a bike, your chair isn't that fast.”

“Oh, it can go much faster, I stay slow so you can keep up.”

“Cheeky bastard.”

“So, _do_ you like it, then?” Jin asked him.

“Of course I do! Thank you both, honestly.” He sat on the seat, wide and comfortable, ran his hands along the framework, tested the touch screen. “Makes my present to Chikara look like turd though.”

“Oh come on, everyone needs a two foot Tiki head carving for their garden. That looks like Jake Peralta,” Hiro finished with a short splutter of laughter, joined by Tamiko.

“I told you, I thought it was much smaller...”

“Well _I_ like it, that's what matters,” Chikara said with an almost straight face. He was much better at hiding his amusement than Yuuji's parents ever had been.

“Is it alright to put it outside? Won't it get ruined?” Jin said.

At this, Chikara couldn't hold in his sniggering any more. “It's concrete. That's why it's so heavy.”

“Really? I thought it was polystyrene”

“So did I!” Yuuji protested. “It was only when he quoted postage I realised I might have miscalculated slightly.”

“Only _very_ slightly, honey bee,” said Tamiko, hugging him.

“I like it,” Chikara repeated, still struggling to remain a neutral expression. “I thought we could balance the bird seed on the top so I can see them eating it from the window.”

“Because it'll be so tall?” Hiro asked, playing along.

“I hate Christmas,” Yuuji muttered to himself as he shuffled out of the garage on his bike; he left behind four people who'd finally given up trying not to laugh, and one asking someone to turn his wheelchair back on so he could follow him.

–

It didn't take long to placate Yuuji with well-timed permission to eat one of the chocolate decorations off the tree to reveal that Mandy the mermaid was hanging behind it, despite Chikara's insistence she wouldn't be allowed anywhere near it.

Hiro insisted on doing the cooking, despite being in someone else's house (payback, he said, for all the times they'd fed Yuuji) and had brought along a joint of gammon and a large chicken, with a few different vegetable dishes he pre-prepared. There was more than enough food, they didn't really need the stuffing Toshi made, although no one turned it down when it appeared.

Yuuji got to pull twice as many crackers as everyone else, holding Chikara's hand limply around the end of each one offered to him. His parents were introduced to the 'who can wear their Christmas hat for the longest' game, Hiro losing almost immediately by removing it due to 'discomfort'.

The pudding was made by Tamiko and Yuuji the night before; a large traditional trifle, with sherry soaked ladyfingers, three colours of glacé cherries, and custard tinged blue where Yuuji had mixed up food colouring and vanilla essence. It matched the multi-coloured sprinkles on top, so no one cared.

Their parents went for a wander to the pub on the corner for a brandy, and came back tinged with the scent of cigars and friendship.

“I'm glad they get on,” Chikara said in bed that night, running his nose across Yuuji's cheek.

“Me too,” he sighed, “I think they probably like my parents more than they like me.”

“Shush, they're coming 'round to you. Things are definitely better since the meeting, right?”

Yuuji smiled, kissed him, and settled into his neck to sleep. “Yes, love.”

–

Chikara was still asleep when he awoke, eyebrows creased and making huffing noises. Yuuji pulled the duvet up around himself and Chikara, tucking it around his shoulders gently enough so he didn't wake him. He tried to get back to sleep, but every time he closed his eyes, he ended up opening them again to see if Chikara was awake yet.

Earl must have sensed movement and started burrowing her way out from the under duvet, stepping delicately on Chikara's face as she did so.

“Ow! Jesus! Stupid cat,” he grumbled, before blinking his eyes open. “Oh, hey. You're awake already. Why didn't you stop the cat?”

“Good morning, sunshine,” Yuuji said brightly, “Aren't you a fucking delight in the mornings?”

“Shurrup,” he grumbled, ducking back under the covers.

“No, no! It's your birthday! I've been waiting for you to wake up.” Yuuji shuffled closer to him on the pillow, nose to nose, and waited for him to open his eyes again. He didn't. “I'm not going anywhere.”

“I should hope not.”

“Wake up, Chika!” Ruthlessly, he wormed his arm under Chikara, using the other one to pull the duvet up over the both of them. Even though Chikara had finally opened his eyes, neither of them could see anything.

“You are a pain in the arse, you know,” Chikara said into his face before he kissed him gently, finishing with a smile. “Good job I love you.”

“What do you wanna do today?” he said as he dipped his head to nip at Chikara's neck, trailing the point of his tongue over the pink pinches, up to his ear where he licked and then whispered, “Anything you want.”

He turned his head and whispered back, “What about a nap?”

“Spoilsport,” said Yuuji, before the rest of the words on his lips were snatched away by Chikara.

*

Keeping mouthwash and baby wipes by the bed had turned out to be an excellent idea, thought Yuuji to himself as he wiped himself and Chikara down under the sheets; he still had to get out of bed halfway through to let Earl onto the windowsill, since she wouldn't stop chirping at them until he did and it was putting him off his stride.

“You want your present now?” he asked, settling himself back in bed holding Chikara.

“Well, not really. I actually do want a nap, it's only about eight in the morning, isn't it?”

“Urm, eight fifteen. So? You didn't enjoy that?”

“Of course I did. I'm less of a morning person than you, though.” He yawned and closed his eyes. “I don't know where you get your energy from.”

“I'm fuelled by love and ridiculous clothes,” Yuuji said, settling back into the cocoon of the bed, desperately trying to join Chikara in sleep. But all he did for an hour was alternate between pointlessly squeezing his eyes shut, and looking at Chikara's peaceful face as he snoozed next to him.

–

“So I got help from Kazu, obviously. I kept trying to do it myself, and I couldn't work out why it wasn't working! Then he told me it needed to be metal, I have no idea why, but we cobbled this together, and it works! Go on. Try it.”

Chikara stared at him, the speechless, blank face that Yuuji had come to recognise as being overwhelmed, which meant he must love his birthday present.

Yuuji grinned at him. “You're doing that thing. When you really like something. I did good, right?”

“Yuuji,” he said quietly, “You shouldn't have spent so much. Why did you...I don't need...why?”

“Well, your other tablet is great and all, but this one has voice activation! They added it to this edition.” He picked up the wooden stick he'd wrapped up with it, pointing at the end. “And I got the idea for this after seeing your reading stick.”

In order to study, Chikara had taken advice from Mark, and fashioned himself a stick for reading; it was a foot long length of wooden dowel, with a rubber thimble taped to one end and a piece of plastic hose on the other. He would hold it in his mouth with this end, moving pages with the other, using the dimples of the thimble to gain traction on the paper.

“I thought that if you can use it for paper,” Yuuji continued, “You could use it on a tablet. But of course you need a special stylus. So I found one of them and put it on the end, see?” He pointed out where he'd taken the end off and stuck the stick in instead. “But then Kazu told me these styluses only work cause the metal conducts from your body to the rubber, so I had to add this.” He ran his finger along a piece of floristry wire taped along the stick, creating a bridge between the stylus and the rubber hose. “I tested it, and it works! It's slow, but you can type or play games or...”

“Fuck, I love this so much! Come here,” Chikara said opening his arms a little.

Yuuji threw himself into them, hugging him. “Glad you like it.”

“I can't believe you did all that for me.”

“Plus, you can text me now, I downloaded the same app onto it I've got and added all your friends. That's why I wanted all their contact details at Christmas.” He kissed his head and moved away. “There's video chat there too, so you don't have to use the computer. You can talk to me on a headset and stuff. Just thought it would give you more freedom.”

“I could clip it on the chair, too,” he said, thinking.

“Hey! Yeah that's a great idea! You could watch films in the van! Wow! Yeah, this was a good idea from me, right?”

“A better idea than the giant tiki head...” Chikara said, unheard by Yuuji who was still congratulating himself.

“Oh! And you can use the map when we go to new places!”

“I can navigate for us when we go out and you're on your bike.”

“Yeah!” Yuuji sighed, and hugged Chikara again. “Ah, I love this life we're building together. Nothing's gonna get in the way.”

“Got to keep my teenage toyboy happy,” Chikara said, kissing him.

“Watch it, old man, I'll be twenty soon as well.”

–

It had already been a long time since they'd seen Koutarou, although Keiji had visited Chikara alone a couple of times. They hadn't met since Chikara had found out more about Yuuji's past relationship, however, and he couldn't help but wonder if New Year was the best time for them all to get together.

Christmas week had been...well, magical, he couldn't think of another word for it, no matter how much he sounded like a bad shoujo manga. Taking a week off from studying and spending it with Chikara had been an excellent idea, even if it might lead to failing his exams.

As their time drew to a close, the meal Chikara booked for the four of them in a hotel in town loomed, breathing down his neck alongside his parents' suggestions he ought to go home and pick up a book now and then.

He took them up on the suggestion to go home, but took Chikara with him. After catching up on the news, he brought a couple of shirts downstairs he was trying to decide between.

“It depends on the jacket,” Chikara said, watching him unbuttoning the third one he tried on for him. “These all need a plain, dark jacket or you'll look ludicrous.”

“I got a new jacket in the sales. But I'm afraid you'll hate it, so I didn't even bother showing you.”

“I almost certainly will. Show me anyway.”

“Okay, give me five minutes.” He ran up the stairs two at a time, leaving Chikara with his mum, who was already shaking her head as she knitted.

“You're gonna hate it. It's...truly awful, I don't know where he gets these ideas.”

“I think he gets it from you, to be honest.”

“Hah! I may have an art degree, but I know how to dress myself.” She looked over her glasses at Chikara, checking he knew she was teasing him, before going back to counting her stitches. “He's driving tomorrow?”

“Yeah, and then they're staying in the spare room.”

“You'll be sure he doesn't drink?” she said, peering at him again.

“He never drinks any more.”

“Oh. Okay.” She frowned at her knitting. “For some reason I thought he was lying to me about that.”

He watched her as they waited, diligently moving stitches across the needle with a fingernail, counting under her breath. As she reached the end, she started looping the wool around, her tongue poking from the corner of her mouth.

“He's so much like you.”

“Mmm?” she said looking up. “Ah. Not that much like me, I'd never wear that.” She nodded her head as Yuuji came in from upstairs.

The jacket he'd chosen was indeed a dark colour, but whereas Chikara had imagined a plain black tuxedo, Yuuji was wearing midnight blue; the shape was simple, single breasted, no extraneous details. But there was no getting around the fact it was blue instead of black, and as he got closer they saw with horror that it was made from velvet.

“Jesus,” Chikara exhaled.

“At least your trousers don't match,” Tamiko said gesturing to the plain black skinny jeans he'd paired it with.

“Neither does the shirt though. I'm not sure green goes with dark blue.”

“I wasn't sure whether to wear a patterned one,” Yuuji said, undoing the buttons of his jacket, “'Cause surely that would be overkill? And I don't have a white shirt...not any more...” He looked sideways at Chikara, who blushed with the memory of their experiment with video chat and looked away.

Tamiko stood, placing her knitting on her chair with a pat. “You should wear black to match the bottoms. So the only colour is the jacket. Could actually look nice.”

Standing awkwardly by the fireplace, Tamiko fussing over his buttons and picking away threads, Yuuji shifted; with a hand tucked in his jeans pocket, his collar slightly upturned (out of lack of attention rather than on purpose), he suddenly looked like he'd walked off a fashion shoot.

“I actually...I think I like it,” Chikara forced himself to say. “It wouldn't suit everyone, but...you can pull it off I reckon.”

“Yeah? Really!” Yuuji said with a widening of his eyes.

Chikara nodded. “But you should definitely be prepared for Keiji to rip the piss out of you all night.”

“So what else is new?”

“Ah yes, but you don't know what Koutarou's wearing yet, do you?”

Tamiko huffed to herself in the corner, pretending not to listen to Yuuji pleading with her son to tell him, as she switched her stitches to purl.

 


	11. Chapter 11

For the first time in his life that he could remember, Yuuji wasn't wearing the most outrageous clothing in the group he was in, and he found it disconcerting. Keiji was wearing pretty much the same as Chikara – the same black suits they'd apparently worn when they attended the end of year 11 prom held at Karasuno, although Keiji had bought a new patterned silk tie instead of the plain one Chikara still wore – and Tamiko's suggestion of a black shirt had transformed the velvet jacket into a feature item of a pretty incredible outfit, gaining Yuuji admiring noises from Keiji when they met outside the hotel.

“All joking aside,” he said as Yuuji turned in front of him, “That does really suits you. Good work.”

“Thanks! And what have you brought with you?”

“I think he looks dashing,” Keiji told his cuffs as he fiddled with them.

Koutarou put his hands on his hips, pulling himself to his full height. “Yeah! I do, right?”

His jacket was fitted to his waist, with epaulettes and ornate buttons on the cuffs, matching the ones on the waistcoat beneath. The blue of the tie echoed the shades in Keiji's, and he'd left the gel from his hair, smoothing it back off his face instead, giving off an impression of maturity – above the waist at least. Below his belt, complete with furry sporran hanging from it, the same blue was picked out in the tartan of his kilt, the whole look finished with black knee-high socks and smart brogues.

“I sincerely hope, seeing as I'm at butt level, that you're wearing underwear,” Chikara said with a frown.

“'Course I am! In fact,” he replied, lifting his kilt, “I'm wearing cycling shorts.”

Yuuji covered his and Chikara's eyes as they both feigned horror. “Woah, that's still not something I wanted to see.”

Delicately replacing the fabric over Koutarou's legs and stifling a laugh, Keiji suggested they all go inside while they were still welcome.

A collective hush fell over their quartet as they entered the building, the only sound a soft, 'Dude,' from Yuuji. The vaulted glass ceiling was filled with what seemed to be thousands of balloons in shades of pink and purple, the night sky poking through gaps, lighting glittering streamers dripping from the heights. About twenty tables were scattered over half of the floor, each one with eight elaborately draped chairs around them.

The centre of each had a large metal tray with candles and sequins, and a tall stemmed vase of curled branches covered in glitter. Some people were already sitting in their places, others peering at a seating chart and checking them against the cards sitting in front of each chair.

Keiji easily found their table at the edge of the room as it was the only empty one missing a chair, and Yuuji settled Chikara into position before they both went to fetch drinks and get their bearings.

Thankfully, Koutarou wasn't the only person there in a kilt; he was definitely the youngest, and one of only two people who weren't working at the hotel, the other being a grizzled, balding Scot. Coincidentally he was in a group with the only other wheelchair user in the room, but the two tables couldn't have been more different.

The Scottish man, and what they assumed was his wife, sat with six other people of a similar age, barely speaking to each other and looking bad-tempered; when the other four guests turned up to share the table with Chikara, they were of a similar age and already three sheets to the wind.

By the time Yuuji and Keiji returned, they'd introduced themselves and everyone was wearing a crepe paper hat with feathers, Koutarou waiting with a party popper to cover them both in paper streamers with a loud pop.

Yuuji settled down next to Chikara, already chatting animatedly with Keiji. He sipped at his coke, starting to wish he hadn't agreed to drive; being surrounded by six people who would be off their heads by midnight, if not within the next hour, was not something to look forward to. On his right, Koutarou sensed his suffering, clinking his own glass of lemonade with his and winking.

–

Everyone in the room wearing a kilt, except for Koutarou and Bobby McSporran (as they'd christened the old man) gathered around a table in the semi-circle at the end of the hall; the tallest and loudest of them, and the only one with a hat, called for silence over a microphone, before a woman with a shawl over her shoulder and bushy brown bobbed hair recited something Keiji whispered to them all was called 'The Selkirk Grace.'

The man with the microphone requested a standing ovation for a man wearing chef's whites and carrying a large silver platter. Yuuji refused to stand, linking arms with Chikara, rolling his eyes, in defiance. The other two stood, Keiji wincing throughout the next few minutes, no one sure whether it was at the screeching bagpipes, the disgusting appearance of haggis, or Bokuto's wolf whistles.

The host spoke again once the haggis was placed on the table, surrounded by a vanguard of staff as if it might escape; to everyone else, he might as well have been speaking German, but Yuuji had already found the words and was reading it as he listened.

“'Your hurdies like a distant hill,' that bit was,” he hissed at Chikara, “Hurdies is Scottish for buttocks.” They giggled at each other, getting a stern look from the McSporran table.

The haggis, served with neeps and tatties, tasted pretty good, , when everyone ignored what it was; luckily it came with a side of whisky to help everyone ignore it more easily. As the evening went on, the excuse of drinking it to lubricate the toasts wasn't as easy to fall back on, and by the time the champagne came after dessert, the table was beyond rowdy.

“Here's to the last night of partying before studying, everyone,” Keiji said, raising his glass. “Oh, and happy birthday, of course.”

“Oh yeah! It was Boxing Day right? What'd you get?” Koutarou leant and asked.

“He got me a new tablet with voice control.”

“Nice! Does that mean we can text you and stuff?”

“You can certainly try,” Yuuji joined in, “He hasn't got used to autocorrect yet. First message he sent me was asking me to send duck pics.”

After a shower of laughter, Chikara nudged Koutarou and nodded towards Yuuji. “Well, _he_ once asked me to 'send newts'.”

“Which you did.”

“Which I did,” Chikara nodded proudly.

“So can you use it for your exams?”

Chikara shook his head at Keiji. “No, I have to have someone write everything for me. Not allowed electronics 'cause of cheating. So I have a...oh God, what's it called?” He turned to Yuuji. “You know, don't you, Mr vocab.”

“It's amanuensis.”

“Yeah, one of them. Someone who does what I say.”

“Nah. An amanuensis only writes what you say. That's the definition.”

“Aw, you do everything I ask you though. What's that called?”

“Devotion?” suggested Keiji.

“Being under the thumb?” was Koutarou's.

“It's...well, it's love, isn't it?” Yuuji said quietly, “I do it because I love you.”

Chikara blinked back at him, before literally throwing himself forward into Yuuji, who caught him with his lips and a hand on the back of his head.

“You're a bit drunk,” he said as he pulled away.

“Drunk with love.”

“You're a cheesy bastard. And I'm getting you a glass of water.”

Waiting at the bar, he observed them talking, realised how loud they all were as he could hear them above the rest of the crowd; he should probably suggest they keep the noise down when he got back. But then, Chikara spoke, leaning forward with a glint in his eye, and even from where he watched, he could see Koutarou's shoulders drop and Keiji begin to fiddle with his hands.

He tried to hurry the barman, never taking his eyes off his friends, Chikara still smiling as he spoke, the other two becoming increasingly uncomfortable.

“Fucking hell, read the room, Chika,” he muttered as he grabbed the drinks and ran back to the table.

“Hey, so...what did I miss?”

“Not much,” Koutarou said as he thanked him for the water, Keiji taking it without a sound.

“Oh, yeah? Doesn't, urm, look like nothing.”

“I was just saying...” Chikara started.

“Keep it down, love, you've got really loud, I could hear you over there.”

“...That maybe as they're staying over, we could try something.”

“Try what?”

“C'mon,” Koutarou said, grabbing Keiji's arm, “Let's leave them to talk.”

“Why? What's wrong?” Chikara's face had changed, become more cruel and hard in the few minutes Yuuji had been away. “We're all friends here, aren't we? Apparently Keiji knew all about it before me anyway, so why the secrecy?”

“What the fuck did I miss?”

It was Koutarou's turn to wince, sucking through his teeth. “I'm guessing you told him about me and Kuro?”

“How could you know and not fucking tell me?” Chikara shouted at Keiji across the table, “Is this why you don't like Yuuji?”

“I think you've had a little too much to drink, and we should all calm down,” Keiji said, spreading his hands in front of him. Turning to Yuuji, he added, “I do like you, by the way.”

“Hang on. 'Try something'? Were you suggesting we have a threesome?” Yuuji joined in with the yelling, pointing to the other two. “With one of _them_?”

“I'm really sorry about this,” Koutarou said to the other guests at the table who were staring at the scene like it was a soap opera.

Keiji grabbed Yuuji by the arm and dragged him towards a door. “Come with me. You need to calm down.” He thumbed behind him at Chikara. “Let Koutarou talk to him. He'll feel like shit tomorrow.”

The two of them found an empty cloakroom, leaving behind Koutarou already trying to find a tissue for Chikara.

–

Keiji allowed Yuuji to rant interrupted for five minutes until he felt he should step in.

“Please calm down. I'm used to emo mode, not whatever this is.”

“I'm trying!” Yuuji said, hands twisting in his hair. “I don't need a....an...amanuensis to fuck me 'cause he can't.”

“I thought they just wrote things down.”

“Oh fuck off, Keiji. You know what I mean.”

Keiji dodged the flying arm which hadn't been aimed at him anyway. “I'm trying to lighten the mood.”

“Well, don't! I don't want someone's dick in me. I want him!”

“I know.”

“I want him. Forever. I want... I'm gonna fucking marry him!” Yuuji finally flung himself onto the furniture, Keiji immediately feeling safer.

“I know,” he repeated.

Yuuji looked up at him, bathed in confusion and green light from the exit sign. “Why's he want a threesome?”

Keiji sat next to him, a hand on his shoulder. He wasn't used to being given exact reasons for irrational moods, it seemed much easier to deal with than silence. “He doesn't. He thinks he does. Or maybe he thinks you do? I'm not sure.”

“I only told him because...I want him to know everything. I didn't think he'd bring it up tonight. What...I mean, why? I don't _need_ anything other than him. Nothing's missing!” Yuuji's voice lowered, he started to look more embarrassed. “I'm not...unsatisfied. Keiji...it's...the best sex I've ever had. I feel weird saying that, especially to you, but...I don't want anything else.”

“I never said you did.”

“Does _he_ need more? Is that it? Am I not enough for him?”

Keiji blew through his lips, making a pfft sound. “Don't be ridiculous.”

“So, why then?” Yuuji shouted, making Keiji jump.

“I suppose...” Keiji thought, wanting to give answer closest to the truth without making Yuuji's mood worse. It was hard to keep track of where he was in the conversation, his tone swung around so much. “He wants to give you something he can't, something that you had before.

“If I needed that, I wouldn't be with him.”

“Yes, but...does he...” He was flailing as much as Yuuji's arms by this point. “You've told him it's...the best you've ever...”

Yuuji tutted. “More than once.”

“He's scared to lose you, then?”

“Then maybe he should propose...”

“He will. Eventually.” Keiji sighed, thinking he should have a word with Chikara about how the lack of ring looked like a lack of commitment, and maybe he should get on and _do something_. “Look. When you first started dating I wasn't sure. I knew about you and Kou and the others and...I wasn't sure about...”

“You didn't trust me.”

“No.” There was no point lying. “But I do now. You've proved yourself. You love him, he loves you. This learning curve will sort itself out.”

“You really think so?” Yuuji said, finally showing some hope through his upset.

“Nothing's certain. But, if it doesn't, I'd be very surprised.”

“Thanks, Keiji. I'm glad he has you, you know. Watching out for him.”

“Well. Thanks,” he replied, deciding to say something he'd been thinking for a while, “But I'm also glad he has you making him happy. I didn't expect it to work, but it does so who am I to judge?”

Yuuji's smile was back, and Keiji was struck by a new realisation that he and Koutarou weren't as similar as he'd always assumed.

“What am I going to do? I'm not angry with him. Not really. I think I'm...”

Keiji took in Yuuji's fiddling hands; they moved differently to his own when nervous, and he kept jamming his nails into the palm of his hand and frowning at them. “You're upset?” A flicker of pride flittered across Keiji's face as Yuuji nodded. “I've got an idea. It'll mean you doing something you might not want to. But if you can put up with it, I think it'll help.”

“I'll do anything.”

“You're going to kiss me at midnight.”

Yuuji laughed, a short hollow bark. “I thought it was going to be something much worse than that. Oh, no! I have to kiss a handsome man at midnight, however will I cope?”

“He's going to be kissing Kou, though.”

“Eh?”

–

Koutarou wasn't used to being the rational one in a conversation. He'd managed it a couple of times over the years as captain of the team, obviously, but usually he deferred to Keiji for how to deal with things. Couple that with the fact he'd met Chikara about four times, in total, and had never seen him in less than a good mood, and he was all at sea. “Have you sobered up?”

“No.”

“Have some water.” He picked up the glass and offered it to Chikara, who moved his head like a petulant toddler.

“I don't want water. I want...”

“You dunno what you want, really, d'ya?” Koutarou snapped, and then groaned at his tone. This was bad, if he'd already run out of patience with his third sentence. “You don't wanna threesome. Not really.”

“Maybe I do...” Chikara snapped back.

“Someone else touching Yuuji? Like you can't?” He tilted his head. “Nah, you don't.”

Chikara still hadn't looked at him, too busy biting at his bottom lip. “I want it if he does.”

“He don't want it. He wants you. If you don't know that by now, you're not as smart as I thought,” Koutarou said, tapping the side of his head.

Chikara's voice was quiet now, and Koutarou couldn't help but wonder if the lip biting had become a habit since the accident. “Why would he want me? He's marking time until he meets the right person. I'm holding him back.”

The most surprising thing about that was that Koutarou had never seen Yuuji more centred, more focused on his future. It seemed laughable that Chikara could think he was anything but ecstatic. “Wow. You really aren't smart. He's totally in love with you. How can you not see that?”

“Because I...”

“I've known him longer than you. He was smitten with me, but it weren't love. He liked kissing me, but when it came to sex, he was...all in knots about it. I kinda pushed him to see with the threesome.” It was hard to admit that, it still filled him with shame. “That wa'n't his fault. I were a bit cruel doin' that.”

“Didn't you have sex?”

“Yeah, but...” Koutarou took a deep breath, telling himself to think before speaking, get the wording right before he made things worse. “He i'n't like me. I gotta lot to give. Well. I hadda lot to give. Once I got Keiji _he_ gets it all, but 'fore that I shared it about. Yuuji thought it was what he wanted, but it weren't. He tried girls, he tried boys, but it wasn't ever...But you...you're right f'rim. Dun't matter if your cock's soft.” He rolled his eyes; as usual he might have said one sentence too many.

“He's talked about it with you?” Chikara said, finally looking up from the still full glass of water.

“No, but...s'obvious. He told you he wanked in a toilet once, yeah? 'Cause of you.”

“Yes, but...”

“And didn't you build a special shelf in your house? For sex?”

The shock was obvious now, Chikara obviously didn't know how much Yuuji had told him. “Well, yes, but...”

“And sex i'n't everything, anyway. Anyone can make you cum. S'not hard...”

“That's the problem...” Chikara said, with a smirk.

“Ya know exactly what I mean! You're smart. Ya don't need me to tell ya.”

“But...”

“Don't be an idiot. He's the idiot, not you.”

Still smirking, he nodded at Koutarou's legs. “You're the one in a skirt.”

“And he's pissed off about it.” Koutarou was grinning now, as he pointed at Chikara. “He wishes he wore a kilt, doesn't he? I bet it's eating him up inside.”

Chikara laughed for the first time since Yuuji went to the bar, then sighed and looked back at his lap. Koutarou wondered if would be okay to hug him, he looked really lonely and sad, but would he even feel it? He'd seen Yuuji holding his hand; he took a chance and placed a hand gently on Chikara's shoulder.

“It's almost midnight. You need ta start the New Year off properly or you'll regret it.”

“Where are they?”

“They'll be back in time.” After a second, where he hoped they _would_ be back _,_ he remembered something. “Know what? Keiji suggested we swap kissing partners at midnight. 'Cause me and you, we've kissed both of them, but not each other. Feels a bit weird suggesting that now, though, after all this.”

“I don't mind. I've heard you're a good kisser,” Chikara said, giving him a sideways look.

“Oh!” He hadn't expected that. Seemed like Chikara was a dark horse. “Thanks. Think Keiji wanted to try the tongue piercing after what I've said. And what you told him, obviously.”

“That was meant to be private...” Chikara mumbled, although the grin was still on his face.

–

It was ten minutes to midnight when they reconvened, Yuuji only making his way back to the table as Keiji led him while he looked at his feet; the hand lightly guiding him on his back fell away, finding its way back to Koutarou.

His feet stood opposite another set, wearing smart boots and resting on footplates. Chuffling forward, he nudged Chikara's legs, before draping his arms around his shoulders to pull his face into his waist.

Chikara said sorry, he called him an idiot in return.

The toastmaster called everyone to order for a third time in order to begin the countdown; a large screen showed the official Big Ben countdown at sixty seconds.

The pack of party-goers started milling, sorting itself into groups and pairs; the familiar midnight shuffling, some taking a gamble, risking a twist, others sticking to their safe hand.

Keiji tapped Yuuji on the shoulder, taking his hand and leading him away from a Chikara, confused until Koutarou squatted next to him.

He told him that he thought this wasn't happening, catching Yuuji's eye over Koutarou's shoulder; Yuuji's hands rested on Keiji's waist, and although he was talking, he didn't move his gaze from Chikara.

Koutarou gripped Chikara's fingers, reassured him, as the room began to count backwards from ten.

Chikara couldn't take his eyes off Yuuji, despite Koutarou's proximity; he was looking at Keiji now, with that head tilt and heavy lidded expression that came just before...and there was the tip of his tongue running across his top lip.

He tore away his eyes, blinking and sore, to look at Koutarou. As usual, he wore a soft grin, oozing confidence, counting with the crowd. With each number he inched closer, until at 'three' Chikara caught a wink and started relaxing. Almost.

Until he saw Yuuji leaning into Keiji, a hand cupping the back of his head; he could almost sense it himself, he knew so well how it would feel against his hair, his fingertips scritching against him. Yuuji smiled as the crowd collectively counted 'one'.

Chikara watched his boyfriend kissing his ex-boyfriend, without even realising someone else was kissing him as well. He couldn't see Keiji, but Yuuji's eyes were closed, it definitely wasn't a peck. The hand still on Keiji's waist tightened

They separated, Yuuji grinning, before they hugged and wished each other a happy new year.

At some point, his own kiss had finished. He felt Koutarou's hand on his chin and allowed himself to be turned away from the other two.

“You see?” Koutarou's voice was muted, kind. “You don't want a threesome. You want Yuuji to yourself.”

And Chikara had never agreed with anything more in his life.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This works as a standalone chapter, but if you'd like to see Chikara's POV, there was a chapter of 'Quad's Guide' uploaded yesterday which fleshes out the story. It's the one called 'Parents'

January came as a short sharp shock. Yuuji wasn't sure he'd done enough work for his exams, but tried not to worry too much as it was only his first year. His coursework had been getting good grades and he imagined most people would have done about as much work as him.

The reason he probably hadn't revised enough was Chikara, he had nothing else to blame. Having arranged not to see each other again until February, they'd made a lot of time for each other, possibly to his education's detriment.

As it turned out, he'd done more than enough; the questions seemed easy, he and Ethan smiling at each other with thumbs up once the papers were turned over. He couldn't help but notice some of his peers looking ragged and confused, concluding they'd packed in even more activities than himself and Chikara.

His last exam was on a Thursday, almost two weeks after he'd got back to Lancaster. They'd discussed him going home for the weekend, but decided to postpone as Yuuji's parents were away on holiday. Chikara had been amused that he could turn down a chance to visit after the fuss he'd made in the first term.

The first thing he did after the exam was call him, of course. Their conversation the day before had been cut short because Chikara had caught a cold at school and he kept having coughing fits. As the phone rang Yuuji hoped he was feeling better.

“Hello?”

“Oh. Hey Toshi.” He was surprised to hear Chikara's mother at this time of day. Usually he would answer the phone himself from his bed. “I just finished my exam and was hoping to talk to Chikara. Is his cold worse?”

“We're actually waiting for an ambulance...”

A lump of dread settled in his chest, instantly turning his blood to ice. “What?”

“...It's nothing too serious. He's only getting an ambulance because he can't sit up for us to drive him. He's got a chest infection.” She sounded light, as if this happened every day.

“I'm coming.”

“It's a five hour journey...”

“I don't care. I can be at the hospital by ten.”

“But visiting finishes at eight.”

“They'll let me in. I have to see him.”

“But...”

He hung up without letting her finish.

–

He was lucky with the trains, arriving on his bike ten minutes before one left. The minute he sat down, he realised he had nothing much in his rucksack, although thankfully there was a key to his parent's house on his keyring. It was only then he remembered they weren't there, but in Japan.

He took some time to message his flatmates, letting them know where he'd gone, then emailed his parents. A few texts arrived back, wishing Chikara all the best, which warmed his chest a little, along with one from Toshi giving him details of the ward number. He tried to spend the five hours productively, but in the end gave up and watched a film on Chikara's old tablet.

Leaving his bike in a locker at the train station, he decided to take a taxi straight to the hospital. He wasn't sure what would be happening later, but one less thing to worry about seemed a sensible decision.

Out of habit he went towards the spinal unit, before remembering Chikara wasn't there, but on the respiratory ward. Obviously he knew where it was, he'd directed plenty of people towards it when he worked in the hospital. Visiting hours were definitely over, he'd received a text from Toshi saying they'd already left and he maybe shouldn't bother trying to see Chikara until the morning. He ignored her, he had to at least try.

It was a stroke of luck that one of the nurses on reception recognised him as a volunteer, despite him not having worked there for years. After a bit of pleading and flashing the smile he knew could melt even the iciest of hearts, she relented, but only because it wasn't too late and Chikara had a private room.

He found it easily, the first sight of Chikara breaking open the dread inside him so it seeped into his bones.

Lying on his back, topless with a sheet up to his chest, Chikara's head was raised slightly, with a plastic mask strapped over his nose and mouth. A green hose came from it and disappeared into a tap on the wall behind the bed. Yuuji could see his catheter coming out, but there were two other pipes going in from drip bags hanging nearby, as well as a plastic clip on his forefinger.

His trembling legs carried him to the chair next to the bed. There was something about all the paraphernalia that made Chikara look so much more sick than he ever had in the spinal ward. Yuuji hadn't seen so much medical equipment attached to him since that first day; that seemed so long ago now, before he even knew him, let alone loved him. He looked so young, so vulnerable.

“Chika?” he said softly, touching his bare shoulder and trying not to start crying.

Chikara jumped at his touch and looked irritated, but then seeing who it was, recovered his smile. “Fucking hell, Yuuji! You scared the shit out of me.”

“Hey. You okay?”

“I'm absolutely fine! You didn't have to rush over.” His voice was slightly gruffer than usual, and a bit muffled through the mask, but otherwise he sounded no different. “If you gave Mum five seconds to explain you could have saved the money.”

“You're in the hospital, of course I'd come,” Yuuji said, a bit hurt.

Chikara grinned, recognising the tone. “Not that it's not nice to see you, obviously. Hey! How was your exam?”

“Do you think we can get this whole, 'in hospital,' thing dealt with first?”

“It's nothing! Honestly. That cold I had went on my chest and I couldn't breathe properly. It looks way worse than it is. I've got antibiotics and an IV because I couldn't swallow, but I'm already _loads_ better than I was! I'll probably be out tomorrow.”

“You couldn't swallow?”

“Don't focus on that! Focus on the 'better than I was' bit. I didn't even want to tell you. 'Cause I knew you'd insist on coming!” He turned his head and smiled fondly. “Such a drama queen.”

It wasn't often Yuuji got annoyed with Chikara, and he was as annoyed with himself that it was happening in the hospital, but he couldn't deny that it was. “Why didn't you want to tell me? Did you not want me here? I thought you'd be happy I came. When you needed me.”

“Of course I'm happy you're here. But, dude, you can't run over every time something like this happens. 'Cause there's a chance it'll happen a lot, and it'll be fine. There's nothing you can do about it.”

“So you wish I hadn't come? That's what you're saying?” He crossed his arms. “If you heard I was in hospital, what would you do?”

“Not much I _could_ do.”

Yuuji shook his head. “If things were different. If you could walk, and you heard I was going in hospital, no matter why, what would you do? How would you feel?”

Chikara's face dropped. “I'd...be terrified.”

“Because?”

He gulped. “Well, I'd be worried and...”

Yuuji interrupted, more sympathetic this time. “I just heard you had trouble breathing. And you're wondering why I came to see you?”

“Yeah, okay,” Chikara admitted, “If your mum said you were in hospital, I'd be on the first train over. Point taken.”

“Thank you!” he finished, triumphantly.

“But! There'll be times you don't need to come!”

“So? When do I ever _need_ to do anything, that doesn't stop me!” He huffed and looked at his phone. “It's ten. How stringent do you think they are?”

“You should probably go, love. I'm knackered anyway. Come back tomorrow, eh?”

Yuuji leaned down with his chin on Chikara's pillow. “You see, you need me really.”

“Well, if you're here anyway, might as well.” Chikara turned his head to the side and smiled back.

Yuuji leaned forward to kiss him on the forehead, before slipping quietly out of the hospital.

–

It wasn't easy to sleep in an empty house knowing Chikara was in hospital. He gave up even trying at six and made himself some breakfast; Simon recently introduced him to his favourite breakfast food, which sat somewhere between a Spanish omelette and a hash brown, and luckily he found the ingredients for it. Needing the energy, he added some cheese.

It took about half an hour to jog to the train station, and almost the same amount of time to cycle to the hospital, but he still arrived an hour before visiting began. The nurse he knew the night before had already gone off shift, and no amount of charm could get him past her successor, forcing him to wait until twelve.

He used the time to email his parents, then texted Toshi to let her know he was already there. She replied, telling him, to his surprise, that she and Jin would wait until six to visit.

The atmosphere in the area outside the door was somehow less jovial than the spinal unit, he guessed because of the serious nature of a ward devoted to people having trouble breathing. One red-haired woman was struggling to contain her tears in the one small tissue she'd found in her handbag; Yuuji found his own packet in one of his rucksack pockets, and passed them to her without a word. She took them, the corners of her mouth lifting slightly, and blew her nose into one noisily.

When the doors opened, the two of them walked in together, parting when she went into another individual room. Yuuji caught a glimpse of a figure inside, many more pipes and wires attached to it than to Chikara.

Chikara's room was three doors down, curtains opened wide, and a plate of food sitting on his bedside table. All the pipes except the oxygen one were removed, and he made sure he was thankful he wasn't like the other patient he saw.

“Alright?” he said, as Yuuji dipped to kiss his cheek. “I said you'd feed me, you don't mind?”

“'Course not. Your mum's coming later, after work, she says.”

“Oh yeah. Keep forgetting it's Friday what with you being here. Feels like a Saturday.”

Yuuji had unwrapped the sandwich and was looking confused. “How do I do this?”

“Take the mask off, nobhead.” He laughed. “I can breathe without it, you know. It's just to help.”

“Oh!” Yuuji lifted it off gently, resting it on Chikara's chest. “Makes sense.”

As it turned out, the oxygen mask was doing a lot more than Chikara had realised, and after only a couple of bites of sandwich, he asked for it back on, saying he'd eaten enough. He tried to reassure Yuuji, describing a large breakfast, but he wasn't convinced. As time went on, it seemed to become harder for him to speak.

Chikara drifted in and out of sleep all day while Yuuji sat peacefully on the chair next to the bed, reading a text book he'd brought with him. There was an ensuite bathroom, he hadn't gone out of the room in a couple of hours; when the nurses came in to turn him at four, they seemed surprised he was still there, but didn't ask him to leave. When dinner arrived, they were glad of the extra set of hands, even if he hardly ate anything again.

By six, he'd got everything packed up ready to go.

“You want some money for a taxi?” Chikara managed to say. He'd been quiet all afternoon, only asking for drinks or occasionally laughing at Yuuji saying something.

“I cycled here. It's fine. I'll get off now.”

“Urm, wait. I've got a...favour.” He shook his head. “Take this off.”

Yuuji did so, tracing the lines from the mask imprinted on his cheeks. “What d'ya need?”

“Hard to talk. Mum's bringing something. Give us a kiss before.”

Yuuji pecked his lips – dry and chapped, much too warm, a lingering hint of plastic scent – before putting the mask back on. “Let her tell me.”

Chikara nodded and settled back on the pillow, clearly tired from even this small effort.

Yuuji only had to wait five minutes to find out what it was; a key to Chikara's house.

“Chikara – well, us too – we wanted to give you this,” Toshi said passing over the keyring with a rubber volleyball hanging on it. “So you can let yourself in when you come and stay. You should use it tonight.”

“I can go home, I don't mind...”

“But he will,” she nodded at her son, who nodded back, “Your parents are away, aren't they? Stay with us until Sunday, and we can give you a lift to the train station.”

“Okay, thanks. Oh, but I've got my bike, won't need a lift.” He smiled at Toshi and Jin, before turning his attention back to Chikara. “Are you sure about this?”

“Yeah.” He took a deep breath. “Definitely.”

“It's fine,” Jin said, touching Chikara's shoulder. “He's been thinking about it for a while. We thought it might as well be today.”

Yuuji was also finding it difficult to say anything, overwhelmed by the gesture. In order to save face, he leant down again to kiss him and left as quickly as he could.

–

Being in a house he'd been in so many times, but this time on his own, was unsettling. Getting his own key – his own key! - to Chikara's house was meant to be thrilling. And possibly a bit romantic.

In his mind's eye, he'd imagined being swept across the threshold on Chikara's lap the first time he let himself into his house. Or maybe flinging the door open to find Chikara waiting so he could throw himself at him.

One thing was for sure – he'd definitely imagined a lot less cat sick.

The older Earl was getting, the sicker her kidneys were making her. The whole family knew it was the start of the end for her once the vet confirmed she had kidney disease. Yuuji found her hiding behind a plant, embarrassed; he carefully lifted her onto the back of his shoulder where she liked to perch and fed her some of the special food he knew she was allowed.

It didn't take long for Gunpowder to realise food was on offer, winding around Yuuji's ankles. “You're only my friend when I smell of fish,” he muttered, moving her away from Earl's dish to her own which had plenty of biscuits. “These are yours. Leave her alone.”

The ready meal he'd picked up on the way home needed five minutes in the microwave, plenty of time for him to get rid of the vomit. There was some lemon scented liquid under the sink which seemed as if it would be okay on a tiled floor, although the whole time he cleaned he kept thinking he would wipe it away and be left with a hideous stain of some kind. When he'd finished, the rest of the floor around it looked filthy, and it seemed a shame not to clean that as well.

His food had been standing a bit, which seemed to improve the taste from inedible plastic to barely edible gloop. Even the cats turned their noses up at the leftovers, Gunpowder going back to hiding on whichever cupboard she'd chosen that week, and Earl climbing up his arm to curl back around his neck.

She stayed there while he washed up and made sure the kitchen was tidy; he might have a key for the house, but he didn't want to seem like he was so much at home he could leave a mess everywhere. By the time he settled down on the sofa, Earl still clinging to his shoulders, he'd run out of things to do or think about, and it was only just eight.

“Come down here,” he said, plucking Earl out from behind him and stroking her until she turned a circle on his lap and tucked her head in. He tickled behind her ear and she made a contented prrp sound. “I think you miss him.”

There was no way he could move now, she was far too comfortable; he dug his phone out of his pocket and played a game.

*

Voices brought him round after half an hour, his phone on the floor. If Earl hadn't been in his lap, he wouldn't have known where he was.

“Would you like something to eat?” Toshi said, standing in front of him.

“Urm, no thanks.” He blinked up at her, the light hurting his eyes after his nap. “I got something on the way h-back.”

“Are you sure I can't tempt you? We picked up fish and chips and there's always plenty.”

As if they could understand, Earl's ears pricked up and Yuuji's stomach gurgled. “I...could probably manage some chips.” He stood up, cradling Earl and settling her back on the warm spot he'd been sitting, and followed Toshi to the kitchen.

“Why does it smell of lemons?” Jin asked her.

“I don't know. But yeah, I can smell it too.” They busied themselves with paper parcels, dividing the food out onto plates.

“Oh, that was me. I cleaned the floor,” Yuuji said, getting out some cutlery. “Earl had been sick.”

When he looked up at them, they weren't looking at him but at each other. Toshi's eyebrows were raised, while Jin was rolling his eyes at her. Yuuji wondered at what point in their marriage they'd managed to be able to have entire conversations without speaking, and whether it would ever happen with Chikara.

They filled Yuuji in on what had happened with Chikara as they ate. On Thursday morning he'd had trouble breathing and swallowing as the cold had settled on his chest; this was apparently a danger with spinal injury patients because so much time was spent lying down, and the lack of movement meant not being able to cough productively. The doctor came out and wanted him sent to the hospital, but then they'd had to wait a while for an ambulance. Yuuji imagined a desperate rush to get him somewhere because he was close to dying, but it turned out to be as mundane as Chikara had described.

Their conversation made more sense now he'd heard the whole story instead of jumping to his own conclusions. There really hadn't been any need to rush back down to Stoke Mandeville. The trouble was, everything sounded worse when you weren't there to see it – it even _looked_ worse when you did see it, all the tubes coming out of Chikara had been terrifying.

Yuuji wasn't sure he'd ever get over this feeling of needing to be near Chikara any time he was sick – then again, there were only six months left until he moved to Lancaster as well, and if he wanted Yuuji to have a key to his home, maybe there would never be a time they'd be this far apart again.

–

The next day, Chikara was back to chattering and eating his lunch. In fact, he was so much better, Yuuji almost wished he was feeling a bit crap again so he might stop wanting the lunch he'd brought with him.

“It's your own fault for bringing a Christmas sandwich,” Chikara said after his fourth bite, “Why are they still making them anyway, it's the middle of January.”

“Not every chicken sandwich is a Christmas...Oi! Stop taking such big bites! I cycled here, I'm starving.”

“Just one more. You can put it in my mouth as far as you want me to bite.”

“And you'll move your head forward. I'm not falling for that again.” Yuuji ripped off a corner and gave it to Chikara.

After washing his hands, he set up the tablet so they could watch a film together. Chikara still had the mask on, but managed to stay awake for it, probably because of his constant running commentary. When it was over, he kept badgering him for a hug, which was incredibly awkward but at least stopped his whining for a little while – until Yuuji had to move because he was insisting on kissing his neck.

By five when his parents turned up, Yuuji honestly couldn't decide if he was glad he was back to normal or not.

Letting himself into the house for the second time was smoother than the first; there was no vomit to clear up, and he'd already arranged with the Ennoshitas that he would cook the evening meal. There were still only two meals in his repertoire, and thinking they probably wouldn't appreciate a pile of fried eggs and potatoes for dinner, he went for a lasagne again. As it baked, he busied himself with washing up, then tidying the living room, which turned into bleaching the toilet; when Toshi walked in and caught him with a squeegee in his hand inside the shower cubicle, he almost wasn't sure how he got there or what he was doing.

They were impressed with his cooking, grateful for him feeding the cats, and ecstatic about him cleaning the bathroom. He insisted on helping with the dishes, despite them telling him he didn't have to, catching up on any hospital news while he did. As it turned out, Chikara had been given steroids along with his antibiotics, which had aided his recovery, but also made him more giddy than usual. Toshi hadn't wanted to admit she'd been exhausted by the chatter until Yuuji said it first, and then they both laughed at how much the steroids changed him overnight.

Unlike the evening before, Yuuji sat in the living room watching a crime drama with them both, Toshi knitting, Jin reading the newspaper. It was so quiet, much quieter than his house with his mum's constant fidgeting and nattering, making cups of tea, fetching the biscuit tin, every time pausing whatever they were watching and leaving him and his dad to recap what they'd missed. For once, he could follow the plot from beginning to end without interruption. He was no longer unsettled by being in the house without Chikara, but there was something alien flowing through the house he couldn't put his finger on.

That night, in his bed in Chikara's room, he realised what it was; at some point between that awful family meeting back in November, and their meal that evening, something had changed, and it wasn't just his orange tights.

Chikara's parents had accepted him.


	13. Chapter 13

“Thanks for doing this,” Ethan said, pinning the list of emergency numbers back on the fridge. “Mags' parents usually sit with him, don't really know anyone else.”

Yuuji nodded. “I'm quite looking forward to it! Never did any babysitting when I was younger. Feel like I missed out somehow, if those teen books are anything to go by.”

He really was excited about the afternoon; he hadn't been when first asked after their lecture, having much more to do with elderly people in his volunteering, but he knew he was probably the last in line and Ethan must be desperate. He was introduced to Jeremy the day before over coffee, but he didn't seem phased by a new adult to talk to. Nerves were bubbling up inside him, but he was ignoring it, knowing it was only the unknown creeping around. There were only three hours, during which he had to give him some lunch, it would probably fly by.

“The crematorium is a ten minute drive away, so we can be back if you need us.” Ethan glanced nervously between Jeremy at the kitchen table, and Yuuji smiling with his head on one side. “You'll be fine though, I'm sure.”

“If I can cope with Chikara, I can manage a two year old.”

“I'm three on Saturday,” Jeremy said, knocking over a glass of water with an extravagant arm gesture.

“Well, this is a good start...” Ethan moved towards the growing puddle, but was stopped by Yuuji.

“We'll clean that up. You get going.”

“Thanks.” His smile was strained as he moved away towards the front door where Mags stood waiting in her black woollen jacket; they waved and left, blowing more kisses at Jeremy.

“Come on, noodle, let's get some cloths, okay?”

“Where're they going?”

“Nipping out for a bit. They'll be back soon.” Yuuji had no idea if two year olds knew what funerals were, but he didn't want to check and see, especially if Ethan and Mags hadn't talked about it with him. After the floor was dry, he turned to Jeremy. “What next?”

“Would you like to see my pet fish?”

Yuuji wasn't sure what he expected, but it wasn't that. “Yes! I certainly would.”

Jeremy padded ahead, picking up a hat on the way and nonchalantly putting it on his head.

“Where's my hat?” Yuuji asked.

Pausing by the coat rack, Jeremy searched it and found a yellow bobble hat. “Here.”

It was tight on his head, but he pulled it on nonetheless. “Who's is this?”

“Mum's.”

“Why do we need hats?”

Jeremy looked at him blankly. “We don't. You asked for it.”

“Are you really only three?” Yuuji muttered under his breath.

“On Saturday,” Jeremy finished for him as they got to the top of the stairs.

The bedroom was small and completely dominated by an aquarium against one wall, lit up, throwing the shadows of moving water around the walls still darkened by the drawn curtains.

“I feel like an intrepid explorer going into the deepest Amazon,” Yuuji said in a hushed tone.

“Yeah.” Jeremy grabbed behind him for his hand, dragging him to the floor next to where he was kneeling. “Look.”

Yuuji followed the pointing finger and peered through the glass. “You sure have a lot of fish.”

Multi-coloured tropical fish swam between the plastic treasures littering the pebbled floor of the tank, a myriad of colours moving so fast they blurred together. It was hypnotic, and the two of them sat side by side watching it for what seemed like hours.

“How long have you had them?” he eventually asked.

“Don't know.”

“Were they a present?”

“They were Gangy's,” Jeremy said turning to Yuuji, “But now they're ours.”

“Oh.” He jabbed his fingernails into the palms of his hands. “Tell me about them.”

“The fish? Or Gangy?”

“I don't mind. Whichever one you want to talk about.” Crossing his legs, Yuuji turned to face him. “I'll listen.”

As it turned out, Jeremy wanted to talk about both, reciting all the names, and then talking about the ornaments Gangy had bought. Yuuji still found it hard to believe he was so young, talking as he did in such full sentences and with such attention to detail.

They stayed there so long Jeremy eventually asked for a snack; Yuuji fetched him an apple, which he ate sitting in a small armchair next to the fish tank, still wearing his hat.

He'd find out later he'd assumed correctly, and Gangy was the name Jeremy used for his grandfather, currently being eulogised a ten minute drive away.

–

“Did you have fun?” Mags asked as she picked up Jeremy and kissed his forehead.

He cocked his head, thinking, before answering. “Yes. I did.” He turned to Yuuji. “Are you staying?”

“Well, not forever, but I thought I might hang around a little while? If that's okay with you two. I thought I'd cook something for you both. I only know how to make one thing. And I'm kinda sick of it.”

Ethan laughed. “You don't have to do that. Why don't we both cook, I'll teach you something new?”

“That would be great. I mean I love lasagne but it takes ages.”

“Jeremy? What should I cook? Satay chicken okay?”

He nodded his head against Mags neck as she spoke. “You need a nap first though, treasure. We'll save some for you. Come on.” The two of the walked upstairs, leaving Ethan and Yuuji to the food.

“You're not allergic to peanuts, are you?” he asked, grabbing the peanut butter from a shelf next to Yuuji.

“No allergies, nope.”

It was the work of minutes for Ethan to make a sauce for coating the chicken strips Yuuji sliced, before he laid them in a neat row along a griddle pan. The two of them sliced some vegetables, Ethan eventually chucking them into a hot wok and leaving Yuuji to deal with them while he sorted the chicken.

“This reminds me of being at Jiji's,” Yuuji said, flipping the pan and watching the slices of pepper and onion cascade around the sides of it.

“Jiji?”

“Yeah, my grandmother in Japan. We used to visit every year for a couple of weeks. I haven't been in a while, but she rings me and scolds me for not speaking enough Japanese.” He laughed and shook his head. “Ah, I miss her.”

Ethan crossed his arms and leant backwards on the counter. “You think you'll take Chikara there one day?”

“I'd like to, but...”

“He has family there?”

“Nah. His grandfather came here as a child, all his family are here now. I think he'd probably like to see where they came from. Not that easy though, really.” He concentrated on the food, trying not to think too much about it.

His discomfort didn't go unnoticed, and Ethan changed the subject. “Got any plans for the weekend?”

“Yeah, I'm off home.” He smiled up at Ethan. “We've got some friends coming over too, haven't seen them in ages 'cause they had a baby.”

“Child-filled week for you?”

He nodded, and quickly prodded some onions burning on the pan with a spoon to dislodge them.

“You're good with Jeremy. You like kids?”

“They're okay, yeah.” He quickly added, apologetically, “I mean, Jeremy's _lovely_!”

Ethan laughed, turning to get the chicken from under the grill. “It's fine. I was just...nah never mind.” He turned the grill off, turning off Yuuji's burner at the same time. “I think these are done, eh?”

“You were wondering if we were gonna have kids, right?”

Snapping his head up, Ethan said, “Oh! Yeah. Sorry.”

“It's fine,” Yuuji said, shaking his head, “I don't mind. Been thinking about it, 'cause this friend is paralysed as well, so...on my mind anyway.”

“So there's ways to have kids then? That's good.”

“Oh yeah. Adoption, surrogates, there's plenty of ways. I have leaflets.” He huffed to himself, remembering his pile of leaflets he'd collected over the last year about varying issues related to spinal injury. “Thing is, I don't even know if I want them anyway. I thought I did, until I really thought about it.”

“Does Chikara?”

“I don't...really know. Possibly? He was captain of the team, he's very nurturing...I dunno. Should probably talk to him about it.”

“Sorry. Yeah, 'course. Come on,” he said, finishing dishing up the food, “Let's get this on the table. I can hear Mags coming.”

Yuuji was still uncomfortable, but couldn't ascertain the source of it, continuing to mull it over as they ate; was it talking about Japan, or children, or Chikara in general? He was usually okay talking to Ethan, then again, they usually talked in a public place, on neutral ground. Nothing Ethan had asked had been rude, not considering that Yuuji was there to look after Jeremy, it was an obvious thing to ask someone when they meet your child.

“Yuuji?” Mags asked.

“Huh?”

“Sorry, I was just asking if you'd like more chicken.”

“Oh. No. Thank you.”

She got up and took away the plates, making a start on washing them up. It took a while to notice Ethan was looking at him in concern, but once he had, Ethan asked, “Everything alright? I'm sorry if I...”

He knew straightaway he didn't want Ethan to apologise. “No, honestly I'm fine. You said nothing wrong. I think...maybe it was thinking about Jiji. And children. Grandchildren.” Suddenly the answer seemed so obvious he couldn't believe he hadn't realised sooner. “That's it. I'm her only grandchild. Feeling the weight of expectation a bit. Plus, she doesn't know about Chikara, I don't think. Well, she _knows_ about him, but I think she thinks he's just a friend, ya know?” Once his lip started to wobble, he knew he was in trouble. “Shit, sorry.”

Ethan shuffled sideways, awkwardly putting an arm around Yuuji. “It's fine.”

*

Yuuji felt like an idiot for crying, particularly as it was the same day as someone's funeral, but Ethan kept telling him not to worry. It didn't stop him apologising a few more times, until Mags cuffed him softly around the ear with a nearby Shaun the Sheep doll and told him to stop it.

He started to feel restless, and Ethan suggested they play some basketball outside. He was much better at scoring than Yuuji, taller and better at aiming the ball, but Yuuji had the advantage in stamina, and kept tackling the ball away easily.

“You're pretty good! You should come join the team, maybe?”

“There's a team?” he said, panting with hands on his knees.

“Yeah! There's loads of teams. Good for fitness and meeting new people. Not that you need to,” he quickly added, “But it's good for getting a job later if you've played on a university team.”

“Like being back at school...”

“Yeah, yeah,” Ethan said, making an easy dunk over Yuuji's head, catching it in his hand again as it bounced. “You're tall enough for basketball. Why don't you come this week? See how you feel about it?”

“Okay,” Yuuji agreed, ducking around Ethan's back and stealing the ball, before jumping two feet off the ground and slamming it in the hoop much to Ethan's shock. “Let's play for real.”

–

The scent in Yuuji's nostrils as he took in a deep breath was familiar and comforting: the oily rubber of trainers that had squeaked across the floorboards; the sharp, medicinal scent of muscle ointment; sweat covered with deodorant and talc; the sweet citrus of fruit juices, claggy in the bottom of discarded bottles. The emotion of his time on the court flooded his brain, his heart, his very soul.

There might be hoops at either end of the court instead of a net across the middle, his team mates might be scattered across the country, replaced by strangers in mismatched leisure wear, but adrenaline was starting its journey through his body anyway, fuelled by the smell and memories.

He felt a flumph of fabric against his back, turned quickly and caught a blue vest Ethan threw at him. “You're on my team. What position?”

“If it's okay with you, I'd like to wander around aimlessly trying to work out what I'm doing.”

“You've never played?”

“Not...officially. Messed about in the gym at school, ya know.” He caught the ball thrown at him without missing a beat. “Good reflexes though.”

Ethan turned to the rest of the players. “Okay if we have a bit of an informal chuck about instead of a match?”

Everyone nodded or mumbled agreement as they pulled the coloured vests over their heads. The captain of the other team stepped forward and introduced himself as Kev as he took the ball back from Yuuji. “You know the rules?”

“No running while holding the ball, no physical contact...and put the ball through the net to score points. That about it?”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“Can't promise I'll be any good at aiming, but I'm fast.”

Kev snorted. “This isn't a trial or owt. Don't have places on the team this year. Maybe next, though.”

He was disappointed – sport to him was competition, nothing got the blood pumping through his veins like the promise of a good fight, or watching the other team playing well, if he was totally honest. He hid his feelings, and said, “All a bit of fun, I just want to get back playing sport again.”

He'd had no idea how true that was until they started playing. The team in red were good, he could tell even with his limited knowledge of the game. Ethan's side were struggling to get the ball away from them, and any time they did, it was soon reclaimed and slammed through the hoop.

Their movements were smooth and languid, passing the ball freely between them all. There was a freedom in not having to make sure only three people touched it, in the court being his whole playground instead of sticking to one side.

But...fuck, he missed volleyball, and playing another sport felt like he was being unfaithful.

He missed the raw power of spiking the ball down over the net. There was a satisfaction to scoring, obviously, but to him it wasn't as technical; he knew that wouldn't be true once he tried learning more about the sport, but right now it felt _too_ much like playing. He shook his head thinking of how his old team would react to that.

The restriction being time instead of the number of ball touches made everything seem less frantic, made him feel lazy as he idly bounced the ball onto the floor a few times trying to find a gap. It hit the ground, and he felt phantom defeat at the ball falling three times.

The session ended, Kev spotting the next group of athletes waiting to use the gym.

“Come together, everyone,” he shouted from the centre circle. They gathered around him, Ethan bumping shoulders with Yuuji. “Good work today. We probably needed to cut loose a bit, so thanks for coming along...Yuuji, was it?”

He nodded. “Thanks for letting me play.”

“If you want to come again, you're welcome, but as I say, we chose teams at the start of term, so it would be as a bench warmer, if anything.”

“That's fine, some of the best players started as bench warmers,” he replied, with a secret smirk.

“If you have time, have a read of the rules. Some of the rest of you would do well to bone up on them while you're at it. Carl, don't think I didn't see you earlier.” The dark haired man who'd roughly tackled the ball off Ethan earlier, thinking no one noticed, shrank under Kev's frown. “Just 'cause it's an informal session doesn't mean you can tit about, okay?”

A few of them shuffled and apologised to each other, for what Yuuji could only guess were rule infractions during the game.

Kev carried on giving feedback to the rest of the men, but something caught Yuuji's eye; in his peripheral vision he thought he'd seen...but that was impossible, his eyes must be playing tricks on him. He chugged some water from his bottle and focused on Kev instead.

As they filed into the changing rooms, Ethan gripped his shoulder to slow him down. “Think you'll come again?”

“Maybe,” Yuuji shrugged, “Not that I didn't enjoy it, I'm not sure I have the time or...” He stopped abruptly, the same mirage appearing over Ethan's shoulder. “'Scuse me,” he said, pushing Ethan gently to one side.

His prey was making their way towards the gym where he'd come from, chatting animatedly with someone walking alongside them. Luckily they were walking slower than Yuuji could jog, even though he was tired from playing basketball.

He caught up, clamping his hand on their shoulder. “Chikara?” he blurted out, knowing how stupid it sounded.

“Hey, what the...oh! Bloody hell! Yuuji Teru-fucking-shima as I live and breathe. What a stupidly small world it is.”

Of course, it wasn't Chikara; not every Japanese man with a sweeping black fringe was Chikara, especially the ones currently walking around in Lancaster. Now it was obvious he was much too tall, at least three inches taller than Yuuji himself. The last time he'd seen him, Yuuji had been caught in the other team's changing rooms, wrestling half naked with that tall setter. What was his name...? Anyway, it was a fittingly embarrassing end to the huge defeat they suffered under the team who went on to win Nationals.

“Hey,” he tried to sound more jovial than he felt, heat rising in his face from the memories as well as accidentally calling him Chikara.

“Almost didn't recognise you without Koganegawa,” - _that was it!_ \- “...On top of you.”

The sarcastic drawl hadn't changed over the years, and neither had the lopsided smirk. “It's been a while, Kenji.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a corresponding chapter in 'Quad's Guide to' which takes place AFTER this and regards the visit from the friends Yuuji discusses - it will be posted next week.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're back!
> 
> I could pretend I saved this for this week because it's Terushima's birthday, but it just took me a while to write it.
> 
> Thanks to K8 for cheerleading me through the block.

Once his infection cleared up, Chikara had his first day back at school after Christmas, two weeks after everyone else's. A few students said they missed him, asked how he was doing, before drifting off to their own seats, leaving him with Jada and her perpetual tongue clicking.

Chikara's first lesson was geography, and started with Suga's toothy grin appearing around the door-frame, and ended with him asking if he could stay behind for a chat. There were two major saving graces to the start of a new year; firstly, he was closer to the end of the school year with each passing term, and secondly, he now got to spend time each week with Suga.

He'd mentioned wanting to watch a volleyball practice at the Christmas market, and he couldn't believe Suga had remembered; but he'd come through for him as always, and arranged for Chikara to go along to watch.

The next day, he arrived later than usual, in his electric chair, with Kanoka in tow. Finding out volleyball was to become part of her routine had dusted her cheeks pink with pleasure, and Chikara was just as happy to be able to share the session with her. Neither had played since Chikara's accident, although Kanoka's retirement had nothing to do with that.

The last time he'd been in the gymnasium was the exhibition match; it hadn't looked as he remembered it from his last game, full to bursting with friends and colleagues, and he'd been so nervous he hadn't had time to think about where he was, too busy as he was worrying about seeing everyone again.

The tap of Kanoka's shoes echoed against the walls, no bodies to muffle the sound now. The soft whirr of his chair, the squeak of his tyres, none of it was loud enough to drown the sound of his heart beating as he made his way to the back wall.

Kanoka stood waiting, her hands clasped in front of her holding his rucksack, a gentle look in her eye. “You okay?”

“Hm-mm.” He didn't sound sure enough, but he lacked whatever he needed to bolster his voice, all his attention being taken by the task he was working towards.

The brick wall was unaware of its starring role in the moment, rough and uncaring, worse for wear from years of neglect. No one notices walls, only what hangs on them, or who they shelter from the elements – but Chikara had been thinking about this wall for two years.

Steering himself parallel with the wall, he felt Kanoka's hand on his shoulder. “I'm not sure what I was expecting,” he said, avoiding both her and the wall. “I mean...it's just a wall, isn't it? It's not like he knows what happened.” He huffed a short laugh. “It's not his fault, is it?”

“His?”

“Yeah. Apparently I've made this wall into a villain.”

“I'm not sure you should make films.”

“You could be right.” He peered at the wall again. “I thought there might be a mark or something. From where I ran into it.”

“ _Him_.”

“Him,” he corrected himself and reversed. “There's nothing though. You'd think a...collision that forceful would make a dent or something.”

“It's a brick wall,” Kanoka said, stroking a hand absent-mindedly down it before resting it back on Chikara, “Too tough to show the damage.”

–

“I've missed this,” Suga said at Chikara's side.

“Warming the bench together?”

“Watching. Seeing where they could improve.”

“Few more players wouldn't go amiss.” The boy's volleyball team was woefully low on members; even with eight, they had no one good enough to train up as libero when the current one left. “What was 'Dashi doing?”

“Not his fault,” Suga defended. “He did his best with what he had.” Seeing Chikara frown at him, he touched his arm. “Don't get me wrong, you trained them well, people just aren't taking it up.”

Chikara's first year intake were now the third years, the most promising of which had gone on to Captain as everyone had expected. The crowd of spectators was thin, however, and mostly girls.

“It's not seen as 'manly' enough,” Suga continued, “Everyone wants to play rugby or football. Volleyball is 'for girls', it's the only time we get boys watching it.”

“I blame Dead or Alive,” Chikara said, stretching his neck. “So there's still a girl's team?”

“Yeah. They're not brilliant, but they always put in a solid performance in competitions.”

“Any decent players?”

“Well, Natsu joined this year.”

“How is she old enough!” Natsu would always be Hinata's baby sister, regardless of how old she ever got. Smaller than everyone else her age, and as enthusiastic and bright as her brother, she never seemed to get any older. “She's good?”

“Been watching Shouyou most of her life, she's picked up a lot. She plays libero for them, mainly 'cause no one else understands what the libero does.”

Chikara hummed, and said, “What?” when Suga turned and grinned.

“I missed _this_ too. Spit it out, then.”

“What?” Chikara repeated.

“You've had an idea. I know that hum.”

Chikara narrowed his eyes, blew out through his nose, and said, “I was just thinking...” at the exact time Suga said the same thing. “Smartarse,” he added as Suga dissolved into giggles.

“Hey, I'm _technically_ a teacher, you can't swear at me.”

“I was just thinking,” he started again, glaring at Suga to dare interrupt him, “Are there any rules against mixed teams?”

He had expected Suga's look of confusion, but Chikara had already drafted the argument in his head. It was something he'd thought about while captain himself, but had never had the courage to put to the teachers. Instead, he now explained it to Suga instead.

If girls came to watch boys play, and vice versa, then having a team comprised of both would mean they could potentially get recruits from the bank of spectators. Getting caught up watching it might mean the enthusiasm was extended to wanting to learn how to play and join in. More players would mean more funding, more donations, and different skill sets to choose from on court.

Of course you also couldn't underestimate the power of teenage hormones, as both he and Suga (and a lot of the rest of the team) could attest to, and it was this that Suga picked up on as soon as he talked of it.

“That bit does worry me,” Sugar said, frowning, “I'm not sure the teaching staff would be keen to have mixed teams for that reason alone. Training camp could be a bit of a free-for-all...”

“Yeah, because there was never anything funny going on at training camp,” Chikara said with a roll of his eyes. “Most of the managers are girls, there was always a mix. Plus it's not like none of the players ever hooked up with the girls...or each other, right?” he added, nudging Suga.

“Well, yeah, but...”

“Teenagers are teenagers. It happens no matter what you do. Also, do you have any idea how many condoms they use at the Olympics every year? Athletes are highly sexed, it might even help performance for the players who aren't into boys if they're not frustrated.”

“Chikara!” Suga tried to sound shocked, but was laughing through it, “I think Yuuji might be a bad influence.”

“More seriously,” Chikara carried on, “It would be an excellent way of welcoming transgender and non-binary students, if there was no divide. We always felt supported as gay men on our team, don't you think it would be great if trans kids got that same support?”

It was Suga's turn to hum, as he stared at the back wall of the gym. Chikara knew he had said enough, and given time, he'd get a response. The key to dealing with his old vice-captain was patience, give him a chance to mull it all over.

The question of mixing the teams had never been brought up while he was captain, but he'd grown in confidence in the last two years. Hearing about Yuuji's friend Em had made the matter more real, and even though he was ashamed it took knowing someone who was trans to make him act, he wanted to make up for his reluctance.

They watched the team in silence for the rest of the match; they were sloppy in places, particularly receives, and if Chikara was still captain he'd be telling them they were being “glory hogs”, as Daichi always put it. Everyone wanted to be the next ace, that was the trouble, they needed to understand keeping the ball in the air was as important as scoring with it.

If they carried on like this, it was unlikely they'd get through to the national competition to defend their title. Yamaguchi had done what himself and Daichi had never achieved, it would be a shame if someone snatched away the trophy after only a year of it being back where it belonged.

“Let me talk to Takeda,” Suga eventually said as the red team fluffed yet another receive, “All we can do is try. In the meantime, I'm going to fetch Megan and you can explain what a glory hog is.”

He returned after a couple of minutes with a girl, a couple of inches taller than him; her mane of hair was red and framed her freckled face in a series of huge waves and ripples.

The one word which came to mind for Chikara after the first few minutes of talking to Megan was bright, not only in appearance, but also her attitude and intelligence. Exaggerating her luminosity, she smiled during the whole conversation.

Luckily, Megan was observant enough of the team to already know exactly what Chikara meant with little extra explanation.

“I keep telling them that!” she exclaimed as she shook her hair off her face. “You know, we worked so hard to get them to start enjoying themselves, they might be having too much fun now.”

“We once played a team like that, didn't we, Chikara?” Suga might have sounded innocent, but he winked as he spoke.

Chikara chose to ignore his teasing and the unwanted image of Yuuji coming to mind. “Why don't you try talking to them?” he asked Suga instead.

“I think it would be better coming from you!” Megan interrupted, “The older ones really respect you! Honestly, hardly a practice goes by without Krys saying 'Ennoshita always said' about something.”

Chikara felt himself blushing. “I'm sure I didn't make that much difference, I wasn't that good a captain.”

“You got through to the semi-finals! Don't put yourself down.” It was only with this her demeanour darkened. “I don't let any of the team talk to themselves in a way I wouldn't let others. That includes coaching staff, alumni, and random supporters.” The twinkle returned almost as quickly as it left. “So you'll talk to them.” There was no query in her question, and Chikara knew she expected it to be done.

“They need to learn for themselves. And you need to tell them the same,” he said, “I can't come to every practice and remind them.”

“I wouldn't ask you to. Once a week would be amazing.”

He raised an eyebrow, unsure of what was happening, but knowing somehow he'd been played. “How about I come in to school a little later on Wednesdays and stay for the first half of practice?”

“Incredible! Thank you! Let me go tell them!” She began running towards the team, before stopping and turning back. “Honestly, thank you. I know the time you can stay up is precious.” She skipped off again, waving.

Chikara turned to Suga. “And how did she know I have limited time sitting up, I wonder?”

“How should I know?” Suga lied.

–

With Suga's help, some reminders aimed at his teachers of his good grades, and some rearranging of his timetable, Chikara managed to easily win himself an afternoon a week with the volleyball team. It may not have been his idea, but after the first time, he knew it was a good one.

The team were receptive to his advice, and after half the session, he could see a difference in their play. Megan thanked him for his time and allowed Kanoka to take him home. He was in bed much later than usual, which confused Yuuji when he got through on the phone.

“I did tell you the other day,” Chikara said, trying not to sound irritable.

“I'm sure you did, sorry! Been so busy. Was it good?”

“Yeah, it was nice to get back in the gym.”

“You were nervous, right?” When there was no reply, Yuuji carried on. “Thought so.” There was a rustle on the other end of the phone, a loud gulp, and Yuuji's voice became muffled. “So! Gonna ask me what I've been up to or what?”

“Don't speak with your mouth full, it's gross.” He sighed. “What have you been doing, Yuuji?”

“Well, that's why I'm still eating. Got tied up in something. You're not the only one who went to the gym. Ethan took me to play basketball today and...”

“Which one's Ethan?” Chikara interrupted.

“He's on my course. With the kid with the fish? They asked me to join the team.”

The pain in Chikara's chest was sharp, a pain borne of longing; he tried not to let it show, but it became bolstered by jealousy and he couldn't hide it. His “Great” came out as flatly as he felt.

“I'm not joining,” Yuuji said, laughing, “As if! I don't want to play basketball. It's boring as fuck.”

“Oh.” The pain eased off, Chikara felt like he could breathe again. “What time you arriving Friday?”

“Hey! I'm not done yet! Don't you wanna know why I'm late home if I _wasn't_ playing basketball? Hmm?”

Although he was unsure of why, the pain was back immediately, stabbing harder into his ribs, making him feel queasy. “Where were you?”

“Playing volleyball!”

“I didn't know there was a volleyball team in Lancaster?”

“Me neither! But I bumped into an ooooold friend. You'll _never_ guess who. Never in a million. Come on, try. Try and guess. You won't!”

“Alright!” Chikara snapped, “Let me try at least.”

“You won't though!” Yuuji sing-songed, unaware of Chikara's mounting irritation.

“Who?”

“Kenji Futakuchi. From Date Tech. Rememb-” 

The line clicked, leaving Chikara to stew in silence, and Yuuji presumably wondering where he'd gone.

–

Of course he apologised. He waited ten minutes, during which time he tried to ascertain why he was so annoyed; coming up empty, he called him back anyway. They chatted for a while, discussing how Chikara felt his news had been overtaken by Yuuji's (for which they both ended up apologising), and then talked a bit about Kenji and what he was up to.

His major problem had to be jealousy, it just had to be. He was jealous that Kenji got to see Yuuji, every day if he wanted to. How was that fair? He didn't even think that Yuuji would cheat on him, it wasn't as tragic as that. In fact, he almost wished he was jealous that they got to play volleyball, because he would be less of a cliché, but he'd long stopped being jealous of people for being able to do things he couldn't do, physically at least.

There was absolutely nothing to worry about. Yuuji wasn't about to cheat on him, no matter who he bumped into. They were steady. Sturdy. Faithful.

Of all people, though, why did it have to be Kenji?

During his captaincy, he was often mistaken for Kenji at competitions, followed by disappointment when they realised he wasn't part of the Iron Wall. Even after finding out he was from Karasuno, they didn't want to talk to him any more: they wanted Kageyama, the talented setter; or Hinata, the amazing tiny all-rounder; Tsukishima, the best read blocker in the league now Tendou had graduated; even Yamaguchi was more popular, with his amazing float serve.

He didn't need more reminders that Chikara Ennoshita was the least popular player in his team – the whole league even – and he really didn't want his boyfriend to realise it either.

*

If the last three months had been full of loneliness, the next three more than made up for it. Chikara hadn't realised how much of his school-time the first time round had been taken up with playing in the team. Staying for half a practice once a week was more time consuming than he'd imagined, but he didn't mind one bit.

Suddenly his world at school was filled with people vying for his attention, always beginning with, “I know you're busy...” but Chikara was always happy to oblige. They added him to their team group chat, and he was always leaving practice later than he planned. He was needed by someone for the first time in months – the team clamoured for his advice, especially Megan who often wondered aloud how she managed without Chikara before Christmas.

Lunch hours, he tried to continue studying as before, but it was impossible now he had – he hesitated to call them friends, but there was no other way he could describe them. No matter which carer was with him, Megan would usually give him his lunch so she could pick his brains about new plays and techniques, it was just easier that way.

Every other weekend, when Yuuji didn't visit, he'd join them for their matches. Kanoka was happy to drive him, getting on well with Megan and also enjoying her new routine. The days between visits flashed by so fast he wondered how he managed to fit in all his pining previously.

Despite not making the first team, Yuuji carried on training with Kenji; over the weeks, Chikara started to feel more at ease about it. It was hard not to see Yuuji so happy and be bitter about it, especially when he chattered away every night as he always had.

Their weekends together were the same as always; wobbly reunions, then films, sex, and falling back into loving bickering before they parted again. The team needed him, but Yuuji still did too, and he made sure to always tell Chikara when they were together again.

In no time, it was almost Easter; it fell late in April that year, meaning the long break for both of them would start the day after Yuuji's birthday. Four weeks of seeing him every day felt divinely self-indulgent, even though they should both be studying for their final exams – the very thought of which was inconceivable to Chikara when he thought back to the last four week holiday they had, over Christmas.

Final exams meant the final term, and after that, Chikara would be moving to Lancaster, to start their life together; impossibly, the end was almost in sight.

–

At the last practice before the holidays, the festive atmosphere was heightened by an Easter Egg hunt quickly organised by Suga; mainly as an excuse to get all the players to run off their excess energy, and distribute the crème eggs he treated them all to, at the same time.

Chikara watched, telling Kanoka about the latest in a string of dreams he'd been having. “He turned into a mouse this time. Like, he turned himself into a mouse. So I was shouting at him, 'What the fuck, Yuuji, stop being a mouse!' But he kept shrugging. With his mouse shoulders.” As she dissolved into giggles, he asked her, “What does it even mean?”

“What was the last one again?”

“Urm...Something to do with a bicycle. With an armchair on the front or something? He was driving me to an interview, I think?”

“Aren't you usually chewing gum in them?”

He thought for a minute before saying, “Not for a while actually.”

“I don't think they mean anything,” she said, touching his shoulder, “They're just dreams. Funny dreams, yeah, but I don't think they're anything to worry about.”

As she finished talking, Megan ran over with a handful of foil wrapped eggs. “Got you one!” she said brightly, holding an unwrapped one near Chikara's face. “All at once, or you gonna bite it in half?”

“Um, neither...I don't really...I don't like the inside. Sorry.”

“Oh.” Megan's face fell. “Sorry, I didn't think.”

“I'll eat it!” Kanoka piped up, swiping it from Megan and putting it in her mouth in one piece, saying through a hand over it, “No point wasting it.”

Megan flopped down next to them and started opening another egg, chomping into it, crestfallen. Chikara felt so ungrateful, and tried to make it right. He nudged her, saying, “All the more for you two, right? I prefer mini eggs to be honest. That fondant stuff is a bit sweet for me.”

“It _is_ really sweet, yeah!” She grinned and wiped her hands on her shorts, bad mood gone.

“You know anything about dreams?” Kanoka asked her.

“Mm?” she asked through a mouthful of egg.

Kanoka pointed a thumb towards Chikara sitting behind her. “He's been dreaming about turning people into mice. Wondered if it meant anything.”

“No idea. I dream about sorting out papers all the time. Or unpacking boxes.”

“Those are stress dreams, for sure,” Chikara said frowning, “Make sure you're not overworking yourself.”

Megan picked at the edges of her nails, watching as the pink varnish chipped off in tiny pieces. “I'll try not to.” Her name echoed across the gym and she looked up to see a couple of the girl's team waving at her. “Back in a minute,” she said as she ran over to them, ponytail swinging.

“When's Yuuji coming home?” Kanoka said quietly, knowing he kept his relationship private at school.

“He's back Friday, but I see him Sunday. It's his birthday Wednesday, so he's seeing his family, and then Haru and Kazu.”

“Oh how things change!” She put her feet together up on the bench, pressing her knees to stretch her legs out. “You used to demand to see each other the minute he arrived! Why the wait?”

Chikara shrugged. “We've got four weeks together, it's fine.” He leaned toward her, whispering, “Plus I have something planned for Sunday, 'cause Mum and Dad are out.”

“Please don't elaborate...”

He was still laughing when Megan returned. “Kanoka! There's some spare eggs over there if you want another?”

She stopped bouncing her knees immediately and jumped up, making her way to the group huddled around a basket. “I'll bring you something back and then we'll go okay?” she said to Chikara as she went.

Megan took the seat next to him, crossing her legs and resting her hands on her lap. She coiled her hair, now free from the band holding it, as it fell onto her cheek. “What do you have planned for the holidays?”

“Seeing friends, bit of family stuff. The usual.” Keeping as general as possible was the best idea; he'd only just started to fit in, he didn't want to ruin everything now. “What about you?”

“I was...I'm going to the cinema. On Saturday.”

“Cool. What's on?”

Her foot had started moving in a circle in tandem with the hair twirling. “I'm not sure. My brother and his girlfriend are going and asked if I wanted to go along. Probably something a bit crap! Could be fun though.”

“I hope you have a good time.” Maybe he and Yuuji should go to the cinema at the weekend? There was a new film out recently he hadn't seen yet. “I keep meaning to go and see that Wes Anderson one. Do you like his stuff?”

“I never really know who makes films. But...I could ask my brother if we could go to that, if...if you wanted to...only if you're free, but maybe you'd like to come with me?”

He looked up at her, noticing her face was flushed red and she was avoiding his eye. “Well, that's very kind, but you wouldn't have to change what film you're seeing for me! What time? Maybe I'll be able to come? Who else is coming?”

“It would be...I mean. Just the four of us.” There was a rustle and she brought a bag of mini eggs out from behind her back. “I've, urm, enjoyed getting to know you over the last few weeks, and well, I wanted to see you. Out of school. If you're...” She placed the bag on his leg, and he noticed a small note attached to it, simply saying, “To Chikara, with love Megan.”

“Megan, I'm sorry but...”

“Ah. It's okay. I get it.”

She looked sad again, this time, obviously more so than when he rejected the crème egg. In all the time they'd known each other, he hadn't picked up on any interest other than with the team, but as he began thinking back, he'd just missed the clues. “It's not...you.”

“You don't have to be kind, it's fine.” Her smile was still there, but now it was melancholy, as if his answer had been inevitable.

The ungrateful feelings from before returned to Chikara, and he made a snap decision; there was no way of knowing if he made the right choice until the words were out of his mouth. “I'm gay.”

At first, she didn't say anything, only a huffing noise.

“It's true,” he said softly. “You can ask Kanoka. I have a boyfriend and everything. I just...I didn't want to stand out any more than I already do, being older and having the wheelchair. So I kept it to myself. I kind of wish I hadn't now, but. There it is.”

She pushed her hair off her face and looked up at him, before pulling the band from off her wrist and wrapping it back around the clutch in her hand. “Is he nice?”

“Want to see photos?”

She nodded and dipped a hand into his chest pocket where she knew he kept his phone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Quad's Guide regarding the Sunday surprise was updated on 18th April, and then chapter 15 will come on Sunday. Thanks for your patience everyone!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning - most of this whole chapter is about sex, but also with some discussion about bowel care thrown in for good measure (it'll make sense when you read it), so if it would make you uncomfortable to read that, just ignore the chapter.  
> The main sex scenes are skippable if you stop reading between the ***
> 
> There is a companion chapter in 'Quad's Guide' this week with Chikara's POV

The Ennoshitas left as soon as they gave Yuuji his present; a new pair of Converse and a tracksuit jacket. He told them it was too much, asked how on earth they knew, to which Toshi nodded towards Chikara. “Little bird told us.”

After waving them off, Yuuji opened the champagne chilling in the fridge to pour them both a glass, and Chikara joined Yuuji at the breakfast bar where he placed the glasses.

“I didn't really know what to get you for your birthday. I gave Mum and Dad the only idea I really had.”

Yuuji jumped onto one of the stools, trying not to look as disappointed as he felt. There'd been a part of him that had wondered if he might finally be getting his matching ring. They'd been together for almost exactly two years and it was months since he'd given Chikara his ring whilst on holiday.

The trouble was, he'd told Chikara he would wait as long as it took for him to be ready to return the favour, and he'd meant it. He really had. But he still wanted it to happen as soon as possible. At every big occasion he had to stop himself getting excited prematurely; somehow he'd allowed himself to think this might be the day, yet it was sounding unlikely.

“Well, being with you is enough anyway. You sent flowers on the actual day and you're plying me with booze, so I assume you might do me later?”

“You assume correctly.” Chikara took the drink he was offered, then smiled wryly at Yuuji. “Only if you want, of course.”

“Oh, I do. Very much so.” He narrowed his eyes over his glass, refusing to tear his gaze from Chikara as he took a long slug. “Wasn't enough last weekend, just through a screen. Left me wanting more.” He drained his glass, hopped off his stool and climbed onto Chikara, kneeling astride his lap. “I mean, it was fun, but it's not the same without this.” He cupped his face and tilted it upwards, pressing their lips together tenderly.

As they parted, Chikara smiled up at him. “Hmm. It really wasn't. Although I did like watching you cum all over yourself when I told you to.”

“Yeah, well, I'll do anything you ask,” he said, slipping his arms around Chikara's neck. “You know that.”

Chikara raised an eyebrow, grinning in a way that excited and unnerved Yuuji in equal measure. “Anything?”

***

They had never really established why Chikara was so good at programming, but Yuuji couldn't help but think it was something to do with Chikara's ability to problem solve without having to write it down. He had a way of visualising that Yuuji found incredible; he could complete a crossword without filling in a single letter, always managed to solve any logic puzzles being shared online, and remembered the way back to the van when Yuuji started to panic. Yuuji's talents lay in languages, social sciences, and of course Biology, once he intensely focused his studying in order to follow his career choice,

Yuuji went with his gut, while Chikara was methodical and logical. He did his research and used his new found knowledge to create solutions – which was how they'd ended up with the sex shelf in the first place, and Yuuji was glad every time he was perched on it, legs wrapped around Chikara and his lips all over him.

He pressed onto the back of Chikara's head, pushing him further onto his dick, apologising when he choked on him.

“It's okay,” Chikara said, kissing along the length, “I don't mind. I like your cock.”

Yuuji sucked in a breath. “When did you get such a dirty mouth?”

“Do you mind?”

“Nah. Not as long as you keep doing that.” The final word was lost in a moan, as Chikara swirled his tongue around the tip again, before thrusting his mouth over him. His lips contracted around him and Yuuji threw his head back, moaning again.

He was enjoying the attention so much, he didn't really notice when Chikara moved his wheelchair forward; he felt him start sucking his balls, but thought little of it, until his tongue flicked further down, and Yuuji realised he was going further south than he was used to.

“Hey, Chika?” he said with concern. “Did you fall forward? You okay?”

Chikara looked up, confused. “I'm fine. Why?”

“Well, you were a bit...lower than usual.”

The wry smile returned. “Do you mind?” he repeated, and dipped his head again.

“Hey! Wait. Don't...” He cut off with a gasp as Chikara's tongue passed over his warm pucker. “Wait, I'm not...” He sat up with a start, working against every fibre of his body begging him to stay still and let Chikara do it again.

Chikara stopped and sat up straighter, with a push on his shoulder from Yuuji when he noticed his balance was off. “Is it not...good?” He looked so nervous and worried, Yuuji couldn't stop himself from leaning forward to kiss his forehead.

“It's not that. I'm...” He paused, and then blurted out a tumble of thoughts. “I'm worried it's going to be horrible, and really I don't need it, what we have is great, you don't have to do it, and you know, what's in it for you? It's fine, honestly.”

“Take a breath, honey.” He smiled up at Yuuji, leaning against the inside of his thigh. “We don't have to do anything you don't want. I thought it might be fun, but you're so tense, it's obviously not what you want. It's okay.” He kissed his thigh, moving along it back to where he left off.

As soon as he closed his lips around his cock again, Yuuji relaxed, eventually feeling the familiar pull stretching into his belly through his groin and into Chikara.

But the whole time, he kept thinking about the jolt of pleasure he got from the featherlight touch of Chikara's tongue, and wondering why he'd stopped him.

***

The rest of the evening was spent with a takeaway, the rest of the champagne and one of Yuuji's favourite films.

“Why is it your favourite Disney film, though. I mean it's good, but?”

“One word. Kronk.”

Chikara looked at him, expecting more, but Yuuji stared back, biting on a spring roll. “Can you elaborate?” Chikara asked.

“Everyone thinks he's just pretty,” he said after swallowing and giving the remainder to Chikara. “But! He can speak squirrel. And _then_ he teaches the kids as well. It doesn't seem like an easy language, ya know, 'cause it's just squeaks. Plus, he seems to be the only one who speaks it.” He pointed a second spring roll at Chikara. “He's way smarter than he's given credit for.”

“Not smart enough to know Yzma is evil.”

“He works it out! And then he tries to make amends. He's a bloody hero.”

Chikara raised his eyebrows. “Ohh so you identify with him. I see.”

“Of course! I'm not evil and I'm not just a pretty boy either.”

“No, you're also a nobhead.”

Yuuji leaned over and kissed him. “A nobhead you love.” He finished the spring roll and settled back onto the armchair, before changing his mind and leaning the other way so his head was on Chikara's leg. He moved his hand over Yuuji's hair, snagging it every now and again with his nails.

Yuuji didn't mind. He appreciated the thought and the tenderness with which Chikara treated him. He was always doing things for which there was no reason other than he knew Yuuji liked it. He always wished there was more he could do in return, but Chikara kept telling him it was enough spending time with him.

The earlier memory of Chikara's tongue caressing him so intimately crept into his mind, the film he'd seen so many times not providing enough distraction to chase it out.

He knew from previous experiences that having his ass played with was pretty good. Not as good as anything he had with Chikara, but it was definitely enjoyable. He'd always put it out of the question now they relied on Chikara's mouth; the idea of  _anyone_ licking there always worried him, so he'd never done that with anything other than fingers and a dick a couple of times. 

It all came down to cleanliness. What if he smelt disgusting, or tasted weird, or worst still had an accident of some kind?

He squirmed in his seat – the more he tried not to remember the sweep of tongue and the jolt it gave him, the more he thought about it, and the harder he started to get.

“Yuuji? Hey!” He looked up to see Chikara looking at him expectantly. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah! Sorry, did you speak?”

“Well, I was just wondering why you're...standing proud.”

Yuuji looked down at himself and saw the very obvious bulge in his thin cotton pyjamas. He'd forgotten he'd put them on instead of his jeans when they finished earlier.

He leant forwards and paused the film, suddenly feeling self-concious. “I was thinking. About earlier.”

Chikara stifled a laugh. “Can you narrow that down?”

“Urm. When we were. You know. And you. That.”

“Do you want to try saying it in squirrel?” he said, before bursting into giggles.

Yuuji pushed his shoulder. “Shut up! You know exactly what I mean!”

Chikara carried on laughing, shoulders shaking. “I do! Sorry. You're just so cute. Okay, okay. So earlier, when I licked your asshole. What about it?”

Yuuji blushed and looked away. “Don't say that!”

“Well, what _should_ I call it?”

“Yuuji looked confused. “I don't...I...hole? I dunno, dude!”

Chikara sighed. “I decided in my research to call it asshole. Sorry if it's not okay. We can call it whatever you want.”

“You did research?” Yuuji still couldn't look him in the eye. “What? Why? Is it not enough?”

“No! Honey, I was thinking of you. Of _course_ it's enough! If anything I was worried about you getting tired of me. I wanted to...expand our repertoire.”

Yuuji finally looked up, spitting out a laugh. “Oh my God, you are ridiculous! Repertoire!” He laughed before sighing, “Ah, I love you so much.”

He climbed back onto Chikara's lap and started kissing him. Knowing that everything he'd done was for him made it hard to hold back, and even harder to deny himself the fruits of Chikara's research.

“Come on,” he said, kissing down his neck and sliding down him to stand back on the floor. “Let's go try it.”

–

It took longer than usual, with all the kissing, whispering and giggling, for Yuuji to get Chikara into bed. As he did, they carried on discussing Chikara's 'research'.

“So what did it say?”

“About what?”

“You know!” His voice dropped to a whisper. “Rimming.”

“Love, there's no one else to overhear us. Oh, and also we're both twenty years old. You're not even my teenage toyboy any more.”

“Watch it,” Yuuji said, flicking his forehead.

“Seriously though,” Chikara said, with a straight face, “We're adults. We can do whatever we want. As long as _we_ want to. It's no one else's business.” He looked at Yuuji, trying to catch his eye as the sling went around him. “I know what you're worried about. But it's fine. Once I'm in bed, use the shower, and don't worry. Okay?”

Yuuji tilted his head to the side and looked at him. “You get it though, right? I mean. You won't let me be involved in that side of things with you, so...you must feel the same?”

“Is that what this is about?” 

Yuuji moved his head to tilt the other side and made a non-commital noise. “Kind of. Not really...yeah.”

Chikara took a deep breath. “If I trust you with my bowel care, would that help with this?” Yuuji made another noise, so Chikara said, “Think about it before you answer.”

And so he did.

He didn't think about what he'd have to do – about how he'd have to administer an enema, clean anything up, maybe use digital stimulation if Chikara needed some help.

He thought only of being able to go on holiday for longer than two nights. He imagined long holidays, travelling from hotel to hotel in the van, singing along to music and arguing over directions. He'd seen a cottage in one of the SIA magazines, maybe they could take a week in the countryside in the summer? Self-catering, just the two of them, long walks and sight-seeing, more interesting places than the rainy courtyard of a castle. If they could go away for longer, maybe they could go on a ferry, or even fly. There must be a way.

“Are you okay?” Chikara asked.

Yuuji looked at him, surprised to see he was in bed and naked already. He'd managed to do the whole routine without thinking. When he'd learnt all those months ago, that seemed inconceivable, but now, he hadn't even realised he was doing it, like arriving at a destination by a car and not remembering sections of the journey.

“When I think about doing your bowel care, I don't think about...poo. I think about what it'll mean for us. What we'll get out of it.” Yuuji climbed into bed next to him, holding him.

“Exactly. I'm not thinking about the smell or anything. I want to make you feel good. And apparently it does. So...”

“I suppose piss comes out of my cock and you suck that,” Yuuji said thoughtfully.

Chikara laughed. “Yeah let's not think about that.”

“And vomit from your mouth, but we kiss, don't we?”

“Yuuji, shut the fuck up and have a shower before you ruin everything!”

***

Yuuji had never showered so quickly and yet so thoroughly. He wanted to get back before he started overthinking, or maybe Chikara might change his mind. Now he'd decided to try it, he definitely didn't want that.

Back in the bedroom, Chikara had his eyes closed, but he opened them as soon as he heard Yuuji come back, a towel around his waist.

“Hey,” he said, with a smile, “You still want to do this?”

“Yeah.” Yuuji went over to the bed to turn the mattress off, dropping his towel on the way. “I was thinking. We should drag you down the bed a bit, is that okay?”

“Oh, good plan. Yeah.”

Yuuji pulled his ankles, until they were hanging off the edge of the bed a little. It gave them more room around his head, which he was sure would come in handy at some point during the evening. He crawled into the bed next to Chikara, putting his arms around him; they looked at each other for a second, before they both started giggling, and Yuuji leant his forehead against Chikara's neck.

“This is a bit weird, isn't it?” Chikara asked, kissing the top of his head.

“A bit, yeah.” He looked up, leaning up to kiss him. “I mean. Sometimes I wish we didn't have to like...organise things in advance. So we could just go with the flow, ya know? But this is cool too, 'cause we know we both want it.”

“And you _do_ want it?”

“Hm-mm,” he hummed, kissing his neck, turning it into a nibble as he reached his earlobes. “I want to try it. Because I love you and I trust you.”

“Tell me if you want to stop, okay?”

He hummed again, still biting at Chikara's neck. “I want you to feel good as well...”

“Shh,” he said, as Yuuji moved to straddle his chest, “You always make me feel good. You're amazing.”

Yuuji moaned as he rolled his hips, grinding his cock against Chikara's chest. “Say more stuff like that.”

“You're so gorgeous. Kiss me again.”

Yuuji leant down, still grinding against him, and kissed him. Chikara's mouth opened hungrily as he strained to reach; the kiss was full of tongue, teeth, and impatience, Yuuji gasping whenever their tongues made contact.

“Move up here,” Chikara rasped, gesturing with his head. Yuuji shuffled up his body, positioning his cock on Chikara's bottom lip. He started to lick and suck it, quickly moving down to his balls and mouthing them instead. Yuuji lifted his cock, shifting his hips further forward over Chikara's face. Chikara took the cue, and moved down to reach the fleshy area past his balls.

Yuuji groaned as the tip of Chikara's tongue teased close to his asshole, reaching tantalising short of it. “Fuck,” he breathed out, attempting to thrust himself further against Chikara.

“Yuuji?” Chikara asked.

He quickly moved back so he could see Chikara and check on him. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah, I was thinking...Urm, could you turn around?”

“Huh?”

“Kneel the other way? Remember the other week? You knelt over me and I blew you that way?”

“Oh, and I came almost immediately? Yeah I remember that.” He smirked. “Will that be better for this?”

“I think so? But...God, urm...could you...um.” Yuuji wasn't sure if the flush on his cheeks was merely desire, or if he was embarrassed by something. He smiled encouragingly. “Okay, urm. Can you kneel right over me and...spread your cheeks for me? Can you balance? Sorry, this is awkward!”

Yuuji was overwhelmed in his affection for him, and bent down to kiss him, before wordlessly moving himself into the position Chikara asked of him. Luckily, his core strength was enough that he could balance on his knees without bracing his hands against the wall, leaving them free to spread his buttocks.

Chikara breathed against him a couple of times first, before licking his flattened tongue against his asshole; it felt weird, a little slippery, but warm and his hole flexed to invite him further in. The pointed tip of his tongue experimentally dipped into the pucker, making Yuuji gasp again.

“Is that good?” he heard Chikara mumble from underneath him.

“Yes! Hnnn!”

“Shall I carry on?”

“You better fucking had do...” he complained, just as Chikara stuck the tip of his tongue inside him again. He thought Chikara might be giggling at the slight howl in his voice, but he didn't care, the movement of his chin against his taint was delectable.

As Chikara moved his tongue, lips and teeth all over his tight hole, he couldn't decide which part he liked the most; the swirl of his tongue around the edge, the gentle flicks up and down over it, or his stiff tongue darting in and out. Each time he thought to himself, 'No, this is the best one,' but then Chikara would switch the movement, and his pleasure mounted each time.

“Fuck! Don't stop.” His back arched as a shiver ran down it when Chikara licked against him with the flat of his tongue again. “I'm gonna come.”

“Don't move,” Chikara said, breathlessly, “Stay there and do it with one hand. I'll be fine here.”

Yuuji didn't wait a second, and moved one hand to his dick, twisting his fist around it, back and forth. Once he started panting, and Chikara recognised the sounds, he licked against Yuuji's asshole again, teasing him over the edge.

“Chikara!” he tried to admonish, but it came out in a moan, more of ecstasy than annoyance. His body stiffened, and he felt Chikara's tongue push into him again; he came over Chikara's stomach, as his hole flexed around his tongue.

He fell forward limply, now on his hands and knees over Chikara's prone figure, panting. Chikara leaned forward to kiss him on his balls, making Yuuji laugh until he was forced to beg him to stop. “Please, I can't take any more.”

His limbs felt leaden as he moved to face Chikara on the bed. He went to kiss him, but Chikara stopped him, motioning his head to the bedside table. “Give me a bit of that mouthwash, love.” Yuuji's face fell, but Chikara quickly added, “It's a precaution! It was fine, I promise.”

Yuuji gave him some, then held a cup so he could spit it out. Then he decided to use some himself, so he felt more like it was just something they were both doing (and he felt less like there was something wrong with him). Chikara smiled and kissed him.

He forced himself to get up and put Chikara on his side, before collapsing next to him, without even bothering to put an arm under him; he knew he would be asleep in seconds and didn't want to have to move again.

“Before you pass out, was it good?” Chikara asked.

“Are you joking?” he said, “It was fucking amazing, couldn't you tell?”

“Well, you _were_ moaning a lot. Would you do it again?”

But Yuuji was already snoring.

 


End file.
